The Wisteria Needs Less Fertilizer

Week after week I watch Desperate Housewives in hopes that it will recapture the wit and dark humor of the first season. And at times I’m pleased and that familiar smile crosses my face but then something will happen that wipes that hard-earned smile away. I watched DH last season out of respect for the first season and was deeply disappointed most of the time. Where was the humor and the unique characters? That’s the best you can come up with for Alfre Woodard?

I’ll start off by saying that one thing DH does well is moving a plot along. We don’t have to wait a full season to see who was a killer or who slept with who. That’s definitely a plus. Episodes always have a clear theme that it opens and closes with. And when this show is on it’s heads above the others but lately DH characters seem to be driven by plot not true character instinct. In other words, the characters are propelled by plot devices.

The problem with this is that when you connect with a character and get to know them, you also get a sense of what they might say or do. Plot devices make them move against those instincts. It’s kinda like finding out that your kind Christian grandmother was a whore in the old country. It just doesn’t make sense and probably isn’t true.

The best way to examine what I’m talking about is by looking at each character.

Lynette (Felicity Huffman)

Lynette is actually the most well-written of the housewives. Her character is grounded and extremely sarcastic. She reminds you of your smart-ass best friend or co-worker. Lynette gives you a complex portrayal of a modern woman who struggles with being a solid mother, wife and provider. The glitch in her character arc seems to be her timid husband. Granted she’s strong but he comes across too weak. You almost question why she’s with him but when they are on the same page, and they usually are, they are the most functional couple on the show. The introduction of a love child came out of nowhere. It would have been more realistic to have him cheat. I would have believed that more that the one-night stand. His baby’s momma is over the top and annoying.

Bree (Marcia Cross)

I find it hard to believe that Bree would have been involved with two psychopaths within two years of her husband dying. Things were rough between her and her husband but she loved him. Her strict sense of etiquette would have caused a mourning period. Wouldn’t you be more cautious after the first loon? Her nervous breakdown was handled well but her choice of men is suspect and her children are the perfect example of kids that are given too much. Her son coming out of the closet was fun but quickly became a platform to be promiscuous and seek revenge on Bree. And did I mention that her new husband is a killer. Can’t wait to see how that plays out.

Susan (Teri Hatcher)

Susan is the comedy relief. She has dizzy klutzy moments that make her human. After playing with our emotions for two seasons regarding her relationship with Mike (James Denton), he goes into a coma just when he’s about to propose. That’s so daytime drama. Now he has amnesia. Classic. It was hard to believe that after two years of pining for Mike, she gave up on him after 6 months in a coma. Although, Ian (Dougray Scott) is a yummy diversion. Would flighty Susan really do that? Also, it’s hard to imagine that Edie (Nicollette Sheridan) would be the only one to bend Mike’s ear. Where are the other denizens of Wisteria Lane? Why would Mike believe Edie? Even if he has amnesia, he would still remember what a predatory vamp she can be.

Gabrielle (Eva Longoria)

Gabby is straight out of a Spanish-language novella complete with loud outfits and overacting. Her character has become a caricature. She’s too greedy, spoiled and self-centered to be considered a real person. It’s hard to feel any sympathy for her. You can’t relate to her. The bigger issue, however, is her portrayal of a Mexican-American woman. Why do the Mexicans have to be the craziest people on the block? At first, I enjoyed the idea that the minorities were rich, beautiful and educated. Then they started fighting, cheating and getting loud. I’m surprised some Hispanic group hasn’t boycotted the show yet.

Are you still feelin' DH?