What would you do if your mother came back from the grave?

I don’t always see the appeal of Penelope Cruz as an actress. I get her unconventional beauty, poise and feminine qualities but her acting has been questionable. The only time she seems to sparkle is in Spanish-language films. As was the case in Volver, which was my weekend movie. I wasn’t sure that I was up to reading subtitles. My Spanish is passable in small doses and simple conversations.

Volver follows the path of Raimunda (Cruz), her daughter Paula (Yohana Cobo) and Raimunda’s sister Sole (Lola Duenas) four years after the death of their mother. The death of their great aunt and return of their mother Irene (Carmen Maura) sets a series of acts in motion that are difficult to predict. Described as a comedy, I found it amusing but not really a comedy. The film was filled with revelations that were not only heartbreaking but also surprising. I don’t want to give away too much.

As always, director Pedro Almodovar allows us to reside in his colorful reality and his hometown region of La Mancha. The opening scenes of women cleaning their relative’s graves brought back memories. I spent many a Saturday, cleaning and planting flowers at relative’s graves. I know the passion and emotions that go into the process.

I’ve been an admirer of Almodovar since Tie Me Up! Tie Me Down! It was my introduction to the quirky director and yummy Antonio Banderas. I didn’t think I could like once of his films more than the creepy yet engaging Bad Education but Volver was very good in a more conventional way.

Cruz possesses that Meg Ryan quality of tearing up without letting the tears drop. Her character was expressive and complex. At first glance you see one dimension but her many layers are unveiled as the movie progresses making her the most dynamic person next to her mother. I enjoyed the theme and pace of the film. Maura, a Almodovar alumn was endearing as a mother seeking forgiveness.

What did you see this weekend?

Random Thoughts on a Friday

Another week, another dollar. Unfortunately my busy schedule has prevented me from contributing to my blog the way I would like to but don’t fret. I’m back for my random Friday thoughts. I’ve done a lot of random TV watching that has left me dazed and confused. You’ll have to let me know what you think.

Pampered and Pussy-whipped

Or as the E! Network likes to call them Katie and Peter (pronounced Peet-A). Why these two have a reality show in the US is beyond me. From what the show explains, Katie Price is a well-known media whore in England. She’s famous for her scantily clad model alter ego Jordan. That’s right she channels another character when she models. Jordan is the trashier Pamela Anderson of Great Britain. The wicked party girl has branched into clothing, books and other enterprises. Peter Andre is a former boy bander who has branched out as a pop idol. The ethnic Nick Lachey of Great Britain.

Legend has it the two participated in some Survival-type show for celebrities, fell in love and got married. The reality show follows them around. She appears to be vapid and spoiled. He appears to be man-flaky and hot for her body. The show is like watching animals in the zoo. You’ve heard about people like this but never seen them close up. It’s oddly absorbing but probably only intrigues me because of the celebrity/pop culture sparkle. Does America really care about these people? Is this what the Posh Spice/Becks circus is going to look like?

Room with a View, Please

Rosie finally talked herself off The View. I like Rosie but she must be a headache to work with or even manage. I never thought that someone could be too opinionated for that show. The interesting thing about being outspoken is that it only works if you have something provocative to share. Being a gay parent isn’t enough of a platform to speak from because that’s not all you are. Rosie was unable to show enough facets to continue. I’m sure the spin they are making in true- this is a contract issue but if you really want someone for the job, you oblige.

Charm School My Ass

VH1 has abandoned their role as the older stately sister to MTV. They are now the Jerry Springer Network. (No pun intended. They also have a show that enlightens us to the tactics and procedures in booking and shooting Jerry Springer’s colorful guests.) Flavor of Love Girls Charm School is brilliant on the surface. Bring back the eclectic group of girls who vied for the Crypt Keeper’s affections over the last two season and dangle money in front of their face. The only problem is that a third of the girls have anger issues, another third is seeking Z-list celebrity from the show and the last third is truly ignorant. This is not a great combination. I can’t watch the show because I really feel sorry for them. Usually, I can bask in the glow of dramatic girl-on-girl catfights but these girls are exploiting themselves.

What do you think?

Help Jerry's Kids

Was it just me or was American Idol’s telecast last night a horrendous rendition of a Jerry Lewis telethon? Remember the ghastly yet entertaining marathons of zany comedians, boozy host, juggling acrobats and polyester clad singing groups. Update the clothes and add some John Mayer music and you have Idol Gives Back, awkward pandering segments that placed Simon and Ryan in Africa, Randy in Louisiana and Paula in Atlanta. The most sincere person was Simon. He was truly appalled by the living conditions in Africa and inspired by the LA food bank. I couldn’t help but wish he’d break a piece off his fat cat paycheck for these causes.

To add salt to the wound, the contestants were asked to sing inspirational songs. Puleeze! Not only was the hour-long show padded with tear-inducing images of poor hungry children, we had to hear Kiki shriek through her “inspirational” song.

