What I Learned from Britney Spears

I’ve spoken about it for months and yesterday it was confirmed. Britney Spears’ life has gone from mildly amusing to tragically pitiful. I can’t say there was much joy or even a snicker finding out that she lost custody of her children. Hell, it wasn’t fun watching her shave her weave or sleepwalk through the VMAs either. It was sad to watch her crumble under the stress of her failed marriage and sudden motherhood.

While it’s a pathetic situation, there is a lot to be learned. Here’s what I learned from Britney Spears:

Leggos are Fun

We see it time and time again. Children who attain a lot of responsibility and fame at a young age only to have their worlds crumble. How can you keep everything in perspective? Not everyone can be a Jodie Foster or Brooke Shields and continue their careers with little scandal. The Michael Jacksons and Lindsey Lohans of the world prevail. There is a reason for childhood. It’s a time to develop your cognitive, emotional and social skills at a natural pace. Trouble follows when you skip these phases. After such tremendous success, it probably made sense to Britney to get married and have children. What else was there to achieve? However, she was emotionally and mentally incapable of taken on such responsibility.

Beware of Men Who Talk Holes in Your Clothes

If this were a Lifetime movie, Tori Spelling or Kellie Martin would play Britney and John Stamos would portray Kevin Federline and it would be titled Mother May I Flirt with Danger or something like that. Before I went to college, my mother told me to beware of men who talk holes in your clothes and never leave your drink. Both sage words of advise.

KFed is one of those talkers. You can’t blame it all on him. Her low self-esteem and inner angst led to this but a well-timed warning from a mother could have helped. The world is filled with smooth talkers. They are slick, beautiful and charismatic but can lead to trouble and quite a few holes in your clothes. The best way to handle this man is see him for who he is and then have some slutty fun. She didn’t have to marry him or bear his children. But she did, and this will be their unfortunate connection for the rest of their lives.

Don’t Pay Mommy

Every celebrity needs close family with him or her who is not on the payroll. Buy mom a house but don’t let her become too dependent on you. The big question remains where is Britney’s close-knit hillbilly family. Where were they two years ago? My mother would have disowned me when I interviewed with Matt Lauer looking like a bloated streetwalker. My dad would have sat me down before I married KFed and my sister would have run out on the VMA stage after the first strands of music played. Celebrities need their family to keep them grounded. They need seasoned public relations professionals who are brutally honest and loyal. They need someone to say it’s time to go on medication, wear underwear, seek professional help, keep your ass at home and care for your kids.

What have you learned from Britney?