Try not to miss me

I’m taking a week off and going on a cruise. Don’t hate me but I really need some R & R. While I’m away, feel free to search my archives. Before I go though, I have some random Friday thoughts for you.

What a B*%&$!!

Mariah Carey has proven herself to be a bigger diva than any of us could have imagined. Her recent concert in Hong Kong was canceled due to ridiculous demands from the singer and poor ticket sales. How obnoxious must the requests have been for the Chinese promoters to cancel the event? Isn’t their entire culture built on respect, peace and harmony? They are some of the most laid back people in the world. Her requests must have been a doozy. Maybe she wanted exotic spa treatments for her pampered pooches. What could have pissed them off enough to axe a show billed as the biggest in Hong Kong history?

Dumb and Dumber

Kate Moss confirmed she’s engaged to Pete Doherty. Watching the two of them is like watching the Anna Nicole Show and I don’t mean her latest antics. I’m referring to that horribly uncomfortable E! show that exploited her drug-induced state. They are like a modern day Sid and Nancy and we all know how that ended. I fear for her and her child. Hasn’t she learned anything from the coke-in-the-music studio incident? I guess not. Love may be blind but not stupid. She needs to grab her pasty-faced fiancé and demand he remain in rehab. She could check in also. Maybe they can get two for the price of one at the Betty Ford Clinic.

Support the motherland

Finally, I’m ready to break my silence on the Madonna/Baby David issue. If you don’t know who David is, you’ve obviously been on another planet over the last two weeks. The burning issue, besides AIDS, the war in Iraq, cancer research and global warming, is whether the Material Girl should be able to adopt a little 13 month-old African boy.

It seems Madonna was doing some philanthropic work for children in Malawi. Yea, Madge gets down like that these days. While visiting, she formed a connection with little orphan and started adopting procedures. She had been thinking about adopting for years. Part of that adoption process is an 18-month probation period where the child is brought into the home and officials decide whether it’s a good fit.

The backlash started immediately with the boy’s father coming forward saying he wasn’t aware of the intricacies of the adoption. He thought Madonna was acting as a sponsor and he would have access to his child. Human rights advocates jumped on the bandwagon accusing her of using her affluence to fast track the adoption.

After days of being battered and releasing cryptic statements, she went to the highest authority to make sure her message hit the masses. Oprah. She told O that David’s father hadn’t had contact with him since he was 2 weeks old. She says she sat with the father and explained her intentions. She feels he was put in a hard place by the media and she’s probably right.

My first question to Madonna is why Malawi. I understand that she’s building a facility there but she knew that there were no set adoption policies and was even discouraged from adopting there. She was advised to go to Ethiopia or Kenya. We know she likes a challenge but as a sharp businesswoman I’m surprised she took the risk but I guess you don’t become Madonna by not taking chances, which brings another point. This decision involves a child and your heart. Why take such a big chance when this adoption could be revoked by a parent? Why not select a child with no living parents? She could still sponsor David.

I admire the fact that she’s supporting Africa. More celebrities need to put their money in Africa and out of Kitson. As Americans we can all do more; the Diva included. However, I don’t know that adopting African children is the answer. It’s not that these children aren’t wanted like in China. The problem is an infrastructure that can’t support the issues of the continent. More money needs to be funneled into Africa for food, education and health.

Taking these children out of their native land doesn’t help Africa in the long run unless they are able to visit and cultivate their roots. The ultimate goal should be an Africa that is self-sufficient and that can’t happen if an entire generation is removed. I’m not saying this based on race but from a culture perspective.

Madonna was wise from a PR perspective to finally tell her story. I do believe that she wants what it right for the boy but I know her status moved this adoption forward because the average American couldn’t afford the entire process between time constraints and travel. Only a wealthy person could adopt in Malawi. She put a pretty cool spin on the issue by saying that the media attention will scare other people away from adopting and that will negatively impact Africa. She also asserts that the media confused David’s father and put words in his mouth. I think she also learned that when it comes down to it millions may buy her records but thousand don’t want her to adopt children. Advocates used the adoption to send a clear message. This message wasn’t sent to Angelina Jolie and she cavorted with a married man and had a child out of wedlock.

The adoption might as well go ahead. My only hope is that if the father truly wants to see his son that he is able to work out some kind of arrangement with Madonna. Maybe it’s a matter of David and his father being sponsored by Madonna in order to stay together as a family.

What are your thoughts?

You know who would have been great in that?

Yesterday I alluded to the idea that Kate Winslet was miscast in Titanic. Okay, I didn’t allude; I announced it. That declaration made me think about the Hollywood casting system. There’s been many times when I’ve watched a movie and felt that something wasn’t quite right but I can’t always put my finger on it.

Movies work for me on five levels – performances, subject matter, writing, directing & style or over-all production value. I can still enjoy a movie even if it doesn’t fit all of those criteria. Therefore, casting can make a big difference in how a movie is perceived. I know there can be a lot of pressure to sign a name in order to get a movie green lighted. But we also know a name doesn’t always make a movie.

Casting is an integral part of a movie and can play with whether the audience relates to a character and thus sell the writing and plot. Case in point, Kris Kristofferson has been getting a lot of work lately. I don’t begrudge him employment but he played a doctor in The Jacket (2005) and I wasn’t buyin’ it. He also played a ballroom dance studio owner in Dance with Me (1998). Are you kidding? When I think of him, I think of the rugged trucker in Convoy (1978) and the curly haired rocker with a taste for destruction in A Star is Born (1976). I don’t like to put people in boxes but sometimes they’re a custom fit.

Here are a few more cases of brain farts on the casting couch:

Kate Winslet – Titanic (1997)

Once again, she seemed too mature for the part or at least too old to play against Leonardo DiCaprio’s baby face. I didn’t believe that she was a spoiled debutante. Natalie Portman would have been a better choice.

Sandra Bullock – The Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood (2002)

I like Sandy but her tomboy quality makes her a tough fit at times. I don’t know who could have mastered the role but they would have had to be more delicate and emotional. Ashley Judd was divine (no pun intended) in flashbacks as her boozy unstable mother.

Tobey Maguire – Spiderman series

Before you give me shit for this, let me say that I love the Spiderman movies. They are amazing but Tobey isn’t the reason they are amazing. You could probably put a chimp in the suit and it would still be great. These types of movies almost work on autopilot. It’s just that Tobey is so wooden. It’s not that he needs to show great dramatic range but he does need to show some emotion. Mr. Roboto needs to oil his hinges.