Here’s the run down:

Chris- Change the World

Not quite sure how this is an inspirational song and not a love song but Justin Timberfake belted it like he was changing the world. He still didn’t connect with me but the judges praised his weak attempt.

Melinda-There Will Come a Day

Not familiar with the song but she sang the hell out of it. Gave it a gospel quality. It wasn’t my favorite performance of hers but still leagues above the rest.

Blake-Imagine

This was the most hollow, uninspired version of Imagine I’ve ever heard. He was concentrating so hard on hitting the notes that he didn’t beat box or moon walk.

LaKisha-I Believe

Honey, never take on a Fantasia song. She performs from the top of her head to the bottomof her toes. She’s a young Patti LaBelle. Kiki’s lack of range is weighing on all of us. She will be leaving us soon.

Phil-The Change

Another week and he hasn’t sucked that bad. Still not showing much emotion but his vocals have greatly improved. He may have bought himself another week.

Jordin-You’ll Never Walk Alone

It started off very hokey but she brought it home with great emotion and power. She brought herself to tears and had me a bit weepy. Best performance of the night.

The bottom three will be Kiki, Blake and Chris.

Who do you think will go home?

I Finally Did It!

I finally did it, my darlings. After all this time, I finally saw The Departed and I was flabbergasted. It was everything that you have all been saying. I was riveted after the opening sequence. From the editing to the music, it all fit together perfectly. I’ve seen tons of mafia movies and after a while they all blend together. Violence, greed, betrayal and more violence by (insert ethnic group here). I’ve seen them all the Chinese, Japanese, African American, Italian, Jewish and Irish organized crime groups. And many of these movies were by Martin Scorsese himself.

I’ve heard it said that he makes the same movie over and over ( I guess they’ve never seen Age of Innocence, The Last Temptation of Christ or Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore) but he broke the mold on this one. Even though it’s a remake of a Japanese film, it was translated beautifully for an American audience. The Departed tells the story of undercover cop Billy (Leonardo DiCaprio) as he starts his relentless pursuit of Boston kingpin Frank Costello (Jack Nicholson) who is aided by the sinister cop Colin (Matt Damon). The stellar cast is supported by Mark Wahlberg is a career defining performance. I thought Boogie Nights was his breakout role but I never saw this coming.

Wahlberg without a doubt steals every scene he’s in. He showed great comic timing and the perfect hothead to Martin Sheen’s sensible straight man. Nicholson as always brought the highest level of commitment to his character. Costello was a charismatic, eccentric and intriguing crime boss. The real star of the movie was Matt Damon. His sweet face belies the evil of his character. He stunned me in The Talented Mr. Ripley and left me once again without words. Not too many actors can convincingly plan heroes as well as villains. He greatly deserved an Academy nomination for this role. Wahlberg and Damon took advantage of their Boston roots to add authenticity to the production.

DiCaprio has given me another reason to rethink his box office mojo. He’s always been the pretty boy but his acting in The Aviator and now The Departed has caused me to pause. I suspect Blood Diamond will further cement his talent and appeal to me. I have to admit, little Leo was kinda hard and smokin’ as a street thug. Still a little too petite for my liking but he’s transcended his little boy looks and stretched his acting muscles. My only confusion came with the sole female character Madolyn (Vera Farmiga). She wasn’t as dimensional as her male counterparts. She was written like a plot device to humanize Billy and to some degree Colin.

Over all, the movie was a triumph. It works on all levels. Intelligent script. Diverse range of talented actors. Visually and musically captivating. I was tense and clutching my pearls through much of the movie, a testament to the engaging energy of the picture. I threw my hands up in victory during the last scene. Scorsese created another masterpiece. Add this to Goodfellas, Taxi Driver and Raging Bull.

I could kick myself for not watching this earlier.

What did you see this weekend?

What the %^&*?

OMG. Ever have one of those weeks where you are enraged by most of what you see and here. I’m having one of those weeks, children. I’m trying to get over it but I’m still salty. Here’s why:

Mean Daddy

I started off this morning by listening to the raging Alec Baldwin tape. You know the one where he cussing out is adolescent daughter in quite colorful language. I thought it was a joke. Listen here. Isn’t he divorced yet? His dramatic divorce and custody proceedings have been going on for years. It’s unfortunate that he and Kim Basinger couldn’t get their shit together for the sake of their daughter. Instead we are subjected to the public release of an obviously outraged man blasting his daughter.

I just feel bad that his bad behavior was made public for the obvious personal gain of Basinger. If he’s an ass, take it to the judge not the tabloids. Let the tape speak for itself in that arena. Making it public is an obvious attempt to discredit him and ruin his public image, which is funny because we don’t see him as the warm cozy man who reads to the blind. He seems like a volatile emotionally moody whiskey-soaked man with hints of extreme arrogance. His behavior is appalling and inappropriate but her motives are suspect.

