Sugar Glorious Sugar

Candy corn. Sweet tarts. Dum Dum suckers and that syrupy sweet flourescent pink Dubble Bubble gum. The sweetness didn’t last long but it was heaven while it lasted. Stale popcorn balls. These are my fond childhood Halloween memories. Trick or treating until you can hardly carry the bag (or pillow case depending on how fancy you were.) Going home and inspecting my sweet bounty. That’s what I will always hold dear. Good times high on sugar until Thanksgiving.

Another great tradition was watching It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!, which aired last night. It didn’t disappoint. It still cracked me up after all these years. What’s better is as an adult you see more in the text. Maybe it’s reading too much into it but sometimes that’s half the fun. It’s only when you grow up that you realize how many adult traits the Peanuts gang actually had.

With great affection, here’s What I Learned from the Peanuts Gang:

Embrace Alternative Lifestyles

Without knowing it, creator Charles M. Schulz introduced me to my first bisexual -Peppermint Patty. Beyond the butch exterior that seemed to delight in torturing Marcie, there was also the aggressive She-Devil that wanted Charlie Brown something awful. Marcie was also into the S&M lifestyle as she was happy to be submissive to PP.

Random Minority Characters Have Always Been Around

Little black Franklin served no real purpose except to co-sign for one of his bigger named friends. It was obvious he was well spoken and smart but that was the extent of his contributions. Pigpen (with his pitiful cloud of dirt) served a similar purpose. He proved that CB was down with everyone.

Everyone Loves the Underdog

No matter how you look at it, Charlie Brown was a loser. Sure he was kind but boy was he gullible. He fell for that football trick every time. EVERY TIME! He rarely got the girl and was constantly immasculated by the uber-bitch Lucy. Lucy obviously had a thing for CB but couldn’t admit her crush.

You’re Never Too Young to Be Henpecked

Poor Linus was a slave to the girlish charms of blonde beauty Sally. She would talk him up one moment and make him blush them crush him with her emotional rants. No wonder he clung to that security blanket. He never saw it coming. His devotion for S kept it going. He was obviously being groomed to be an obedient husband one day.

What have you learned from Peanuts?

A Weekend of Revelations

Once again, I’ve come to you for a confessional of sorts. This weekend turned into a pretty balanced time. Saturday was shopping and dinner with a cute boy (okay he’s only 2 but what a doll) and a good friend followed by a day of rest and homemade pizza (this could become my new favorite thing to do).

And here’s where the confessions begin:

Love That Piven

I’ve been behind on my movie watching. At this point it’s not about the new movies as much about just watching something new. I’m playing major catch up now. I caught the flick Smokin’ Aces. I remember seeing the preview and thinking it was a slick MTV style movie; heavy on flash but light on content. The plot is simple. Buddy Israel (Jeremy Piven) has turned informant to the mob thus putting a large bounty on his death and heart. Piven was spot on as the greedy Vegas performer who realizes his good days are coming to an end. His unraveling was emotional.

Besides an ending that takes itself a bit too seriously, the movie was good fun. The hit men that come out of the woodwork are a blast. That’s where the fun lies. Who will get to him first? Great fun. Not to mention it has one of those Cannonball Run casts that’s full of known actors with silly accents and disguises. I don’t know why but I enjoyed the free ness and macabe humor. There’s a ridiculously funny scene involving a Ritalin-addled boy who spent too much time watching BET and hip hop videos. Hilarious!

The Sun Will Come Out

Okay, here comes the bigger revelation. I spent a couple of hours watching the documentary Life After Tomorrow. What is that you say? It’s a film the chronicles the little girls who starred as Annie or orphans in the Broadway and National touring casts of Annie. Interesting you say? Probably not but I was enthralled with the doc. Here’s the kicker. I don’t know if that says more about me or the power and pull of Annie.

I’d like to think that Annie is such an American musical classic that everyone would listen to 30 and 40 something women talk about their careers as musical ingénues. You tell me. Most still remember the songs and choreography. All say it was one of the best times of their lives. There were lots of fun tidbits like overbearing stage moms, divorcing parents and the agony of developing breasts and being booted from the show. It was fun seeing the famous Annies like Sarah Jessica Parker and Allison Smith (Jennie from Kate & Allie) not to mention a host of others from 70s-80s TV and pop culture.

With that said, I’ve just ended my confessional.

What do you have to confess from this weekend?