Jennifer Aniston – Along Came Polly (2004)

This would be complete without my Jennifer dig. I don’t know what is wrong with me but my hateration seems to be strong. Pray for me. I didn’t believe for a moment that she was this quirky bohemian free spirit. Just because her hair wasn’t blown out doesn’t make her funky. You need more than a chunky scarf and drugstore beads to pull this off. Jenna Elfman would have been a great choice. Plus she had great chemistry with Ben Stiller in Keeping the Faith (2000). Put that on your Netflix.

Katie Holmes – Tom Cruise’s Latest Fixation (2005)

WTF. Who saw this coming? They fell in love, got engaged and had a baby in a little over a year. They’re getting married next month. Mazel tov. Save Katie! There’s still time.

Who do you think has been miscast?

I'm not a prairie kind of gal

This past weekend was full of movies, some good and some not so good. I went over the good yesterday. Today is the not so good. I have to preface this review by saying that I have never listened to A Prairie Home Companion on National Public Radio. I understand that it has been around for over 30 years and it harkens back to the days of old time radio shows. I admire that and commend Garrison Keillor for keeping this great American art form alive. I’m a great believer in preservation whether it be music, movies or buildings.

A Prairie Home Companion (2006) was directed by the emperor of ensembles Robert Altman. As always, it was ambitious in its scope. The film documents the last day of the historic radio show. Cast and crew come to terms with passages - endings and beginnings. The acting was superb. The interaction was seamless. Lily Tomlin and Meryl Streep were hilarious as singing sisters Rhonda and Yolanda. Woody Harrelson and John C. Reilly were outstanding as the playful singing cowboys Dusty and Lefty. Lindsey Lohan held her own with all of these acting legends. Kevin Kline showed impeccable comedic timing as Guy Noir. The name says it all.

I just couldn’t muster up any feeling for the show. I was receptive to the importance of these types of shows and what it means for them to perish but I simply didn’t care. If you can’t get someone to care about the subject matter or characters, the movie is essentially a bust. Maybe it was because I wasn’t familiar with the original or too young to remember radio shows. I don’t know but this went over my head. Or was it under my feet, I don’t know but it wasn’t the first time this has happened.

I’m often dazzled by acting, directing and style but a lack of connection to subject matter leaves me wanting more. Below are a few movies that were well-crafted and exemplary in many ways but had something missing in my eyes:

Gladiator (2000)

It was beautifully shot and captivating in performances especially Joaquin Phoenix. He was darkly masterful in his evil. I’m sure for some it worked as a romantic movie but I wasn’t overwhelmed with any real emotion.

The Star Wars Trilogy

I know I could be flogged in certain circles for putting this on my list but we all know that science fiction is not my genre. It probably didn’t help that I saw them for the first time about eight years ago. Star Wars (1977), The Empire Strikes Back (1980) and Return of the Jedi (1983) were pioneering when they first came out but in 1998 they seemed campy. Hey, don’t judge me. This is just one diva’s opinion.

Braveheart (1995)

Do you see a theme here? I guess these male-identified movies aren’t my cup of tea. Mel made a classic movie that will bring history and joy to many generations to come but I don’t think I’ll watch this movie again. Once all the way through was enough.

Scarface (1983)

The first scenes of this movie are unforgettable. Thousands of Cubans sailing to America. As someone who now lives in Miami, I can only imagine what it was like when the exodus of Cubans happened in the 80s. It was a critical movement that changed the make up and culture of the city forever. I wish more of that would have been examined rather than the sensational crime wave that followed. Scarface is an important American movie that is a must-see but the violence and tabloid nature diminish the film’s message.

Titanic (1997)

I know this is supposed to be The Great movie but c’mon. This is the perfect example of great sets, direction, script, music and special effects. My biggest problem with this movie was the casting. Kate Winslet was too big for scrawny Leonardo DiCaprio. He looked too young for her. While she did the best she could with the part, she was hideously miscast. I couldn’t help but think if she had moved her big ass over a bit he could have survived. Call me a romantic.

I finally made up with Claire

I watched Shopgirl (2005) again this weekend. I had gotten it through Netflix months ago. I remember thinking it was better than I expected it to be which is always a pleasant surprise. Part of my problem going into the movie was Claire Danes. I’ve always run lukewarm wit her. Even back in the days of My So Called Life, she slightly annoyed me. I never quite got her appeal.

As years went on, she separated herself from the usual pack of pretty but marginally talented actresses in her generation. She proved herself to be intelligent and thoughtful in her role selection. That’s why I was disappointed to see her audition for the role of The Other Woman. I’m speaking of her badly timed relationship with fine ass Billy Crudup. Usually I don’t care about the personal lives of actors enough to let it effect my movie watching but I thought this was particulary shitty since Crudup’s girlfriend of many years Mary Louise Parker was heavily pregnant with his baby.

Even if the relationship was on the rocks, they were still expecting a baby. Even if she was the bitch of a lifetime, she was pregnant with his baby. Even if Claire is the love of his life, he still owed Parker enough respect to be more discreet with his new love. Walking a few steps behind your paramour doesn’t make it a well-kept secret. The problem with these romances and similar situations is that the public is fickle. We like our celebrities to be adventurous and daring but we turn into puritans when we feel they’ve cross the line. Unfortunately, you can never know where that line will be drawn.

I have to admit none of these players rated on my radar except for Crudup who was a revelation in Almost Famous. I adored his talent and boyish good looks. Putting all of this aside, I did watch Stage Beauty, which was the film that lit the flame and they do have amazing chemistry.

Back to Shopgirl, I found it a delightful little movie. Based on a Steve Martin novella (that’s right The Jerk is a writer), it tells the story of Mirabelle Buttersfield, a Vermont transplant living in Los Angeles who must decide between the suave well-traveled and much older Ray (Steve Martin) and the work-in-progress Jeremy (Jason Schwartzman). It is elegantly shot and moves at a leisurely pace. Schwartzman as always is quirky and lovable as the underdog who must raise his game. I was amazed but Martin brought some to heat to his sex scenes. Danes was great as the heroine who must make life-altering decisions and grow up. It’s worth a watch and when you do, tell me what you think.