Rehab IS the New Spa Getaway

Party girl Lindsey Lohan has once again proven that they are not fit role models for anyone. Lohan blabs to Allure magazine that while she enjoyed her stint in rehab, attended AA meetings for a year and was recommended by her therapist to seek help, she doesn’t consider herself and addict. Read here. She may not be an addict but she’s an utter idiot. Her detached attitude regarding rehab takes away from the release mission of intervention. What did she learn from this experience?

Izzie and George. Seriously?

You know how I feel about Grey’s Anatomy as a pioneering female-identified program but the latest developments have taken it into daytime soap territory. It’s hard for me to believe that Izzie thinks of George in any sexual way. There a big difference between a true platonic relationship and wanting to rub naked against that person despite how much alcohol flies down your throat. There isn’t that much drunk in the world. This plot line seems to be written as a road block instead of honest motivation from a character.

McDreamy can kiss my McAss. There is no way he should even contemplate ending it with Meredith to fulfill his ill-conceived notion of being Chief. I can take a little resentment but a break up is unforgivable. How many times are we supposed to go through this before we give up or stop caring? Also, you’re going to tell me that Cristina’s former lover is going to pop into her life after three years and assert that she’s lost herself. First, she wouldn’t care what he thinks and secondly, people change. It’s called growth. I can understand if it makes her re-evaluate herself. Didn’t she learn anything from Meredith’s mother?

Do you feel my disgruntled nature today? What do you think?

Another Sign I'm Getting Older

Picture this. It’s the mid-80s. A golden-skinned 13-year-old is lacing up her pure white skates with the matching emerald green pom poms and wheels. It’s her Saturday ritual – hanging out with her friends at the local roller skating rink. Clad in snug Jordache jeans, thin silver belt and red and white striped T-shirt, she takes tentative steps onto the skating rink floor as Hall & Oates bellow ‘Your Kiss is on My List.” Classic 80s childhood memory.

If you hadn’t guessed, that skating teen diva was me. I lived for the skating rink and H&O were one of my favorite groups. Based largely on Daryl Hall’s blue-eyed soul and their progressive music videos. So imagine my delight when I flicked on VH1 Classic and saw them in concert shelling their 2004 album Our Kind of Soul. D was in great voice though a bit bloated and J shed his monster 80s mustache. I bee bopped around my house doing laundry then it sank in. I’m getting older (and I’m okay with that). Notice I didn’t say old. I was filled with nostalgia and amazing memories of my days at the rink. Yummy pizza and suicide pop (a sugary mix of every soda in the fountain and yes, up north soda is called pop).

Indulge me today as I look back to the days when I was young, wild and free. I fit in a size 7 jeans and loved my MTV (some things never change). Here are the Diva’s picks for killer roller skating anthems:

Open Arms-Journey

This was also a favorite at school dances and house parties. Sentimental and sappy. It was the perfect couples skate. Separate Ways was a close second.

Nasty Girl-Vanity 6

In light of Imus’ recent comment, it never occurred to me to be offended by the song. That was the staple all-girl skate that made teenage boys quite happy. I think I paid more attention to the gritty funkiness of the song rather than the lyrical content.

Anything by Hall & Oates

Private Eyes and Maneater were my favorites but they had the perfect medium tempo music for skating. Plus the music was decidedly 80 with heavy sythnsized drums and keyboards.

Anything by Huey Lewis and the News

Are you kidding? This and was a staple at the rink. I Need A New Drug, Power of Love, Hip to Be Square and Stuck With You are all fantastic tunes.

Ahh, I can feel the sweet wind blowing through my sideways ponytail.

Were you a roller skating devotee? What are your favorite songs?

Idol Goes Country

Yee haw yawl! I’m just feeling a little country fried after watching the American Idol wannabes attack country music last night. I had a revelation. Country night on AI doesn’t have to be appallingly bad. I was entertained. The budding Idols must have made peace with the stylists and hairdressers. They looked incredible. Once again, the celebrity mentor lectured the virtues of connecting to the audience and telling a story through song.

Martina McBride had the honor of coaching the potential Idols on this challenging week. I’ve noticed that this year’s celebrity coaches seem to be fans of the show. While extremely polite and encouraging, they have a lot of knowledge of the contestants and past shows.

Here’s a recap:

Phil-Where the Black Top Ends

Who would have known that inside that grisly exterior laid a personality? Not the most captivating personality but a personality none the less. This was the best he has sounded but that number one position and past performances make him vulnerable.

Jordin-A Broken Wing

Teeny bopper Jordin pulled out another fantastic performance. Despite a few ill-timed smiles, she performed with great emotion and energy. She’s definitely in the running for the title.

Sanjaya-Something to Talk About

This is a great AI song that up until last night, I thought was impossible to destroy. That was until pretty boy Sanjaya donned a bandana and made uncomfortable banter with a clearly amused background singer. He looked like he was playing Bernardo in a grade school production of West Side Story. Horrific!

