I Feel Beligerant Today

I was reading USA Today this morning when I was accosted by another item about Mrs. Tom Cruise. It seems she has an article and photo spread in the upcoming issue of Harper’s Bazzar. Unfortunately from the highlights that have been released, she says nothing remotely interesting or provocative. Instead she relentlessly reiterates the fact that she’s happy. Happy with her husband. Happy with her children. Happy with her career (career?).

We get it you live in complete bliss. Is she trying to convince us or herself? Her life has been turned upside down by the media speculation and skeptical people like myself. How happy can you be when people speculate that your newborn baby doesn’t really exist or that your husband is gay or crazy? It’s not that I don’t want to see crazy, I mean Mr. Top Gun happy. See I just did it again.

Even her smile has changed? Instead of the innocent/shy smile, she has this perma-smile. I just want them to stop this Scientology-induced euphoria and join the rest of us. People can’t relate to them anymore, which spells big problems for them in their careers and eventually personal life because if TC is anything it’s career-driven and image conscious. I hate myself, okay hate is a strong word, but I’m seriously getting on my own nerves with my intolerance of TomKat. I wish they’d just go sit down somewhere. JLo and Jessica Simpson have done it.

Here’s a list of other celebs that could use a little publicity detox:

Lindsey Lohan

You knew little red would be on this list. Who goes into rehab but immediately leaves everyday for work? How do you heal?

Beyonce

That’s a hardworking girl and I’m not knocking her hustle but we need a hiatus. After the Academy Awards, she needs to take an extended vacation. She can cut another album, count her money or marry JayZ. It doesn’t matter, as long as she does it in private.

Britany Spears

It’s time for hot momma to pack it up and get her life together. She might want to contemplate wearing underwear and shoes in gas station bathrooms as well. Just a thought.

Kevin Federline

The jig is up. Your days of being a kept man are over. Take the money and run. I’m almost embarrassed the way he’s being used for his 15 minutes of fame. There is no limit to what people will do for money or what they perceive to be fame.

Who else could use a time out?