Was there an actor whose off-screen antics turned you off their on-screen persona? Feel free to insert Tom Cruise here. I feel it coming.

It's about damn time!

Finally, some good examples of effective public relations in Hollywood. Everyone knows that the bee in my bonnet lately has been malnourished starlets and stupid public relations decisions. I was extremely pleased to see two women have the balls to fess up to a problem and take control of their own message. Instead of pretending that they didn’t have the nose job or dumped by their movie star lover (even though they spent months denying they were even a couple), they fessed up to the truth or at least their version of the truth. The jig is up.

Who would have known that it would come from the perpetually drunk party girl Tara Reid and country cutie Sara Evans?

Tara Reid

She went from slush (a slut mixed with a lush) to lady in one well-placed tabloid article. Tara shared a painful story about a plastic surgery nightmare and low self-esteem. She came clean that she had a botched breast augmentation and liposuction that left her with deformed nipples with bumps and rippling on her stomach. TMI, Tara but it made a lot of sense and explained her behavior.

She explains that the implants were too big for her and stretched out her breasts to the point where boyfriends commented on them. Her self-esteem plummeted and she just recently got smaller reconstructed implants. She also said Lindsey Lohan reminded her of herself which should scare the shit out of little Lindsey. They even talked to the surgeon who did her reconstruction. They turned it around into a cautious piece to help women who consider plastic surgery. This was a great PR piece because she got to tell her story in her words and the pictures were lovely. Gone were the red blurry eyes. She looks clear and cheery.

Sara Evans

This meek country mouse sent shock waves through America when she pulled out of Dancing with the Stars. Okay, maybe no one else carried but I was shocked. Then we found out the ugly rumors of hard drives, nudity and divorce. She took the initiative and sat down with quirky host Tom Bergeron to discuss the matter. I was surprised she held it together so well. I would have been a sniveling mess. She explained that she was in the process of separating when allegations came forward about her husband. She decided to stay home and take care of her children. Kudos to Sara! Her paso doble was pretty week anyway.

Santa got the shaft

I was amused yesterday when I saw an article in USA Today regarding the new book The 101 Most Influential People Who Never Lived (Harper, $13.95, paperback original) by Allan Lazar, Dan Karlan and Jeremy Salter. The list is insightful and will definitely become the talk of offices across the country. It highlights the influence fictional characters have on pop culture. There are some baffling choices on this list but I realize not every one is as intelligent as I am. Just kidding! Well, sort of.

Some of these figures are mythical. Some are tied to monumental periods in history and important literary characters. I realize that some of these selected people may also speak to a specific generation mostly older but it’s fun to look at. I was shocked to see that Mickey Mouse wasn’t in the top 10. Mickey got stiffed. Even if you hate branding powerhouse Disney, you have to admit that Mickey meant a lot to us as children. Our big-eared friend still brings smiles to our parent’s faces, our faces, our children’s faces and more to come.

Other people who should have been ranked higher were Prince Charming (#20) who shapes girl’s first impressions of romantic love and men. Cinderella (#26) and Barbie (#46) who influence little boys and girls ideals on beauty. Uncle Sam (#61) is the face of a nation. Superman (#64) is the man of steel. Little boys and girls look up to him as a hero. Need I say more.

Here’s my take on the Top 5:

1. The Marlboro Man

I’m not sure how the personification of cigarette smoke and cancer was ranked number one but I think it speaks volumes on good well-placed marketing. Back in the day, The Marlboro Man taught a generation that it is cool to smoke. Men felt their chests puff out (not from the stifling effects of the smoke) but from the machismo and mystique of the cowboy.

2. Big Brother

We’ve always known that The Man was out to get us but George Orwell’s 1984 confirmed this fact. I have to admit something. I’ve never read the book but I can clearly see its influence on society. Hey, don’t judge me. I’m adding it to my reading list. Anyway, I’d like to say more but you-know-who may be listening in.

3. King Arthur

I don’t have anything to say on this. Maybe you can explain it to me.

4. Santa Claus (St. Nick)

Santa should have been number one. No other person has influenced all of us from birth. He’s known in every country and adored by children that don’t even celebrate Christmas. Who else transcends these lines? He’s a universal symbol of good will and honesty. SPOILER AHEAD: The realization that he is a fictional character ranks up there with one of the most devastating moments in a child’s life. Who else can claim that?

5. Hamlet

Ah, William Shakespeare. It’s nice to see two of his classic pieces of literature in the top 10. It shows how influential the Bard is. Themes and phrases from this work infiltrate our everyday life without us even realizing it. Romeo and Juliet was my favorite. Death, love, murder and suicide. How romantic.

Click here for the rest of the list.

What’s your take on the list? Who should have been ranked higher or is missing from the list?

Can you parent in stilettos?

No. A recent trip to Target prompted this question. I was in the process of returning two snug tops. You know the kind that technically fit but will burst at the seams if you sneeze. I didn’t want to be sausage girl so I returned them.

As I waited in line, I was accosted by the Stiletto-Wearing Hot Mom. You’ve seen her. SWHM has strategically placed chunky highlighted hair, acrylic enhanced French manicured nails, second skin jean peddle pushers and 3 ½ inch mule sandals. Perfect attire for a day at Target with your husband and two small children. Don’t get me wrong. Girlfriend was workin’ it, running after her toddler while giving direction to her daughter and husband.

However, I just can’t shake the idea that you can’t parent properly in stilettos. It’s impossible to truly chase after your children and clean a house while teetering on high heels. My Ohio roots can’t grasp the idea. The women of Miami don’t have a problem with the concept. No visit to a mall is complete without the attack of the glamazon mothers and their budding daughters. The glamazonettes. The apple doesn’t fall far from those trees. They’re gorgeous but look uncomfortable.

Once again, I hold celebrity worship responsible for this annoying trend. Everyone wants to step out of their drab life and become fabulous. We want to eat the popcorn that Oprah eats (it’s delicious by the way), taste the rum JayZ drinks and vacation where the Kennedy’s do. We want to live this fantasy life that is leagues from our reality.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t dream or strive for something different. I simply know Mariah Carey can travel to Japan in a cashmere track suit and Jimmy Choos because she is an extremely well taken care of human. She doesn’t have to handle her bags, tickets, dogs or any children. She could probably get someone to carry her if she wanted to. It’s just the facts. Catherine Zeta Jones doesn’t go grocery shopping or cook so she doesn’t have to worry about schlepping bags or burning the chicken. Her housekeeper and personal chef will assist her with that.

