Leg Watch: Week 5

I was going through my regular reading this morning when I came across two interesting articles in USA Today. The first was close to my heart because it talked about Dancing with the Stars maven Heather Mills or as I like to call her the dancing troll. (Side Note: Her leg didn’t pop off but she did fall over. Am I horrible to root for her leg to come off?) Forgive me. While I applaud her courageous task, I can’t get over her goulish looks and garish clothes.

The article brings up a valid point about using DWTS as a public relations/marketing tool. Read here. It might work for Ian Ziering but there is too much water under the bridge to save Mills’ tattered image in her native England. She means nothing to me and I’d like to think I’m indifferent but I do cast a suspicious eye on her relationship and divorce from Paul McCartney. Even my 70-year-old mother had harsh words for her and she probably didn’t know who she was before DWTS started.

This just illustrates the importance of great personal public relations and image building. She was never able to establish herself as genuinely in love with the Beatle before she was thrust in the hot spotlight and branded a gold digger.

The second article was about my other guilty pleasure – American Idol. Read here. It brings up the valid point that it is easier for Idol alumni to succeed in country music. Every season, except the current, has a resident country gal/guy - a Martina McBride/ Faith Hill warbler. Last year we were graced with two. Lucky us.

I’ve always thought this was a great disservice because no one can sing a Martina song better than she can and AI is supposed to be a pop music competition. Simon Cowell was famous for stressing that AI was looking for a pop idol. Remember poor Josh Gracin and the lashings he received for his country leanings. That went out the window the minute he saw Carrie Underwood and the cash register started to ka-ching in his ears.

I know what you’re thinking. What about the rockers and R & B talents? Very true that they aren’t considered pop but they still get plenty of play on pop radio. Pop radio pulls from hip-hop, rock, alternative and R & B not country. Country music crosses over to adult radio but not Top 40. The only crooner with a twang to do that recently was Shania Twain. Even Martina, Faith and Carrie are relegated to country radio or easy listening stations.

It’s easy to explain why country Idols do so well - the fan base. Country music has the most devoted fans next to soap opera fanatics and trekkies. Country doesn’t have to compete with other genres or jockey for position in the record stores. Did I just date myself? There’s no such thing as records anymore unless you’re spinning at a club but CD store sounds just as bizarre. Okay, music store. Either way, thanks to the AI publicity machine country contestant do well.

What are your thoughts?

The Matter of the Pesky Leg

Ah! Will the leg fly off? That was the big question last night on the season opener of Dancing with the Stars. First the use of “stars” is suspect considering no one knows Heather Mills outside of the UK besides Beatles groupies and tabloid junkies like myself but that didn’t stop us from camping out in front of the TV on leg watch Week 1. The producers were brilliant to keep her next to last because I wasn’t movin’ until she danced.

DWTS is that surprise hit. Who knew ballroom dancing with a bunch of Z-list actors, singers, assorted pop culture misfits and retired athletes would be a ratings goldmine? I adore watching people learn a new art form especially celebrities. It takes a lot of guts to put yourself in ruffled shirts, spandex pants and dresses with slits up to your tonsils.

Here’s a rundown on the stars and their happy feet:

The Front Runners

Every season has its share of likable dancers. Laila Ali seems to truly float like a butterfly and keep her arrogant partner in check. She’s gorgeous, sexy and a real sized woman. Joey Fatone has the most personality and you know that will get you votes. All the years as a boybander has left him with great rhythm and amazing showmanship. The soul patch and bandana of Apolo Anton Ohno survived another Olympic season. Pairing him with an 18-year-old Christina Aguilera look-a-like could be challenging- for them to keep their hands off each other. Plus he’s still training for upcoming speed skating competitions.

The Leg

I’m not trying to be mean but Heather Mills looked like a creature out of the Harry Potter book and her outfit was hideous in color and design. And they need to stop calling her a charity campaigner. What the hell is that? Call her an activist or fundraiser. With that said, I give her immense respect for attempting this especially with her in the middle of an ugly divorce. Oh, and having the fake leg.

The Aged

Entertainment reporter Leeza Gibbons is charming in her bubbly beauty pageant ways. She can smile through anything but I thought she was going to well up when they blasted her dance steps. Actor John Ratzenberger filled in at the last minute and pulled off a pretty good cha cha for only having two weeks training. He looked like a dancing panda at a wedding.

The Challenged

Former Miss USA Shandi Finnessey is cute but hardly striking or even mildly interesting and she’s saddled with the youngest male dancer who seems to be hopped up on pixie sticks and Mountain Dew. Country crooner Billy Ray Cyrus nearly scalped his partner while stripping her of her wig. The good news is he looks great devoid of his mullet and is acting and recording music. The bad news is we have to watch him drag his heavy legs across the dance floor. It’s painful but he has an affable sense of humor.

The Others

Supermodel and rocker wife Paulina Porizkova looks stunning. She has absolutely no accent now and is trying like hell to distinguish herself in this competition. Ian Ziering still has too much 90210 Steve in him to be compelling for me. He gave a valiant first time effort and I imagine he will get better with time but will his cocky TV character come back to haunt him.

The Smiling Underdog

Clyde “The Glide “Drexler is this year’s underdog. He will be the one to root for and athletes always do well on this show. He has a sweet nature and takes his training seriously but his gangly frame may be too much to compensate.

Who are you rooting for?