The Divas of Opulence

Last night I watched the amusing new show The Knights of Prosperity, which chronicles janitor Eugene Gurkin’s (Donal Logue) quest for the Holy Grail. And by Holy Grail, I mean a butt load of money to open a bar. After 20 years of cleaning toilets and watching an elderly co-worker die, Eugene sets his sights on opening a Cheers-like bar but can’t find the funding. Then it comes to him. Rob Mick Jagger.

The set-up is hilarious with pockets of brilliance throughout the pilot episode. Logue sells the everyman image better than anyone. His rag-tag team of thieves is comical in looks alone. The clueless bandits have you rooting for them the entire time. It’s unclear how this sitcom will work over many episodes since the premise may get stale quick. However, it was a breathe of fresh air to see a new episode of anything.

The Knights made me think. If I were to piece together my Divas of Opulence, who would I rob? The Knights chose Mick based on his vapid appearance on a Cribs-esque show. Here are my picks:

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS A SPOOF. I WOULD NEVER PROMOTE THE IDEA OF BREAKING THE LAW OR STEALING FROM A CELEBRITY UNLESS THEY HAD WAY TOO MUCH MONEY TO NOTICE OR DIDN’T APPRECIATE THE LUXURY. ONCE AGAIN, JUST KIDDING.

Jennifer Lopez-Beyonce Knowles-Sarah Jessica Parker

This three-way tie is based on the fabulous shoe wardrobe. These bitches must have shoes for days. I don’t want their money or clothes but I’d give anything for their shoes. Shoes glorious shoes, watch me while I rock them.

TomKat

As much as he annoys me, I’d like to know what craziness is brewing in that house. He probably wouldn’t notice me there. If I were spotted, I’d distract him by expressing my interest in Scientology or Born on the Fourth of July. That should give me enough time to get away.

George Clooney

If I could swing the airfare to Italy, I’d crash his Lake Como pad. It’s a win-win situation. He probably wouldn’t be there so I’d have the house to myself as a vacation spot. If he were home, I’d get to see George Clooney in person before they haul my ass to jail. Works for me.

Yoko Ono

Don’t even know why she popped into my mind but she must be loaded. She probably has a bunch of memorabilia around. I’m not a big John Lennon fan but this could be the ultimate challenge.

What would be the name of your group and who would be your target?