Every woman knows there’s a fine line between living in comfortable flip flops and your favorite pair of red satin pumps but that’s the challenge that busy moms and women in general face every day. It takes a confident women to put vanity aside and realize that comfortable flats are for the mall and the satin pumps are for a great night out with a handsome fella and a good bottle of wine or the bedroom. Or both

I’m urging all you hot moms to embrace your practical side and go for the flats. Think of it this way, you still have the over-processed hair and tight jeans. That has to count for something.

The Wisteria Needs Less Fertilizer

Week after week I watch Desperate Housewives in hopes that it will recapture the wit and dark humor of the first season. And at times I’m pleased and that familiar smile crosses my face but then something will happen that wipes that hard-earned smile away. I watched DH last season out of respect for the first season and was deeply disappointed most of the time. Where was the humor and the unique characters? That’s the best you can come up with for Alfre Woodard?

I’ll start off by saying that one thing DH does well is moving a plot along. We don’t have to wait a full season to see who was a killer or who slept with who. That’s definitely a plus. Episodes always have a clear theme that it opens and closes with. And when this show is on it’s heads above the others but lately DH characters seem to be driven by plot not true character instinct. In other words, the characters are propelled by plot devices.

The problem with this is that when you connect with a character and get to know them, you also get a sense of what they might say or do. Plot devices make them move against those instincts. It’s kinda like finding out that your kind Christian grandmother was a whore in the old country. It just doesn’t make sense and probably isn’t true.

The best way to examine what I’m talking about is by looking at each character.

Lynette (Felicity Huffman)

Lynette is actually the most well-written of the housewives. Her character is grounded and extremely sarcastic. She reminds you of your smart-ass best friend or co-worker. Lynette gives you a complex portrayal of a modern woman who struggles with being a solid mother, wife and provider. The glitch in her character arc seems to be her timid husband. Granted she’s strong but he comes across too weak. You almost question why she’s with him but when they are on the same page, and they usually are, they are the most functional couple on the show. The introduction of a love child came out of nowhere. It would have been more realistic to have him cheat. I would have believed that more that the one-night stand. His baby’s momma is over the top and annoying.

Bree (Marcia Cross)

I find it hard to believe that Bree would have been involved with two psychopaths within two years of her husband dying. Things were rough between her and her husband but she loved him. Her strict sense of etiquette would have caused a mourning period. Wouldn’t you be more cautious after the first loon? Her nervous breakdown was handled well but her choice of men is suspect and her children are the perfect example of kids that are given too much. Her son coming out of the closet was fun but quickly became a platform to be promiscuous and seek revenge on Bree. And did I mention that her new husband is a killer. Can’t wait to see how that plays out.

Susan (Teri Hatcher)

Susan is the comedy relief. She has dizzy klutzy moments that make her human. After playing with our emotions for two seasons regarding her relationship with Mike (James Denton), he goes into a coma just when he’s about to propose. That’s so daytime drama. Now he has amnesia. Classic. It was hard to believe that after two years of pining for Mike, she gave up on him after 6 months in a coma. Although, Ian (Dougray Scott) is a yummy diversion. Would flighty Susan really do that? Also, it’s hard to imagine that Edie (Nicollette Sheridan) would be the only one to bend Mike’s ear. Where are the other denizens of Wisteria Lane? Why would Mike believe Edie? Even if he has amnesia, he would still remember what a predatory vamp she can be.

Gabrielle (Eva Longoria)

Gabby is straight out of a Spanish-language novella complete with loud outfits and overacting. Her character has become a caricature. She’s too greedy, spoiled and self-centered to be considered a real person. It’s hard to feel any sympathy for her. You can’t relate to her. The bigger issue, however, is her portrayal of a Mexican-American woman. Why do the Mexicans have to be the craziest people on the block? At first, I enjoyed the idea that the minorities were rich, beautiful and educated. Then they started fighting, cheating and getting loud. I’m surprised some Hispanic group hasn’t boycotted the show yet.

Are you still feelin' DH?

Don't Try This at Home

My rant yesterday opened up the floodgates on what is acceptable in Hollywood. It’s a fickle town that breeds fickle people and that quality seems to trickle down to the general public. After all, we are influenced by pop culture.

Imagines of celebrities past and present who have been burned by the temperamental public instantly flooded my mind. Here are a few examples of what not to do in Hollywood?

Don’t pack extra junk in your trunk

Hollywood is the land of the bobble heads. With their razor-sharp clavicles and twig-like legs, they dominate the trendy scene and influence millions of young women who think it’s normal to be malnourished and underweight. The best example of this was Delta Burke. The stunning designing woman was literally stoned for gaining weight and not shedding it. She personified the woman that tried to suppress her body’s natural form. While she inspired everyday women to embrace their curves, it cost her a career. Besides a few Lifetime movies, she never fully recovered from the backlash.

Don’t mess with the tresses

One word. Felicity. Remember when Kerri Russell got the brilliant idea to chop her beautiful cascading curls. She was immediately met with resistance and trash talking. It seems America loved her hair more than they loved her. Ouch! She just recently started to get her career back. Faith Hill also got the bright idea to cut and peroxide her mane. Unfortunately, she resembled someone recovering from a bout with a serious unnamed illness.

Don’t appear in a sucky movie

I know this could apply to any actor but I have to add that this sucky movie can’t have raunchy sex scenes. Elizabeth Berkley murdered her career (and is still the butt of jokes) when she appeared in Showgirls. This movie was so extremely over hyped and tragic that it has become a cult classic. It’s the sexual aspect that kills careers. It makes you the girl or guy who is down for whatever and that ain’t good. See, you can be in a crappy movie like Dude, Where’s My Car? and have a hit TV show years later. Ask Jennifer Garner. On the flip side, if the sexually explicit movie is good it can launch your career. Ask Sharon Stone.

Don’t visit the schoolyards for dates

This may sound like common sense but it really isn’t. Jerry Lee Lewis was poised to be the next Elvis when he decided to marry his 13-year-old cousin. What’s more disturbing? That she was 13 or his kin. You decide. R. Kelly also has a penchant for young underage girls. The R & B crooner not only likes them young. He also likes to record his escapades.

