Can you parent in stilettos?

No. A recent trip to Target prompted this question. I was in the process of returning two snug tops. You know the kind that technically fit but will burst at the seams if you sneeze. I didn’t want to be sausage girl so I returned them.

As I waited in line, I was accosted by the Stiletto-Wearing Hot Mom. You’ve seen her. SWHM has strategically placed chunky highlighted hair, acrylic enhanced French manicured nails, second skin jean peddle pushers and 3 ½ inch mule sandals. Perfect attire for a day at Target with your husband and two small children. Don’t get me wrong. Girlfriend was workin’ it, running after her toddler while giving direction to her daughter and husband.

However, I just can’t shake the idea that you can’t parent properly in stilettos. It’s impossible to truly chase after your children and clean a house while teetering on high heels. My Ohio roots can’t grasp the idea. The women of Miami don’t have a problem with the concept. No visit to a mall is complete without the attack of the glamazon mothers and their budding daughters. The glamazonettes. The apple doesn’t fall far from those trees. They’re gorgeous but look uncomfortable.

Once again, I hold celebrity worship responsible for this annoying trend. Everyone wants to step out of their drab life and become fabulous. We want to eat the popcorn that Oprah eats (it’s delicious by the way), taste the rum JayZ drinks and vacation where the Kennedy’s do. We want to live this fantasy life that is leagues from our reality.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t dream or strive for something different. I simply know Mariah Carey can travel to Japan in a cashmere track suit and Jimmy Choos because she is an extremely well taken care of human. She doesn’t have to handle her bags, tickets, dogs or any children. She could probably get someone to carry her if she wanted to. It’s just the facts. Catherine Zeta Jones doesn’t go grocery shopping or cook so she doesn’t have to worry about schlepping bags or burning the chicken. Her housekeeper and personal chef will assist her with that.

Every woman knows there’s a fine line between living in comfortable flip flops and your favorite pair of red satin pumps but that’s the challenge that busy moms and women in general face every day. It takes a confident women to put vanity aside and realize that comfortable flats are for the mall and the satin pumps are for a great night out with a handsome fella and a good bottle of wine or the bedroom. Or both

I’m urging all you hot moms to embrace your practical side and go for the flats. Think of it this way, you still have the over-processed hair and tight jeans. That has to count for something.