Name That Tune

I thought I’d take this glorious Friday and talk about music. Usually I ask what is your favorite. Today I’m turning the tables. At the suggestion of my buddy the real JR, I’m turning to Blender magazine’s list of the 50 Worst songs. I’m unsure of the criteria since there are some good songs on the list. Sure, they were played out on the radio. Sure, some have become elevator muzak but sometimes you have to take things within the context of the times.

Sure, my hair was sky high and teased in high school but that was very fashionable in the 80s. I was the Sarah Jessica Parker of my school. Sure, my childhood pictures show me wearing drab browns, mustards, olives and red shoes but that was all the rage at the time. You have to take things in context or at least that’s what I tell myself to justify the choices. The same applies to music. I Ran by Flock of Seagulls seems silly now but at the time that was the use of cutting edge synthesizers.

With that said the list contains some truly deserving candidates. There was no surprise to see Uncle Kracker, Gerardo (though, Rico Suave was the jam when I was a teen) or Aqua (could that Barbie song be any more ridiculous). But there were a few that surprised the hell out of me.

Here are a few that didn’t deserve to make the list:

#48 Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da

Sure, this isn’t the best Beatles song ever and maybe the reggae/ska music should have been rethought but I absolutely love this song. It is one of my favorite Beatles songs. Even a bad Beatles song is better than most songs.

#42 Sounds of Silence

Yes, it’s a corny folk song but it is still an excellent example of great songwriting. It may sound like cerebral babble but for its time it was a pioneering way to express emotions. No one knocks Stevie Nicks for her lyrics.

#35 Shiny Happy People

Blasphemy!! How did an R.E.M. song get on this list? I’m appalled and outraged. How dare THEY! !@#$

#26 The End

Okay, I will be the first to admit that this song IS pretentious and slightly creepy. The whole part about killing his father is bizarre in a serial killer kind of way but it’s not on par with Color Me Badd’s I Wanna Sex You Up. Not even in the same league.

What do you think shouldn’t have made the list?

Not So Religious Experiences

Ever take the time to slow down and really examine something. Whether it’s the size of the pores on your face or the way the dirt on your car artfully depicts the Virgin Mary. Life moves so fast that it becomes fascinating what you pick up when you really pay attention. No, I didn’t have a religious experience but I did lift my head out of the clouds long enough to look at the current celebrity headlines. So, I thought I’d write the random thoughts down and let you judge for yourself.

Don’t Cry For Me Iggy

Poor Ellen Degeneres has been a basket case lately. Her plea- Let Iggy go back to his new family. It seems after netting millions of dollars with her charm and business savvy, she forgot to read the fine print when she recently adopted a dog. When the puppy proved to be too much for her, she thoughtfully placed it in the safe home of her hairdresser’s family. The problem came when the adoption agency found out about the switcharoo and promptly removed the dog from the home.

All of this led to Ellen’s impassioned and somewhat blithering meltdown on her show begging for Iggy’s return. While slightly uncomfortable to watch, I believe it was heartfelt. Now the militant animal agency is taking the stance that they won’t be bullied by Ellen. Bullied? Investigate the family’s home and return the damn dog. Why the drama? I know they don’t want their dogs to be discarded or given to unsafe families but quit the drama and return the damn mutt.

Twelve Steps

I’m not an expert of recovery so maybe someone out there can clarify this. My only point of reference is an episode of Sex and the City where Carrie dated a recovering addict. I thought that part of the recovery process was not to enter into new romantic relationships. I probably have this wrong but it kinda makes sense. Enter Lindsey Lohan. Rumor has it the romantically discerning (snicker, snicker) starlet (more snickers) has a new beau and may be engaged. Does this go against the principals of recovery? And what’s up with all of these young girls needing to continuously date a string of men? I guess there is no such thing as getting to know yourself. They subscribe to the Elizabeth Taylor way of dating. But then again, at least she married her men and received extravagant jewelry for her companionship.

Salma Hayek Has My Baby

No, she wasn’t part of an international conspiracy plot to abduct my baby but she did steal my baby names. Granted J vetoed both but in my mind she still has my daughter. Loved Valentina. J turned it down. I thought it was strong yet feminine. Years ago, I introduced the idea of Paloma and was instantly shot down. I thought it was classic and sophisticated. J said anyone named Paloma should be rich and have a maid. And that folks, is how Salma Hayek has my baby.

What’s on your mind today?