What other acts are celebrity suicides?

Riggs Could Have Used a Talk From Murtaugh

Mel Gibson’s latest interview has prompted me to analyze his fall from grace. It’s a smart public relations move to confront the issue in a national forum and open yourself up to scrutiny. His PR and marketing machine is on the right track.

However, I don’t understand how his drunken rant has turned him into a pariah in Hollywood and the public’s eye. I will say that I don’t condone any message or actions of hate or rage but I think when you’re skunky drunk like he was it, doesn’t necessarily count. How may times has a family member been inebriated and felt compelled to share secrets? I don’t need to know that Uncle Stan sleeps in the nude but I realize he was drunk and his TMI meter was broken.

I understand that Hollywood is dominated by Jews and that’s great but did his drunken speech really measure up to the overt racism they must face on a daily basis. I imagine they’re confronted with ignorance wherever they go. My personal theory is that he fell out of favor the minute he started preaching his conservative brand of Catholicism. We love our celebrities to be colorful and eccentric but nothing turns us sour more than feeling someone is lecturing you. Hello, Tom Cruise.

It didn’t help that his mega-huge-gigantic-blockbuster The Passion of the Christ alienated many and contained controversial scenes regarding the Jews role in killing Christ. There was already bad blood. For some it might have been religion for others it was the money and career boost. Up until his DUI arrest, all you heard was what a fantastic guy he was. He loved his family and practical jokes. He gets pulled over and stupidly speaks and all of a sudden he’s a deranged bigot who should be banned from the motion picture industry.

He definitely needs to atone for his poor choices. This shouldn’t be made easy for him. I just find it disappointing that it wasn’t a bigger concern that he was driving drunk and could have killed innocent people. I guess that’s okay in Hollywood. It’s sad that more compassion wasn’t shown to a man that after years of sobriety fell off the wagon. I guess that’s okay in Hollywood. No once seemed to notice that a married man was out cavorting with young girls the night he was arrested. I guess that’s okay in Hollywood.

We now know the one thing that's not okay in Hollywood.

Haven't I Seen You Before?

The confusion started about a week ago as I was watching a movie trailer about a magician. J blurts out that he wants to see the movie since he likes Ed Norton. It’s only after the quick MTV-esque edits that we realize the stars of the flick are Hugh Jackman and Christian Bale. But wasn’t there a movie out a few weeks ago about a magician? What’s the difference between The Illusionist and The Prestige? The titles are even similar and just how many magician movies have come out in the last 10 years that we have to be bombarded with magic movies within weeks of each other.

I know there is probably a flaw in the Hollywood studio system that put films with similar topics in production at the same time. Competition must lend a hand in making certain topics relevant. Did you hear Warner Brothers has a Mama and Papas biopic coming? We should do something. Why else would there be Capote and a year later Infamous? How much Truman Capote can we take especially since Philip Seymour Hoffman was so wonderful as the soft-spoken yet manipulative author? What unanswered questions were left in Capote that Infamous can shed new light?

My earliest memory of this dates back to the Freaky Friday spin-offs of Vice Versa (1988) and Like Father, Like Son (1987) both starring the 80s craptacular babes Fred Savage and Kirk Cameron. As a youngster, I was a fan of Trapper John, M.D. Gonzo was super hot in my eyes. Over the years, however, Trapper John morphed into St. Elsewhere then ER then Grey’s Anatomy. Apocalypse Now became The Deer Hunter and then Full Metal Jacket and then Platoon. Mandy Moore played the President’s daughter in Chasing Liberty (2004) within months of Katie Holmes (before she was abducted by Tom Cruise) rehashing the same plot in First Daughter.

CSI was a great show but isn’t it the same as CSI: Miami and CSI: New York. It’s just crimes in different cities. Not much differs considering that the plot advances so briskly that there is little room for character development. Gary Sinise can make it work while David Caruso offers supper club quality acting. I expect him to say “Try the meatloaf. I’ll be here all week folks.” Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip is dangerously close to 30 Rock despite the format differences.

It’s unacceptable that moviegoers have to put up with ridiculous remakes of everything from children’s favorites, classic cinema to 70s TV sitcoms. Why must you cram Flags of our Fathers down my throat when Letters from Iwo Jima is coming out soon? Watching two movies with the same subject is redundant if you have nothing new to share. It’s especially hurtful when one production is better than the other. I’d rather be an original Diva than a brokedown version of anyone else.

All I’m asking for is some originality in writing and programming. Challenge me and yourself. I crave creative riveting material. I want to be shocked, amazed, tearful and most of all moved. Show me something new. I deserve it and so do you.

What shows or movies give you a case of déjà vu ?

Billie Jean Is Not My Lover

As I entered the Metro Mover this morning for my daily glide through downtown Miami, I realized that this eclectic mix of homeless, urban workers and students have become my unofficial family. I am truly one with the people or at least the guy who’s staring at me seems to think so. I put on my headphones and let the music become my soundtrack. I settle into my ritual ride with my eccentric brethren and observe.

Music has made my daily commute bearable. Once again, the restorative power of music allows me to escape as I watch the day’s events and characters play out. When I’m feeling urban gritty chic, I play The Roots or Alicia Keys. I soak in a man who gets on the mover from time to time. No lie, he looks like an older version Lamont Sanford’s best friend Rollo from Sanford & Son complete with puffy disheveled Afro and enormous mustache and side burns that engulf his face. I’m dying to take a picture but don’t him to think I’m stalking him. Who knows, he might be into that.

I set my sites on an older dark gentlemen pushing a baby stroller onto the Mover. I thought he was pushing his belongings around like so many transients but he was really pushing newborn. I’m not proud of this but for a second, I thought he might have stolen the baby. I already mapped out a plan to rescue the stolen tot and picked out my ensemble for my Oprah Winfrey Show appearance where I was honored for my quick cat-like instincts. Turns out he was with his much younger wife and their 2-year-old daughter.

I sometimes put on my classic rock playlist. Downtown constructions workers are more entertaining with Journey or Aerosmith playing in the background. There’s Angry Construction Guy who is always intense, which might be sexy if it weren’t so intimidating and slightly scary. He’s a solid blue-collar guy who must ponder the meaning of life or how to cure cancer based on his posture and facial expressions. He’s the polar opposite of Intellectual Construction Worker. His affable and friendly face seems to question his vocation. He’s always carrying a textbook and intent on studying it every free minute. He’s either studying for the bar or brushing up on his cement pouring techniques.

