The Troll reigns victorious

My phone started ringing immediately after the results. The calls came pouring in. The inhumanity. The horror. Dilana was robbed. The misguided fellas of Supernova selected Lukas the Troll as their new lead singing. I’ll give the show props for only making us squirm for an hour. I thought for sure it would be a two-hour craptacular event. The producers, who love creating drama, put us out of our misery in a quick and swift manner. I’m sure that’s how Magni felt when he was the first to go.

My heart went out to Toby as he was the next on the chopping block. He looked scared shitless all night. His worst fears came to light. Supernova really played with his mind though. They had been blowing smoke up his ass for the last couple of weeks. He started to believe the hype. I think the viewers did as well. We’ll miss his Aussie sneer. He’ll probably go back to Australia and become bigger than INXS or Kylie Minogue.

Then there were two. Together they looked like Chucky and his Bride. Remember that movie when Chucky went goth. Tiny people in tiny goth clothes. It’s hard to imagine Supernova wants Lukas to be their front guy. Though his pink lip gloss had the right amount of sparkle. I wonder if it was MAC. I firmly believe that if Jason had come across Lukas when he was with Metallica, he would have kicked his ass on principle alone.

Despite the pain, I can be realistic about this. Dilana got the better deal by not winning. Gilby offered to produce and co-write on her album and Dave wants to play guitar. She’ll also go on tour with the band probably opening for Panic Channel. That’s a pretty sweet deal considering Supernova will probably put out one album and then go back to their other bands.

I can’t help but feel that women have no place on this show. The most talented over the past two seasons get the boot. Just when you think someone may be progressive enough to take a chance, the troll wins. Dilana might have been too strong and challenging for the band. Maybe the next Rock Star should be the Go Gos or the Bangles. It doesn’t get more rockin’ than that. Seriously, the next season should be Van Halen or Fuel.

I can’t close this chapter in my reality TV life without saying that the House Band is the bomb. I loved them more than Supernova and INXS combined and that’s saying a lot considering I lived for INXS in high school. Maybe they should launch a search for a leader singer.

With that said, I officially close this book. I already hear Dancing with the Stars, America’s Next Top Model and Project Runway calling my name.