How exactly do you Wang Chung?

I’ve been watching a lot of VH1 lately and beyond the tragedy of Shooting Sizemore (I’ll it blog later) and the comedy of I Love New York (Is her mom really a man? Is she really greasing herself down with Vaseline in the opening sequence?), I’ve been watching their sister station VH1 Classic. Over the past weeks they’ve been counting down the top 100 Best Songs of the 80s and the Videos of the 80s.

Well, you know that kicked me into nostalgia gear. I consider myself an MTV baby. I remember when the network started and all the crappy videos they used to play but something happened in the mid-80s. Videos became little movies. We began to look beyond the talent and zoom into the looks and personalities of our music icons. Would Bon Jovi have sold so many albums if he wasn’t wearing those tight jeans or sporting over-processed blonde locks? But I digress. I don’t want to talk about how video killed the radio star. I want to talk about my picks for the best 80s videos.

Thriller-Michael Jackson

You know I had to have some Michael on this list. Any video that can show him on a date with a girl and get Vincent Price to say ‘terrorize yawls neighborhood’ deserves top status. This video was a mini-movie before all of the rappers decided they wanted to become the small screen version of Tony Montana in their videos. The dance sequence is unforgettable. I was torn between this and Beat It but Michael was far too effeminate to be near a gang even if they were performing in a West Side Story-esque video.

Nasty-Janet Jackson

What can I say,’My first name ain’t baby. It’s Janet. Ms. Jackson if you’re nasty.” What? You could not tell me that Janet was not the bomb in this video. She had her homey/choreographer Paula Abdul with her. Back when Paula was the Laker Girl with skills not the incoherent mess she is now (I’ll blog it later).

Black Coffee in Bed- The Squeeze

I liked the Squeeze but loved this video in particular because the object of desire is a black chick. Sure looking back he was having an affair with the black girl but in my teenage mind it was an exultation of Nubian beauty. Or something like that.

Hot For Teachers-Van Halen

This is one of the greatest videos ever made. Where else can you find miniature versions of David, Eddie and the boys? I don’t mean just look-alikes. These little Van Halens had the attitudes as well. Brilliant! And of course the gratuitous sex of the 80s video required the teachers to rip off their professional clothes and work the pole like L.A. strippers.

Wake Me Up Before You Go Go-Wham

Looking back on this video, I should have known there was the possibility that George Michael was gay. While Careless Whisper is one of my favorite songs ever, this is a better video. The bubbly sparkly nature of the videos sums up the decade. I had several over-sized shirts that commanded you to do something. Relax.

Like A Virgin-Madonna

I love a lot of her early songs more (Hoilday, Dress You Up, Into the Groove) but this video contains the iconic images that surrounded my junior high experiences. The lingerie, lion, gondola and lots of costume jewelry. Vintage Material Girl.

Hungry Like the Wolf- Duran Duran

Hello. My name is Diva and I’m a Duran Duran fan. All of the 80s videos were based more on style and mood rather than reality. Why else would these British pretty boys be in the middle of the jungle wearing designer white linen outfits and wrestling with a black woman? I like the ridiculous nature of the video.

Cruel Summer-Bananarama

I admired the ratty deconstructed art school quality of these girls. They weren’t great singers but their sense of style was of the moment. They were like the cool girls at school that always had the perfect height to their hair and earrings to match. The song also spoke to what little teenage angst my mother would let me own.

What are your top picks for best 80s video?