LaKisha-Jesus Take the Wheel

Kiki’s performance spiraled out of control as she over sang the song. The lyrics were enough but her inner gospel diva took control and drowned out the emotion and sentiment of the song.

Chris-Mayberry

The title says it all. It’s hard for me to imagine that this is the best Rascal Flatts song he could find. Not good at all and sounded even worse during the recap at the end. Time to say adios.

Melinda-Trouble is a Woman

Don’t know where the hell she pulled this song but she vamped it up the way she should have last week. She would have been great on anything but sparkled on this old time honky tonk song. Her hair and outfit were beautiful. Like Jordin, what she wears is almost as important as what she sings.

Blake-When the Stars Go Blue

Sounded like a beautiful song but it had me wondering how the original sounded. I don’t get Blake’s appeal. He’s not hot, cute or even adorable to me and his singing is less than spectacular.

The bottom three should be Phil, Chris and golden boy Sanjaya.

What did you think?

Leg Watch: Week 5

I was going through my regular reading this morning when I came across two interesting articles in USA Today. The first was close to my heart because it talked about Dancing with the Stars maven Heather Mills or as I like to call her the dancing troll. (Side Note: Her leg didn’t pop off but she did fall over. Am I horrible to root for her leg to come off?) Forgive me. While I applaud her courageous task, I can’t get over her goulish looks and garish clothes.

The article brings up a valid point about using DWTS as a public relations/marketing tool. Read here. It might work for Ian Ziering but there is too much water under the bridge to save Mills’ tattered image in her native England. She means nothing to me and I’d like to think I’m indifferent but I do cast a suspicious eye on her relationship and divorce from Paul McCartney. Even my 70-year-old mother had harsh words for her and she probably didn’t know who she was before DWTS started.

This just illustrates the importance of great personal public relations and image building. She was never able to establish herself as genuinely in love with the Beatle before she was thrust in the hot spotlight and branded a gold digger.

The second article was about my other guilty pleasure – American Idol. Read here. It brings up the valid point that it is easier for Idol alumni to succeed in country music. Every season, except the current, has a resident country gal/guy - a Martina McBride/ Faith Hill warbler. Last year we were graced with two. Lucky us.

I’ve always thought this was a great disservice because no one can sing a Martina song better than she can and AI is supposed to be a pop music competition. Simon Cowell was famous for stressing that AI was looking for a pop idol. Remember poor Josh Gracin and the lashings he received for his country leanings. That went out the window the minute he saw Carrie Underwood and the cash register started to ka-ching in his ears.

I know what you’re thinking. What about the rockers and R & B talents? Very true that they aren’t considered pop but they still get plenty of play on pop radio. Pop radio pulls from hip-hop, rock, alternative and R & B not country. Country music crosses over to adult radio but not Top 40. The only crooner with a twang to do that recently was Shania Twain. Even Martina, Faith and Carrie are relegated to country radio or easy listening stations.

It’s easy to explain why country Idols do so well - the fan base. Country music has the most devoted fans next to soap opera fanatics and trekkies. Country doesn’t have to compete with other genres or jockey for position in the record stores. Did I just date myself? There’s no such thing as records anymore unless you’re spinning at a club but CD store sounds just as bizarre. Okay, music store. Either way, thanks to the AI publicity machine country contestant do well.

What are your thoughts?

Fugidabboubit!

The blood has finally been shed and by blood shed I’m referring to The Sopranos. You’ve read my declaration for all things mafia. Well, TV shows and movies are no different. I’m a relative newbie in the world of TS. I just started watching it about four years ago but was instantly enthralled.

Like most classic TV shows, TS lures you into the hypnotic, flashy, energetic world of modern day mob families. It harkens to the Godfather flicks with a hint of Archie Bunker. The show is well written and humorous with well-defined characters that go beyond stereotypes. It follows the conflict between occupational obligations and moral dilemmas. It also broadens the circle to include therapists, girlfriends, mistresses and innocent laborers drawn into the organized crimes of TS.

The talk among TS devotees is how it will end. Will Tony live or will he die? Who will take over? Of course, this sets my mind in motion and I have a clear vision of how the award-winning show should go out- in a blaze of glory ala The Godfather.

Here’s the show-ending episodes as seen by the Diva:

Tony Soprano (James Gandolfini)

After many health woes and anxiety attacks, Tony will die of natural causes most likely while having sex with his wife or some random stripper/Jersey Girl.

Carmela Soprano (Edie Falco)

She will be heart broken but ultimately released from her services as a mob wife. She will find her soul mate Furio Giunta and split her time between Italy and New Jersey. She’ll also act as consultant to the new boss.

Christopher Moltisanti (Michael Imperioli)

Paranoia concerning Tony and heartbreak over having Adriana killed will drive him to drugs once again. However, several lapses of judgement and disrespect will cause Tony to whack him personally.

