Lately, I've been thinking about Paris Hilton. I guess I really don't have a choice since she's been on this hideous PR blitz for her new "album." There's a lot to learn from sweet Paris.

What I Learned From . . . Paris Hilton

Talent is optional

There’s a new pathetic craze that has ravaged pop culture and American society where individuals become famous for doing nothing. In some cases, people become famous for jet-setting the world in search of the ultimate party and hot men. In Paris’ case, she backed her way into fame. She was famous for her party girl persona before she turned her attention to acting and singing. It’s usually done the other way around. Meanwhile, she’s giving hope to marginally talented girls across the world who feel all they need is a cute face, skinny body and a catchphrase to obtain fame and popularity. Forget higher education, character development and honing special skills and talents. Thanks Paris.


High society is in demise

Remember when socialites were classy sophisticated ladies who lunched, wore smart designer suits and owned expensive family jewels. They never showed bare legs, made sex tapes or wore micro-mini skirts. There seemed to be rules of etiquette and composure. Paris must have the old guard choking on their cucumber sandwiches. Debutantes used to exude and air of elegance and privilege. They would never be caught without a bra or eating fast food. It’s a sad day when the ultra-rich want to live their life like they just escaped from a trailer park. Just think of those girls living in a double wide who would give anything for a taste of that cucumber sandwich.


Never make a sex tape

Only in America can making a sex tape bring you any kind of positive notoriety and fame. Why do people especially famous people insist in making sex tapes? Is their ego that big that they need to actually see themselves nailing the starlet or hottie? Isn’t it enough to know you nailed them? Do you have to view it over and over again? Besides if you want to watch people having sex, you can buy those tapes already made. Never, never, never, never and I repeat never make a sex tape. If there’s one thing we can learn from Pamela Anderson, never make a sex tape (and take it easy with the super-sized implants). And if you simply must make one, keep it strapped to your chest at all times. Never let anyone else have access to it or better yet destroy it immediately after the first viewing. You’ll thank me later.