No Shots for Me

You know I’m all about reality programs but you also know I can be a little snobbish as well. I prefer reality shows that are competitive in nature with a clear prize or truly intriguing people with their own show. Somehow, I don’t think Tila Tequila qualifies as intriguing. Yet, MTV (not VH1) gave her a show, A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila.

The premise of the show is as smutty and manipulative as Age of Love. The show follows TT as she, at least in the first episode, sucks face with every contestant vying for her love. By contestants I mean, the straight men and lesbians who are gathered but don’t know she has a secret.

What is that secret? She’s a man. She’s a virgin. Oh no, she’s bisexual. A secret she says her parents don’t even know but decided a TV dating show was the time and venue to come clean. Her parents must be so proud. Why didn’t they pick bisexual men and women? I’m sure she’s setting the bisexual movement back 50 years by making out with everyone on the show. Thus proving the stereotype that bisexuals are predatory and up for whatever. The show seems like an excuse to highlight hypersexed 20-somethings. Did the Real World run out of oversexed roommates? To make matters worse, one of the male contestants is a cast off from the Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency.

I know I’m sounding like a suburban housewife clutching her pearls but I’m not clutching them because I’m shocked at the act. I don’t care about that. I’m disgusted to see the lengths that women will go to not only exploit themselves (that’s her choice) but to include others in the follies. It’s different if all parties knew what the situation was but they didn’t.

I’m not one of those women that think pornography is exploitive. I say if you’re in control and it’s what you truly want to do, than go for it. But if you’re doing it because you’re strung out on drugs, have daddy issues or abuse in your background there are other ways to work through that issue. I believe in female empowerment. However, ASAL is not female empowerment. It’s about extending your 15 minutes of fame.

When I first heard about the show, I thought it was a joke. Like a Saturday Night Live skit. I also wanted to know who was Tila Tequila. I went to my good friend Wikipedia. I learned she is a model/entertainer/singer and popular MySpace fixture. I was more impressed to see that she hosted Fuse’s Dance Off/Pants Off, which is a hilarious program that shows slightly unhinged people dancing and undressing to music videos. Don’t judge me. It’s hilarious and often unsettling.

I guess the real point of this blog is an impassioned plea for MTV to pull it’s programming out of the crapper and get back to the basics. Music videos. Please.

What do you think about ASAL?

The Freshman Class

Boy, it’s been extremely difficult finding time to blog lately. Not only have I been more tired as my impending motherhood and expanding belly catch up with me, I’ve been in a TiVo frenzy trying to catch new shows while staying true to the oldies. This year’s freshman class is like most, some that are early standouts, some may emerge as dark horse favorites and some simply won’t graduate. You take your pick.

I’ve tried to give a quick run down on what my first impressions were. You can take it with a grain of salt considering I really talked up Studio 60 when it first came out. How was I to know that I’d instantly get bored and stop watching a couple of episodes later? With that said, I also called Heroes a winner and I stand by that.

Here’s a Diva’s look at the freshman class of 2007:

Chuck

Not bad. It’s an amusing premise of a regular geeky tech that unknowingly (at least at first) gets lured into the dangerous world of international espionage. I’m not sure this works in an hour setting; a half hour might have been more fitting. I still need to watch the second installment on TiVo. It has potential in its lead Chuck (Zachary Levi) and his weird buddy Morgan (Joshua Gomez).

The Big Bang theory

Nerds have the run of nighttime television these days. This particular group of intelligent nerds are great fun. Led by Leonard (Johnny Galeki) and Sheldon (Jim Parsons) the laughs are non-stop. The problem is the pretty girl across the hall, who is less pretty and not funny enough to compete. The laughs continue with Trekkie/Ringo look-a-like played by Simon Helberg and mute Kunal Nayyar.

Cane

Let me start by saying I love me some Jimmy Smitts. That’s a tall drink of something. I love that he’s back on TV and that the cast is minority. You don’t see that much. The first episode was interesting but may be a bit too soapy for me. It’s a combination of Que Pasa USA and Dallas. I’ll watch a couple more episodes. The story of sugar cane growing family is intriguing but Smitts brothers are pointless and far less interesting than he is. Time will tell if I continue to tune in.

Cavemen

Funny in a commercial. Ridiculously unfunny as a TV show. Appallingly not comic.