Meadow Soprano (Jamie-Lynn Sigler)

Despite a power struggle with her bitter Aunt Janice, innocent Meadow will summon her book smarts and indirect knowledge of the family to take over for Tony. She will show a natural aptitude for organized crime. Mother Carmela will help fill in the blanks since she’s spent decades watching the business.

A.J. Soprano (Robert Iler)

A.J. will continue to be a bumbling idiot unable to get his life on track regardless of many golden opportunities. He will become the Fredo of the Soprano family.

How do you see it ending?

Random Thoughts

It has been an interesting week in the news and pop culture. I thought today would be the perfect time to explore the random thoughts rattling around in my perverse head.

Nappy Headed Hos

I know. I wasn’t going to talk about this because it doesn’t deserve more press but after hearing so much on the media regarding Imus’s unfortunate use of words to describe a group of elite female athletes, I felt compelled to speak. I don’t understand why this has been turned into a racial issue. Every woman should be outraged that he called a group of top athletes from a top university a bunch of whores. His adding nappy was obviously geared at the black team members but just added a racist flavor to his sexist soup.

IT’S NOT OKAY TO CALL WOMEN HOS OR BITCHES. I’ve been known to color my writing and language with the occasional bitch reference and it’s usually in a derogatory manner. So there is no way Imus didn’t mean to demean those ladies. He never would have called a group of Harvard law students a bunch of blond sluts without some backlash. It’s become imbedded in our pop culture.

I hold the rappers and other musicians responsible for the acceptance of this word. Yes, everyone has freedom of speech but with that freedom comes responsibility for what comes out of your mouth and how it makes someone feel. It’s unacceptable for rappers to call all women hos and bitches. I agree there is a certain type of woman that lives up to this name but I’m not her. I’ve heard a lot of male deejays saying that this had been blown out of proportion but they would be pissed off if someone called their mother, wife or daughter a nappy headed ho. It’s just not cool.

With this being such a common phrase, I find myself not always reacting to the term. First, because I’m not a ho and secondly because I’ve gotten used to it. This is a problem as well. Women need to step up and say something. I know I’m going to be more conscious of the usage. It’s different to be joking with friends and another to verbally assault a group of complete strangers.

A New Definition of Beauty

I was elated to see that Drew Barrymore would be the new Cover Girl. Queen Latifah sent me over the edge and Drew sent me over the moon. Finally! Cover Girls that I can relate to. Different sizes and shapes. Drew isn’t a classic beauty, which makes this even more special. I love that the definition of beauty is expanding and becoming more inclusive. I’ve always thought that that there is someone out there for everyone. Someone is going to love your plentiful stretch marks, enormous size 10 feet, fluffy love handles or Chubacca-like hairy arms.

Who’s Your Baby Daddy?

No big surprise here. Larry Birkhead is the father of little Dannielynn making Howard K. Stern look a bit delusional and pathetic. I do feel some sympathy for him. However, this was something that couldn’t be faked. Science will get you every time. It will be interesting what the next step will be in the Anna Nicole saga. Stay tuned.

What are you thinking about today?

The Bee in My Bonnet

Like I need another one. I feel like such an Ohio school marm but their is troubling trend in reality shows where contestants are up for life altering career changes and their children are at home. In other words, there's an 18-year-old with a 0ne-year-old baby vying to become the Next Doll. There are three budding models on America's Next Top Model who have toddlers at home. Being away from their babies often sends them to the brink. I understand the need to make a better life for yourself and your family but it's only worth it if you win. I'm just not sure it's a good idea to accept contestants who have children under five-years-old. Call me old fashioned.

Also, there are two 18-year-olds in the Pussycat Doll race. That seems so young to be part of the competition let alone out on the road. One girl is starting to wonder what her parents and others will think about her. Call me traditional but their time would probably be spent better in college. I think it's different if you're a member of a band or singer/songwriter. But a member of a racy burlesque group disguised as a pop group? I don't know.

I just think some of these reality shows need to look at their guidelines since entering into one can change your life and not always for the better.

I kept it short and sweet today. What do you think?

Sanjaya Sucked Last Night-NOT!

Last night’s American Idol was a painful reminder that it ain’t easy singing Latin-flavored songs. You may remember the Gloria Estefan debacle a few years ago where we had to suffer through karaoke versions of Conga. Not much changed last night. Unlike Motown or Broadway themes, Latin night proves to be a tougher challenge. No one was able to release their inner Charo or Ricky Martin, which was disappointing but predictable. The surprises of the night were Sanjaya’s passable vocals on the Spanish gem Besame Mucho.

Jennifer Lopez proved to be a surprisingly insightful coach. Her advice to tap into the lyrics and connect with the audience was valid and repetitive. Every week a celebrity mentor tells the thick-headed warblers the same thing. Only Melinda, LaKisha and Jordin seem to get the message. It was amusing to see JLo try to channel the wannabes spicy side. Face it, no one can shake a bon bon like Jenny from the Block. I’ll give her credit for trying to advise the contestants about stage presence. What she lacks in voice talent, she more than makes up for in personality and showmanship.

