Deck the Halls

The countdown has begun. Five days until Christmas. I don’t have all of my shopping done and I missed my deadline to get presents to Ohio on time. Fa la la la la freakin’ la la la!!! I’m trying to find my inner zen but there’s too much traffic to find peace. I’m about to go into stealth mode where you realize that there is no such thing as the perfect Christmas.

Until I get there, I look for joy and merriment in just about anything. The Ft. Lauderdale Sun-Sentinel does a hilarious section every year called Scared of Santa. Readers submit pictures of children petrified of Santa. Some of the older photos remind me of A Christmas Story. Don’t get me wrong it’s a stroke of genius because everyone has one of these photos but on some level it’s sadistic. These terrified tots are clearly out of their minds with terror but you can’t help but chuckle.

I don’t know when or where this time-honored tradition of the picture with Santa started but you can best believe those kids were a lot calmer and centered. I have several theories why children are scared of Santa:

1.) He’s a stranger. Children love the familiar.
2.) He has a snowy white beard and red cheeks. He probably looks like some sort of chubby bear and who the hell embraces and takes a picture with a bear.
3.) Everyone is staring at them. Who can be cute and adorable when everyone is staring at you in the center of the crowded mall?
4.) Children never do what you want them to do. They are like women unpredictable and strong-willed. If you wanted the child to cry and crap its diaper, they would have smiled for the photographer.

Why do you think children fear Santa?