I don't get Jennifer Aniston

I saw Friends with Money last night. Written and directed by Nicole Holocener, it was this year’s indie darling. The film centers around Olivia played by Jennifer Aniston and her wealthy friends Jane (Frances McDormand), Franny (Joan Cusack), Christine (Catherine Keener) and their spouses. Olivia is source of concern due to her abrupt career redirection, which took her from a teacher to a maid. She also seems to have a penchant for crummy relationships with lousy men.

At first glance, the friends with money seem to be verbose suburbanites with way too much time on their hands. It reminded me of a Woody Allen film where everyone is intellectually inclined and extremely articulate. As the movie unfolds you understand that there are some twisted things happening in suburbia.

Frances McDormand gives a nuanced performance. I have to admit every time I see her onscreen, I smile. You know she’s always going to give an intelligent and often humorous spin to a role. Her scene where she has a meltdown in Old Navy over someone cutting in front of her in line was ripped from my life. It was the best scene in the entire film. Catherine Keener is heartbreaking as a woman struggling to keep her marriage afloat.

Jennifer Aniston was miscast and swallowed up by her contemporaries. It was hard to root for pathetic Olivia. At times you feel deep shame as she’s humiliated by the men in her life and at other times you want to rattle her dizzy head and berate her for living like a college student.

This brings me to a bigger issue. Why is the Hollywood star-making machine so insistent in shoving Jennifer Aniston down our throats? I don’t get her appeal but she’s not the only one. Here are some others:

Jennifer Aniston
The original. Before you get all Team Aniston on my ass, hear me out. There is no doubt that she was good as Rachel on Friends but that was one character. She has shown glimmers of hope in The Good Girl and Friends with Money but it’s a slow-burning ember. I don’t get the assertion that she’s a sex symbol or leading lady. I feel like some evil marketing monkey is trying to play with my mind.

Paris Hilton
She’s a socialite. She’s a party girl. I’d even give her “It” girl status. Where the hell is she coming from with a CD and movies? The media continues to stoke the fire, which really chaps my ass. She can’t sing and she can’t act. Period. The jig is up.

Kate Bosworth
Lois Lane. Really? She was enjoyable in Blue Crush but what happened to the spark. Poor girl just looks hungry to me. Someone needs to feed her a sandwich then take her to an acting class.

Nicole Richie
The incredible shrinking lady. We can all thank Paris for introducing us to her buddy. She’s Lionel Richie’s daughter, right? What else has she done besides the tragic Simple Life series?

Kevin Federline
I almost want to shake his hand. He’s managed to Forrest Gump his way to a pop star wife, rap CD and appearances on CSI and Entourage. By the way, I loved Kevin Federline when he was known as Vanilla Ice. Ice ice baby.

Who do you think gets the Aniston treatment?