Here’s the Diva’s take on the night:

Melinda-Sway

As usual, this was a stellar performance. She just needed to vamp it up more. In order for it to transcend the cabaret label, it needed to be more playful and sexy. Melinda needs to depart from her safety zone and show us some edge. More weeks of this will lead to boredom and bordeom leads to an exit.

LaKisha-Conga

I’m convinced there is no way to sing this song without sounding like a singer on a cruise ship. Despite JLo’s best efforts to teach Kiki some moves, it proved to difficult. She lost some of her energy trying to move around. They need to have Paula come in to show the kids how to move.

Chris-Smooth

One thing this boy isn’t is smooth. He disregarded JLo’s advice and started the song too low. It was tense and without expression. A lot of energy was spent trying to fit the words and his runs together.

Haley-Turn the Beat Around

The return of the hot pants and see through shirt may garner her more votes but the vocals were tragic. The constant movement and traveling through the audience took its toll of her voice. The song was manic and without soul.

Phil-Maria Maria

Thank God he covered his head unfortunately the full outfit made him look like one of Fat Albert’s gang. His energy and personality are too low key. It drives you boredom. His style lends itself to more quiet singer/songwriter. Unfortunately, his low energy sucks the energy out of the room. He never fully engages the audience, which makes him dispensable.

Jordin- Rhythmn is Gonna Get You

This girl is the energizer bunny. Sanjaya can learn from her. She commits 100% to every theme. Even when it doesn’t work, you still applaud the effort. The song was muddled but she worked it out the best she could.

Blake-I Need To Know

You know I love me some Marc Anthony so I don’t like people messing over his songs. This was a much better vocal from him and devoid of beat boxing but it lacked the sexy vibe that launched the song. It was slightly asexual. He works on a comical level but doesn’t exude passion.

Sanjaya-Besame Mucho

Well, donkeys must have flown because he sang like he deserved to be there. He must have tired of being the punchline of America’s jokes. I have to admit I’m driven to distraction by his gaunt figure, baffling hairstyles and now the indescribable tuff of hair pinned to his chin. J thought it might have been penciled in. I give him credit for singing in another language.

The bottom two will be Phil and Haley.

What do you think?

The Planets Have Aligned

I saw it. Finally!! I sat down with J and we finally watched Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhistan. It was hilarious. Not as side splitting as I expected it to be but definietly original and fresh. I went into it knowing that the hype surrounding the film may sway my opinion. It’s always hard to watch a movie that everyone raves about because you are expecting this monumental film. It’s hard to live up to that, which is another reason why I like to watch movies at the theater. I get to watch them with no expectations.

The film follows the cross-country journey of Borat Sagdiyev (Sacha Baron Cohen) from his native Kazakhistan to study American culture with his burly friend Azamet (Ken Davitan). Mayhem ensues when Borat watches an episode of Baywatch. The scenes in his local village are too funny for words. The cast of characters are rich with details.

Cohen is a comedic genius. Simply brilliant. Not only is his wicked twisted mind capable of creating such a weird character; he also has the wit and articulation to put it on paper. Borat works on one level as a frat movie. Some of the jokes are obvious and just plain funny to view. However, his commentary also works on a more observatory/social level. Davitan is incredible as his hairy sidekick. I must say the scene of their naked tussle looked like two bears wrestling in the woods. The length of the scene was unnecessary yet it was one of the funnier spots in the movie.

Cohen knows that it’s funny to joke with the homies on Martin Luther King Blvd. but not to say the N-word. But it is comical to walk into a posh hotel emulating the hip hop culture and calling himself the N-word. It’s acceptable to wreck the man’s antiques because the collection was Confederate memorabilia. Therefore, you don’t feel so bad for him. Walking that fine line between totally inappropriate and social humor is tough. The jokes become malicious and too close to home or too cerebral and over everyone’s head.

A lot was made of the lawsuits against Cohen. J and I literally kept count of the people that were likely to sue over their appearance. But can you really sue someone because you’re an asshole and it was captured on film. It should have served as a wake up call. Cohen is also a genius of marrying scripted bits with impromptu gems.

Overall I wasn’t disappointed. I enjoyed the revelry and twisted wit of Cohen.

What did you see this weekend?

Climb Every Mountain

With Easter coming this Sunday, I’ve become a bit nostalgic. Easter conjures up clear visions and smells with a healthy dose of pop culture. America is such a marketing savvy nation that most Baby Boomers and beyond have specific pop culture ties to holidays and therefore their memories. What would Christmas be without the Grinch and Charlie Brown’s Christmas tree? You can’t celebrate the 4th of July without fireworks, picnic or a parade.

