Cruise workers remind me of strippers; In a good way

I’m back darlings! Did you miss me? I was off having fun in the sun and rain. I ate way too much yummy food and was very happy to come home and sleep in my own bed. It’s funny that during my cruise with the elderly (I had no idea it was a blue-haired cruise until I caught sight of the orthopedic shoes, black knee socks and the faint smell of Ben-Gay) I kept coming up with ideas for the blog.

If you’ve never cruised, it’s an interesting experience. It caters to what I value most: relaxation and eating with a little karaoke thrown in. They had television and select programs from different networks. I watched the beginning of the Da Vinci Code and the end of the Lake House. You haven’t experienced sailing the high seas until you’ve watched Chico and the Man in your itty-bitty cabin. Lookin’ good. Taking a shower was a challenge since I’ve never showered in a straight jacket before. It was tight to say the least. I also missed my iron. The ship has a no iron in the room policy which must be a comfort considering the likelihood that the blue-haired brigade could turn that ship into a towering inferno in less than 30 minutes.

Don’t get me wrong, I had a great time and will definitely do it again. I also learned a lot in the process. I thought instead of a celebrity that taught me something I’d use my vacation.

What I Learned on My Cruise

Pace yourself

This is the number one mistake people make on a cruise. They dart out of the gate too fast and burn out after the second day. Our cruise peaked for many on Halloween night. The liquor and music was flowing. Edward Scissorhands and Zorro were getting their groove on. Everyone crashed the next day. The beach was filled with zombies. I, on the other hand, always the seasoned traveler paced myself and was able to enjoy the entire cruise and wasn’t that exhausted when I returned.

The All You Can Eat Buffet is Not a Challenge

This kinda ties in with pace yourself. It’s tempting to fill your plate with every noodle and cookie but there is a technique to getting the most from the buffet. First, you must do the quick run through. Notice anything of particular interest before you go through the line. This saves a lot of space on your platter. Oh yea, I said platter. That bad boy was humongous. Second, look at your fellow buffet dwellers’ plates. Don’t hesitate to ask them where they got the toffee cookies or omelet. Let them do your advance footwork. Third, leave room for dessert. They have the tastiest treats on those decadent tables. Last, move your ass. The buffet line is not the place to hold long conversations or contemplate the meaning of life. Grab your grub and move it along.

Don’t Knock the Hustle

Cruise workers definitely work hard for their money. They have to smile and remain gracious as Sammy from Peoria complains about not being able to find the ketchup or not receiving a dog fashioned out of towels on his bed. They also have to deal with way too many drunks. A major focus of the cruise industry much like her sister Las Vegas is alcohol. They keep it coming fast. Your cup is never empty. They know that Midwesterners can’t turn down a frothy tropical drink in a class that lights up. Despite these obstacles the cruise workers try their best to keep a pleasant grin on their face. It’s can’t be easy but they do it with much style and class.

Tell me what you learned on your cruise.