I save my chill playlist of Radiohead, Coldplay and Sade for when I’m feeling thoughtful and contemplative. This music is the perfect compliment to Cute Brickell Guy who his quite tan and coiffed within an inch of his life. He’s either the biggest metrosexual I’ve ever encountered or gay. Either way he’s the perfect fantasy guy. You know the guy who looks perfect but is probably extremely vain or stupid therefore you never talk to him in order to keep the dream alive. It also captures the stories of the entry-level girls trying to distinguish the fine line between office appropriate and nightclub attire and the art school students who find 101 creative ways to wear their colorful Converse sneakers.

I guess the point of this blog was a nod to music. As I get older, I appreciate different styles of music and how they make me feel. A well-placed Michael Jackson song can turn your day around and make sense of the nonsense. Those three minutes can save your life.

I Almost Failed Chemistry in High School

I finally got to my Netflix movies this weekend. I watched Johnny Depp in The Libertine. He was great and it’s an interesting story of Earl of Rochester and King Charles II but overall it seemed long and lackluster. He’s a gem.

My other selection Ask the Dust (2006) was based on the novel by John Fante. It tells the story Italian-American novelist Arturo Bandini (Colin Farrel) and Mexican waitress Camilla Lopez (Salma Hayek). Both are struggling in Depression-era Los Angeles searching for the elusive American dream. For each it means leaping outside their ethic box and becoming more all American in name and manner.

The relationship is tense to say the least but there is a chemistry that can’t be denied. The movie was slow and at times tedious but the performances of Hayek and Farrell are worth watching. Hayek is smoldering as the headstrong waitress looking to get snatch prosperity with two hands. She is becoming my new favorite thing. I love that she’s breathtakingly beautiful and yet smart and creative. It doesn’t seem fair for one person to have all that beauty and brains too. Not for nothing but I’d feel better if she had chronic halitosis or something.

Farrell was clean and primped to play the cocky struggling writer. You could actually see his dark Irish good looks. His accent was flawless and the 1930s suits fit him perfectly. I look forward to seeing him in more of these roles. It’s exhausting watching play the burned out bad boy. It’s time for him to stretch.

Sparkling performances and raw heat make this worth a look. As we all know, chemistry can sell a mediocre movie or elevate a great movie. Hayek and Farrell made me think about the great on-screen chemistry that has made movie going such as pleasure over the years.

Here are some of my favorites:

Kathleen Turner and William Hurt- Body Heat (1981)

You can’t talk about sexual chemistry without a shout out to this groundbreaking film. This was Turner at her husky-voiced/long-legged best. Hurt was young and eager to please. All I can say is I found another use for the butcher block.

Holly Hunter and Harvey Keitel – The Piano (1993)

I know what you’re thinking. Where’s the chemistry here? There is one scene that may be the most erotic scene in any movie I’ve ever scene. It’s where Keitel catches a glimpse of open skin on Hunter’s leg. Mind you she’s been covered up with petticoat over petticoat. He proceeds to stick his finger in the hole of her tights. It might not seem like a lot but it strikes me as HOT. I’m flushed just talking about it now.

Ralph Fiennes and Kristin Scott Thomas- The English Patient (1996)

Ironically, these are two of the most aloof actors to ever make it on the big screen. They specialize on remote and complex characters that rarely crack a smile. However, they filmed one of the steamiest scenes that proves you never know who two actors can do together. That’s why it’s called chemistry. I’m referring to the scene where he rips the buttons off her in an attempt to consume her. Who would have known that had it in them?

Diane Lane and Olivier Martinez – Unfaithful (2002)

Lord have mercy, this couple is pretty. If I could bottle the chemistry in this movie, I’d be a billionaire. Their first encounter is shockingly real. I don’t know where the emotional conflict came from but I had tears in my eyes. A revelation. Even the scene of him reading the cookbook to her made my temperature rise. My audience was made up of mostly women who repeatedly gasped throughout this film.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie – Mr. & Mrs. Smith (2005)

What do you get when you put two of the most attractive actors on the planet in a movie? Perfection. Not only were they easy on the eyes. They developed a genuine on-screen relationship through humor and emotion. They didn’t rest on their good looks. They are another couple who seem to have hit the genetic jackpot. They transcend their pretty image through humanitarian efforts and their rainbow tribe of children.

Is Meredith the new Maude?

I will admit that I was late coming to the Grey’s Anatomy party. I just started watching at the end of last season during the Denny drama. I’m a convert who now watches it religiously. The writing is smart, quick and witty. The actors become their characters leaving little room for distraction or doubt.

The emphasis of the show is always the sexual chemistry between the characters. While McDreamy and McSteamy make me McHappy, I truly watch the show for the women. They are strong and direct. This is a women identified show. These women could be my friends.

Initially, I held off watching Grey’s because of the main character Meredith (Ellen Pompeo). On first glance, I found Meredith to be plain, boring and melodramatic. The entire set up for the show was like a bad Lifetime movie. You know where the women has a one-night stand and meets him the next day in some work-related capacity. Does this happen in real life? But wait, he’s also married. Give me a break.

It wasn’t until I watched a full episode last season that I realized, she’s not as dopey and annoying as she seems. This season has brought a more confident and bold Meredith. I salute her decision to date her paramours. Make them work for it. She sends a positive message to woman and girls. It’s okay to date and to be picky. You’re worth it. Her speech last night about being pursued was brilliant. Men no longer have to be chivalrous because women have become the aggressors. We do all the wooing trying to prove that we’re independent. Somewhere along the way, feminism took a nasty turn and amounted to women feeling that they don’t need to be cherished or sought after.

Christina (Saundra Oh) and Bailey (Chandra Wilson) put a new face on the wise-cracking minority sidekick. They’re no longer there for comic relief. These women of color break stereotypes and support the truth that not every top-rated TV show needs to be all white. Christina proves that women can be intelligent and get the man, smart and fine one at that. I’m not mad at her. It’s nice to see an interracial couple that doesn’t have to defend their relationship due to race. Bailey pushes you to the limit with her drive and demanding nature but redeems herself with her humanity.