With that said, allow me to indulge myself with an ode to Easter.

How do you solve a problem like Maria?

I will be honest. I didn’t see the Sound of Music in its entirety until my senior year in high school. I knew the music and that it was played on TV every Easter. It wasn’t until I landed the role of Mother Abbess in my high school’s production that a light went on. That’s right I pioneered non-traditional casting in my small Ohio town. Fox Family is running the musical today, tomorrow and Sunday.

It’s Okay to Come Out

This will prove my traditional upbringing. Easter Sunday is the first day to wear white, as in pants and shoes. Even though I live in Miami. I bring out my whites on Easter and retire them on Labor Day. My mom would be so proud.

Eggs, Eggs and more Eggs

This was huge in my house growing up. We would color about three dozen eggs. It was like performing a mini science experience when you mixed the tiny color tab, vinegar and hot water. A miracle. My sister and I played Picasso while making a mess all over our mother’s kitchen table. We didn’t eat the eggs but loved to decorate them. Good times. Good times.

The Pig

My family is not that big on pig besides bacon and sausage and the occasional pork chop but we had to have ham for Easter. Forget the pretty Honey-baked ham. My mom does the old school ham with pineapples, cherries and cloves on the sides. Delicious.

A Dentist’s Nightmare

Between those scary cheap chocolate bunnies with the bulging candy eyes and the sugary marshmallow confection known as Peeps, I was on a 48 hour sugar high. It’s amazing I remember anything about Easter. My taste has refined a bit. Now I can’t live without the bunny shaped sweet tarts and pastel M & Ms.

What are your Easter traditions?

Why?

Call me naïve or dense but sometimes I honestly feel like a 5-year-old. I’m constantly asking myself why. On this good Thursday as my mind is firmly planted on the weekend and my bed, I thought maybe you the all wise reader might have some answers for me.

Why is there another season of The Simple Life?

It’s not that I think I’m too good for the show. Honey, I watch I Love New York, The Search For the Next Doll, American Idol and a variety of other pleasing guilty pleasure television but the Simple Life is downright obnoxious and mean-spirited. Paris and Nicole are often vapid, clueless and malicious in their interactions with other people. They say they are playing a character but it is a reality show and I think they are just showing us their ugly dark side and what passes as humor in their inner circle.

Why is Britney Spears wearing a bad Frederick’s of Hollywood wig?

Poor Brit can’t seem to hold her head high and sport her bald head. How bold and provocative would it be for her go out bald? And that’s fine but why the cheap synthetic wig with bad hat combo. She has enough money to get a small Swedish fishing village to shave their heads and personally weave a wig for her. I don’t understand who is advising her.

Why is Amy Winehouse glorified as the new Sid Vicious?

We all know how that turned out. Here’s a brilliant young singer with great promise poised to bring classic blue-eyed soul and R & B back to pop radio. She’s also a raging alcoholic or at least that’s what her handlers want you to believe. Though, that seems to be on target. Are her handlers prepared to reign in the behavior or are we going to watch this talent implode? She reminds me a lot of Pete Doherty. It’s not the 80s. Cokeheads and drunks are only amusing for one album.

What questions are you pondering?

I Left My Heart in San Francisco

Last night the planets aligned on American Idol. All of the budding Idols didn’t suck on standard night. Even Sanjaya flattened down his mop and tried to honestly sing. It still came off as a bad high school production of Guys and Dolls but at least he made some effort. Tony Bennett was the mentor/coach and was extremely kind to the wannabes.

At this point in the competition, two things are starting to piss me off. First, the contestants don’t seem capable of listening to the celebrity coach. Despite stellar advice from the old timers (Lulu, Bennett, Diana Ross) and the current rage (Gwen Stefani), the Idols refuse to stop adding needless riffs and melodies and interpret the proper meaning to a song. That’s the problem with having such young and inexperienced people in the competition. It would be something if they were adding a new element that worked but several have tried and failed.

My other issue is with the styling. Now is not the time to fall apart in the fashion/hair category. There seems to be malicious intent from stylists or maybe Paula is adding her special touch to the finalists. Jordin has looked 10 pounds heavier two weeks in a row due to bulky unflattering outfits. Haley’s hairpieces must be from the Dolly Parton collection. They are puffy and pageant quality. Richard and Blake are stuck in the man/boy stage where wearing suits and sneakers are adorable as well as caps tilted to the side.

Here’s the low down on last night’s performances:

Blake-Mack the Knife

Finally another performance without beat boxing. He wasn’t that bad. His vocals were a bit thin but he delivered.

Phil-Night and Day

This is the best he has sounded in some time. The only problem is his inability to connect with the audience. Technically it was great but it didn’t seem romantic. The glare off his head was also distracting.

Melinda-I’ve Got Rhythm

She needed this up-tempo tune. She was everything she needed to be and more. However, her next selection must be fast and show more range musically. She’s already proven that she can tackle any genre with her seasoned voice but needs to show more youth. Rock out.