Carpoolers

The premise is funny and relatable but they need to tighten up the writing. There are too many gaps where the laughs stop. The standouts are lazy Marmaduke (T.J. Miller). It’s amusing that he walks around with without pants. His father Gracen (Fred Gross) is also funny. Reminds me of Steve Carell. The uptight Aubrey (Jerry Minor) has hilarious moments.

Dirty Sexy Money

I didn’t expect this to me so funny but it cracks me up. The first 15 minutes of the first episode were hilarious. Peter Krause as Nick is the perfect straight man and lawyer/babysitter/therapist to this family of misfits. Donald Sutherland (I’m loving him more and more) and Jill Clayburgh (great to see her onscreen again) are outstanding as the filthy rich leaders of the dysfunctional Darling family. Glenn Fitzgerald plays my new favorite character Father Brian. I hate you. Billy Baldwin came back to TV just in time to share screen time with Candis Cane. I love it! What daring casting. The Baldwin Brothers must be having a field day with this. I think this will continue to get better. I’ll stay tuned.

Big Shots

Or should I say Desperate Husbands. It’s not extremely compelling but I wonder whose idea it was to try to make a male and less racy version of Sex and the City. Will men really watch this show? It seems geared toward married women and gay men who would be better off watching the real thing. It was okay but not special.

Pushing Daisies

I’m fascinated. Will I continue to feel this way? We’ll see. I love the dark humor and Crayola colors of the show. And who is that narrator? Is he from The Grinch because he sounds familiar? I will say that it’s the most original of the new shows and therefore a winner already. How many shows can we watch about lusting doctors or rich affluent families? Adore it. Can’t wait to see more.

Kitchen Nightmares

Love the British version but wasn’t sure that Gordon Ramsay’s in-your-face tactics would work on Americans but the Scot must have been a soccer hooligan in a past life. He commands a certain respect but I think people are also intimidated by him, as well. I’ll tell you this, watching this show will turn you off dining out. The kitchens and often the food are disgusting. Yet, I can’t turn this off. Go figure.

What new shows are floating your boat?

What I Learned from Britney Spears

I’ve spoken about it for months and yesterday it was confirmed. Britney Spears’ life has gone from mildly amusing to tragically pitiful. I can’t say there was much joy or even a snicker finding out that she lost custody of her children. Hell, it wasn’t fun watching her shave her weave or sleepwalk through the VMAs either. It was sad to watch her crumble under the stress of her failed marriage and sudden motherhood.

While it’s a pathetic situation, there is a lot to be learned. Here’s what I learned from Britney Spears:

Leggos are Fun

We see it time and time again. Children who attain a lot of responsibility and fame at a young age only to have their worlds crumble. How can you keep everything in perspective? Not everyone can be a Jodie Foster or Brooke Shields and continue their careers with little scandal. The Michael Jacksons and Lindsey Lohans of the world prevail. There is a reason for childhood. It’s a time to develop your cognitive, emotional and social skills at a natural pace. Trouble follows when you skip these phases. After such tremendous success, it probably made sense to Britney to get married and have children. What else was there to achieve? However, she was emotionally and mentally incapable of taken on such responsibility.

Beware of Men Who Talk Holes in Your Clothes

If this were a Lifetime movie, Tori Spelling or Kellie Martin would play Britney and John Stamos would portray Kevin Federline and it would be titled Mother May I Flirt with Danger or something like that. Before I went to college, my mother told me to beware of men who talk holes in your clothes and never leave your drink. Both sage words of advise.

KFed is one of those talkers. You can’t blame it all on him. Her low self-esteem and inner angst led to this but a well-timed warning from a mother could have helped. The world is filled with smooth talkers. They are slick, beautiful and charismatic but can lead to trouble and quite a few holes in your clothes. The best way to handle this man is see him for who he is and then have some slutty fun. She didn’t have to marry him or bear his children. But she did, and this will be their unfortunate connection for the rest of their lives.

Don’t Pay Mommy

Every celebrity needs close family with him or her who is not on the payroll. Buy mom a house but don’t let her become too dependent on you. The big question remains where is Britney’s close-knit hillbilly family. Where were they two years ago? My mother would have disowned me when I interviewed with Matt Lauer looking like a bloated streetwalker. My dad would have sat me down before I married KFed and my sister would have run out on the VMA stage after the first strands of music played. Celebrities need their family to keep them grounded. They need seasoned public relations professionals who are brutally honest and loyal. They need someone to say it’s time to go on medication, wear underwear, seek professional help, keep your ass at home and care for your kids.

What have you learned from Britney?