Callie (Sara Ramirez) and Addison (Kate Walsh) are interesting tales. They both illustrate the masculine side of the female. Callie pursued George (T.R. Knight) like an man. She let it be know what she wanted and got it. Addison did the unthinkable or at least for a woman. She cheated on her thoughtful husband with his hot ass best friend. In other words, women can have the same tendencies that men have.

Izzie (Katherine Heigl) has been written splendidly this season. Her bout with grief isn’t filled with the usual episode of tears, screams and a miraculous recovery after one month. She’s shattered and can’t be put back together so easily. Just like in real life. She may never be the same again. The eccentric touches of her grieving process, the baking and standing outside the hospital, depict her as a complex women. This storyline could lead to an Emmy nod for Heigl. Though it would be hard to get past the amazing Oh.

What are your thoughts on Grey’s Anatomy?

Reality Television All-Stars

I want to take the time to pay tribute to all of the entertaining and colorful characters that bring life to one my guilty pleasures – reality television. As I’ve stated before, I’m a bit highbrow when it come to my reality programming. I endorse programs that promote a true vocation or skills that result in a career opportunity or cash winnings. I’m not into being a voyeur in someone’s downfall like Being Bobby Brown or the Anna Nicole Smith Show. I also live for programs that give you a glimpse into other worlds or professions.

Reality television wouldn’t be the same without these brave and often hilarious people. I call them the Reality Television All-Stars. They run the gamut but are all exception in what they do. Bravo!

Dog the Bounty Hunter

If you haven’t seen this thrilling show of a leather-faced bounty hunter in Hawaii and his wacky relatives, you’ve missed great television. On first glance, he seems to be a caricature with his bleach-blonde mullet with feathers, tight black jeans, black wife beater and classic 70s cowboy boots. In reality, he’s very compassionate. He’s the Dr. Phil of bounty hunters. He can tap into the emotions of fragile meth addicts in 30 seconds. His wife Beth is a low rent Mae West. To give you another visualization, Beth can be mistaken for a female wrestler. Dog has an extended clan that puts Ma and Pa Kettle to shame. His show is a funny look into the triumphs and pitfalls of the bounty industry.

The Dog Whisperer

Cesar Millan is a friggin’ genius. Let me just say that his dog psychology techniques can be used on small children and husbands. I’m not gonna say how I know this but they do. Cesar can break down a yippy mutt with his mere presence. His practice of calm assertive power has made me want to become the leader of my pack. The best moments on the show are watching his utter disgust and amazement when he has to explain to dog owners that the dog is in fact a dog and not their child. People are also astonished to know that they actually need to walk their dog for it to be well adjusted. By the way, I love this program and I don’t have a dog.

Tim Gunn

Project Runway’s resident mentor is a class act. He’s bright, dry humored and impeccable. He’s so succint in his words and manners. Tim is extremely upright. He’s like the Tin Man in a Brooks Brothers suit. His directive of ‘make it work’ is timeless and usually sends the designers into a creative frenzy. It’s worth watching the show for him alone. What a delight. Check out his blog.

Mike Rowe

The Dirty Jobs host is not only adventurous; he’s incredibly hunky in that working class man’s man kind of way. For those who haven’t seen Dirty Jobs, Mike takes up viewers on their ideas of what they consider a dirty job. During a recent marathon, I saw him sort trash at a recycling plant, mine for coal in West Virginia and fry pig skin at a roadside restaurant. He even came face-to-face with pissed off monkeys in Africa that left him with razor-like gashes. His sense of humor is reason enough to tune in- and his smile.

Ms. & Mr. J

No, they aren’t a new crimefighting duo. The two Js make up the creative team on America’s Next Top Model. J Alexander is the genderbending runway coach and judge to the model wannabes. Jay Manual is the flawless innovative force behind their photo shoots and the occasional ‘girlfriend’ who has to keep it real with the models. Combine these two personalities and you have comic perfection.

Who's your All-Star team?

Marketing 101

I firmly believe marketing and public relations rule the world especially the celebrity world. Sure there’s such a thing as talent, intellect and good looks but smart marketing can sell book to Paris Hilton. It can also help the average person navigate the tricky world of office politics and home life. I’ve often thought there should be a class or professionals who handle personal public relations/marketing. I’m not just saying that to branch off on a new profession but who knows this could be my $1 million idea. My post-its. My own My Space. My TiVo. You get my point.

Below are a list of celebrity marketing geniuses. These people know how to make lemonade out of lemons. All hail the Queens and Kings of Marketing.

Madonna

The mother of reinvention and pushing the boundaries. Madonna has raised marketing to another level. She’s a marginal singer and unconventional beauty. Yet, she is one of the most influential people in pop culture. I remember hearing Borderline on American Bandstand, they were rating the record, and asking my mom to go out and buy this record from a band called Madonna. Two things are really funny about this story. One, I watched American Bandstand every week and second, record were still the best way to hear music. Madonna’s constant morphing continues to make her relevant. It would have been sad to see a 40-something Madonna prancing around the stage with a dark roots perm and 1,000 black plastic bracelets on her wrist.

Hugh Hefner

You know I love me some Hef. I admire his innovative spirit in bringing legitimacy to a smut rag. That’s brilliant. Playboy epitomizes a much sought after lifestyle. It was one man’s vision and at 80 he’s still going strong. He still reviews every page of the magazine. He basically created his dream job, shattered taboo subjects and got plenty of ladies. How cool is that?

Howard Stern

This guy knew early on that he wasn’t going to make it on his looks. It’s always been about his imagination and his voice. Don’t get me wrong, I can’t stand Howard Stern. I find him inflammatory for the sake of being inflammatory. But I realize that he’s playing a character, a role that makes for entertaining radio. It concerns be that some of his listeners believe everything his says but that doesn’t take away from what he’s done for radio. He’s actually found a place for a strippers and drunk dwarfs to call home. Guerilla marketing.

Oprah Winfrey

As you know, I strive to be Oprah-esque. Here’s a woman that was born poor and black in the South. She struggled with sexual abuse and teenage promiscuity. She was able to turn all those factors around and become America’s authority on everything. Have you seen her groupies on the show? They adore her in that slightly wild-in-the-eye manner. She’s a marketing guru. Not only did her book club read Night by Elie Wiesel. She parlayed that into a scholarship essay contest for high school students. Then she took it further and had the students meet with the author. The icing on the cake was her one-on-one interview with Elie as they walked through the concentration camp he wrote about. Amazing.

