Can Uma beat Charlize?
Remember that MTV claymation show Celebrity Deathmatch that parodied fights between celebrities. Think Davey and Goliath without all of the religious stuff. I was happy to see it’s running on MTV2 after a four year sabbatical. I always thought it was funny as hell. It made me wonder who would win a real Celebrity Deathmatch. Could Uma Thurman really beat Charlize Theron?
Below are some of my picks.
Battle of the Bobble Heads
Nicole Richie vs. Kate Bosworth
This has the potential to be a close one with boney Kate having a good 10 pounds on skeletal Nicole. I think Lois Lane will reign victorious. Since Kate’s weight has just started her slow stroll down Emaciated Boulevard, there is still hope that she can pull herself together. I think she still has a taste for food and is a little cranky from missing her meals. Wave a sandwich under her nose and you’ve got a fierce fight.
Battle of the Crackheads
Whitney Houston vs. Anna Nicole Smith
Okay, I’m not sure that ANS is a crackhead she seems to be more of a pill popper. Can you imagine this fight? I think Whitney learned a few things from Bobby and with her Jersey background this could get interesting. ANS always seems to be half asleep or in some kind of deep sleep. I give the challenge to Whitney.
Battle of the Funky White Boys
Justin Timberlake vs. Kevin Federline
You know Justin is my boy but everyone knows Kevin is a scrapper. He made it out of the mean streets of Fresno to marry his pop tart while Justin pranced around with Mickey Mouse and Lance Bass. You do the math. Imagine a scene out of that time-honored epic Showgirls where Justin is doing his best Rerun poppin’ and lockin’ routine when KFed trips him. This plays out in a very dramatic fashion in my mind.
Battle of the Funky White Girls
Fergie vs. Gwen Stefani
My money is on Fergie. The Kids Incorporated alumn seems way more street that her L.A.M.B.-clad counterpart. Not to start rumors but I’m not that sure that she’s really a woman. I’m just saying. She’s taking tranny-chic to the next level.
Battle of the Over 40 Broads
Vivica Fox vs. Janet Jackson
I think it would be a surprise upset with Ms. Jackson pulling Vivica’s weave out. Vivica will give her a fight though with her new form of martial arts that incorporates ballroom dance moves. Sleek and poised yet potentially deadly. However, Janet knows the pleasure principle and is always in control. Also, wasn’t she part of a rhythm nation?
Who would you like to go to battle?
posted by Pop Culture Diva @ 9/27/2006
6 Comments:
Whitney would TOTALLY cut ANS. Bad. I'm talking stitches.
I'd pay all the money I have in the bank to see a CDM between Hillary and Condi. Oh, and maybe Katie Couric vs. Sally Field.
But, to put this in perspective, I really don't have that much money in the bank.
I'd love to see the Bush women go at it in back-to-back match-ups:
First, Jenna vs. Barbara Jr.
followed by the main event:
Laura vs. Barbara Sr. (with Barbara Sr. the odds-on favorite; everyone knows she's one mean mother)
BTW, remembering Celebrity Deathmatch also made me remember Celebrity Blow-up from the old SCTV series. Loved it, especially the time they blowed Bernadette Peters up real good. Anyone else share my fond memories? I'll bet PJS does, yes?
Of course we need an Uma/Oprah battle, refereed by Letterman.
This is slightly off-topic but remember the show Touched by an Angel? I watched it a few times but got bored by the ubergoody two shoes tone. Why couldn't they have had a couple of demons to face off on? Della Reese would've definately whupped some major demon ass! The one time Satan showed up,he was played by Mandy Patankin who sang showtunes-come on,man!
Some good celeb fights would be:
Pink vs. Paris Hilton:Pink keeps her hair short,which is good for a battle,plus she looks like the type that can give a good roundhouse kick or sucker punch. Paris would go for her eyes but crumple up like kleenex as soon as one of her nails broke.
Mel Gibson vs. Tom Cruise: The Battle Royal of the Crazies. Mel looks like a biter,so my money would be on him.
The South Park Kids vs. Stewie & Brian from Family Guy: Could be messy but ten to one,Cartman and Stewie would form an alliance to wipe out the others and then doublecross each other. Fun for all!
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