Chris-Don’t Get Around Much Anymore

Didn’t appreciate the Michael Jackson moves. He wasn’t able to put his R&B flavor in this song but made a valiant effort. The judges raved but it seemed weak to me.

Jordin-On a Clear Day

I wasn’t crazy about this song. For some reason it seemed a bit too obscure and unfamiliar. I didn’t think she sold the story of the song. Technically it worked but there was no connection or traces of her usual bubbly personality.

Gina-Smile

The rocker had trouble with this gentle tender song. It was boring. Usually the lyrics of such a simple song carries it through but she didn’t radiant enough energy to make it soar. Consistency is going to cause her exit.

Sanjaya-Cheek to Cheek

He sang.

Haley-Ain’t Misbehavin’

This song was out of her league. She didn’t have enough sass to pull it off. Instead she looked like a Miss America talent reject. Her little kicks and coos were comical.

Lakisha- Stormy Weather

Kiki and the girls had a great time. Her vocals were flawless. However, she totally wiped her ass with Bennett’s recommendation that she skip the last ad lib and end on the big note. She should have listened.

The bottom three will be Phil, Chris and Haley.

What do you think?

The Law of Attraction

Have you ever caught yourself inexplicably attracted to a person, show or topic? I catch myself doing this all the time. I’m constantly fascinated with things that shock and amaze me. I like to think I’m a discerning educated and worldly women with great taste but I also reason that I’m a Gemini, woman and fancy myself complex. People know I’m a lady entranced by cults, crystal meth, eating disorders and the mafia. With that said I just had to articulate my deep fascination with the following things.

I Love New York

I’m not so much proud to say I watch this program on lazy days as much as I’m astonished by my level of interest. New York and her tranny mother are crazy ass bitches who put black folks back about 20 years. It’s a modern day minstrel show. The men are emotional and conniving. What type of man signs up for a show with a woman like this? But then again what type of person watches this show? Guilty.

The Hills

I watch this show and I’m in high school again pissed off at my best friend who keeps going back to her jerk boyfriend. I literally yell at Heidi through the screen. Don’t’ move in with that pancake head freak!! But she doesn’t hear me. I identify with these young girls trying to discover themselves.

Country Music Television

I’m not much on country music. My dad is an old school devotee. I grew up watching way too much Hee Haw for my liking. Besides the Dixie Chicks and old school tunes, I wouldn’t buy any country but I adore this channel. They have a program called Crossroads that pairs country crooners with rock artists. Brilliant. Heart with Wynona. James Taylor with the Dixie Chicks. I also get a kick out of country lyrics and videos. Country Badonkadonk. Hilarious.

Snoop Dog

His marijuana-infused persona is hypnotic to me. Not in a sexy way but in a way that I’m sure I could be good friends with him. He’s down with everyone. From the beaches of Brazil with Pharrel to the ghettos of Puerto Rico with Daddy Yankee.

The Girls Next Door

Love. Love. Love. These women. Okay, I really adore Hugh Hefner and his pioneering mind. The girls are just part of the package. I love being a voyeur in the Playboy Mansion. I will visit one day.

Scientology

Is it a religion? Self help? I know it’s a marketing bonanza. Their own language of scientific terms. I love that a premium is set on celebrities. What basis is that for success of a religion? Why do you have to pay to advance?

What fascinates you?

There she is ...

Miss America. I was saddened to read that the Miss America pageant has been dropped by CMT leaving it without a home. Read here. It seems that our pop culture has made an interesting turn where young ladies instead of wanting to be the big-haired smiling 1950s personification of wholesome beauty (Miss America) would rather be the vampy high-paying but minimally talented new millennium’s personification of beauty (The Search for the Next Doll).

It’s the battle as old as time beauty queens vs. pop tarts. I remember as a young girl watching beauty pageants with my mother. We marveled in evening gowns, bathing suits, lacquered hair and baton twirling. We looked forward to the festivities. It bonded us. Tradition. Don’t get me wrong. I never wanted to be Miss America but I sure loved the ceremony. It was probably the closest a girl could get to being a princess without marrying some homely European royal. Every little girl’s dream. The pomp and circumstance. I reveled in the hokey middle America charm. Tradition.

Even back then there was controversy around the usefulness of the bathing suit competition. The judging of beauty. I’m sure that seems silly today when you compare it to such competitions as the Search for the Next Doll. Where are the activist protesting the new genre of beauty competitions and reality shows? It’s hard for me to imagine a mother and daughter bonding over these programs. Little girls want to be Paris Hilton not Miss America. Even the Miss USA/Miss Universe has tarted up their imagine. I mean, a former Miss USA went to rehab and was able to retain her crown and title.

I just felt a little melancholy and nostalgic when I read this article. Our society has changed so much and little girls everywhere are getting the shaft. I feel loss. Tradition.

What are your thoughts?