Sean Combs

Puff Daddy. P Diddy. Diddy. Whatever the hell he’s calling himself these days. He may be a mediocre rap artists but this icon went from smart intern to hip hop producing mogul without missing a beat. His genius is in recognizing talents and cultivating trends. If he said kids should wear their underwear on their heads, they would. He yields that power. He doesn’t get enough credit for his business ventures. He sends a strong message to the hip hop community and youth that it’s not enough to be an artist and make money. You need to own your lyrics and bring up other artists. He’s truly a businessman who dabbles in everything and finds success through hard work and marketing savvy. Russell Simmons is brilliant at the same hustle.

Who do you think is a marketing genius?

A Tear Falls

It probably started like any other day. The children woke up to breakfast and early morning chores. They sprinted to school since it was a short walk while others were late as usual. Their mothers kissed them goodbye and said they loved them. ‘I’ll see you at lunch,’ they probably said. ‘Be good and mind your teacher’, another echoed. Just like any other day but of course we know October 2 wasn’t like any other day for the Amish community in Lancaster, Pennsylvania.

Meanwhile, Charles Carl Roberts IV, a father of three, started his day by arming himself with three guns, a stun gun, two knives, a pile of wood and a bag of 600 rounds of ammunition. He headed off to the schoolhouse with a score to settle and lives to shatter.

We all know what happened next. I’m compelled to speak on this today because it needs to be discussed. Everyone in the world should be shocked and outraged at this cowardly act. It’s going to be talked about a lot today and it should.

In Miami, we have our fair share of missing, abused and murdered children. It’s appalling and you never get used to these stories. Movies, television and music have conditioned us to tolerate these violent acts and assimilate them into our culture. Death has become a perverse attraction especially to teenagers. Death is real and life is fleeting.

Imagine a place where violent images and messages are seldom whispered. You can still play in the street and neighbors look out for neighbors without hesitation. There probably aren’t even locks on the door. I can only imagine how this is impacting the Amish. We’ve managed to bring our depraved neurosis to their community. Those poor little girls. I hope their last thoughts weren’t fearful.

I have an issue with the news crews showing this massacre live. This is now part of “live” television. It’s part of our culture to watch hostage situations and police chases on the evening news as if it were a movie but what we forget is that these people are real. We’re not watching an episode of CSI. These are real people and real situations. We’re impeding on their privacy for ratings. Is there even such a thing as privacy these days? We stalk our celebrities, politicians and anyone else who has a juicy story. I’m not saying the media shouldn’t cover live events. I just believe that at times it is exploitation. Barreling into Amish country is exploitive and disrespectful. It makes a great story today but will the media do any follow-up once the fury has died. Will the local TV stations help in the healing process?

Today, I’m asking you to be a little kinder. Kiss your husband even though he didn’t fill up the water container. Hug your children even if they won’t go to bed tonight. Remember those little girls. Love.

The 'A Ha' Moment

I had an ‘a ha’ moment last night as I watched Walk the Line on HBO. Actually it was a déjà vu ‘a ha’ moment, that moment when you finally understand something. I had gotten the same feeling watching the movie when it first came out in theaters. As a rabid movie goer, I get this feeling all the time. It’s usually accompanied by a quick smile or a slight tingling up my spine. I cherish my ‘a ha’ moments because it usually means that I fully understand the appeal/performance of an actor or I see them in a different light.

My ‘a ha’ moments have enriched my cinema experiences and helped me grow has a viewer. I firmly believe in the healing power of escapism in film. I also believe that motion pictures have a rich tradition of storytelling that often leads to an education. You can learn from a movie.

Below are some ‘a ha’ moments that changed my life and views of the actors:

Joaquin Phoenix- Walk the Line (2005)

I had no doubt that he was a great actor but his roles usually ran the dark creepy route. Creepy has never been an aphrodisiac for me. His portrayal of Johnny Cash opened me up to his sex appeal. I finally got it. Reese Witherspoon was a delight as June Carter and I believe stole the movie but her scenes with Joaquin were electric. His vulnerability was a turn on. He’s no River but he’s definitely come into his own.

Russell Crowe- A Beautiful Mind (2001)

Up until this point, I thought of Russell as the chameleon. He was the man’s man and the actor’s actor. I knew he was brilliant but I never got warmth from him. A Beautiful Mind showed a softer side to him. It was exciting watching this great intellectual fall in love and reason his way through insanity. He also has the most enormous hands I’ve ever seen. They’re truly obscene.

Diane Lane- Unfaithful (2002)

This is an underrated movie containing one of the most honest scenes ever filmed. Diane Lane went beyond her charming and lovely exterior to reach a complex suburban wife with the perfect house, husband and child but is still unsatisfied. Her train ride home after her first indiscretion is unforgettable. Her face conveys the competing emotions of her heart and mind. This scene alone should have garnered her the Oscar. I recommended this movie to several people. Most didn’t like it. It’s still hard for people to imagine a woman having an affair especially one who seems to have it all. Watch it! Also, Olivier Martinez is a little slice of French heaven.

Adrien Brody- Summer of Sam (1999)

Those who know me, know that Adrien has been one of my favorites for some time. The first time I saw him was in this movie and I knew immediately that he had something special. He plays a Bronx kid that longs to escape this common life for the excitement of Manhattan. His descent into NYC’s punk scene and seedy porn life was vivid. Spike Lee crafted a masterful glimpse into this time and place. These people become real to you. Spike knows ethnic groups in the boroughs like no other.

Meryl Streep- The Devil Wears Prada (2006)

Meryl will get a Golden Globe nomination for this and possibly another nom for Best Supporting Actress. She’s delightfully sinister as the fashion editor from hell. It’s obvious that she is the great actress of her generation and more but boy is she great at comedy. She really has a great sense of comedic timing. My first experience with Meryl was Kramer vs. Kramer. I went to see this at the theater. What a strange request from an 8-year-old. She broke my heart in Sophie’s Choice and Out of Africa. This woman can do it all.

Tom Cruise- Magnolia (1999)

Yes, I put Mr. Cruise on this list. He was amazing as the arrogant self-help guru. Tom has always played the same character over and over. The handsome but cocky (insert occupation here). The love of a good woman brings out his sensitive side. How boring. This role was brief but well-acted and well-written. A revelation for him. His dramatic roles usually turn into melodrama.