The Planets are in Alignment

Talent reigns victorious. The big humongous American Idol final show was gaudy, commercial, long and jam-packed with artists stumping for their records. In other words, it was a glorious display of marketing, glamour and ego. I adored it! I wasn’t going to watch but decided that that one beat boxing moon walking troll wasn’t going to stop my inalieanable right to spend two hours watching crappy Up With People-styled production numbers.

AI producers spared us multiple attempts at the shiteous ballad ‘This is My Now’. We only had to suffer through it once at the emotional climax. We learned many things. Like the grasshopper has not surpassed the Master. Doug E. Fresh is still the beatboxing champion despite Blake’s white bread attempt at knocking off his crown. Jordin is not a small girl. Savor her curves now because in a few months she will be 30 pounds lighter and her hair will be miraculousy straighter. AI will make fun of the mentally challenged. The Best Buddy winners of the Golden Idol were heartbreaking.

Here’s the Diva’s take on the show:

Best Sammy Davis Jr. Moment

Blake was touted as the great performer but before him was Sammy Davis Jr. and Taylor Hicks. I forgot what a showman the dancing panda can be. He may have slimmed down, cultivated a sense of style and trimmed is silver hair but his charm and voice are untouched. I think he deserves that chance at stardom and hope he finds the right music to make that happen.

The Tammy Faye Award

Goes to Paula Abdul who predictably fell to pieces when the winner was announced. You can best believe that she would have had the exact same reaction had Blake won. She was a blubbering mess, just like we like her.

John Lennon Rolls Over in his Grave

The moment Kelly Clarkson started bouncing around barefoot in her Janis Joplin gear screeching Sgt. Pepper. It was awkward and clunky and I felt bad for Beatles fans worldwide. Yoko Ono is probably talking to lawyers right now.

Best F U

Went to Chris Daughtry who had performed the previous night but got a shout out from producing legend with the golden ear Clive Davis. I was expecting Clive to pronounce Daughtry bigger than Jesus at any moment. He may not have won but whose laughing now.

Best Performance of the Night

Carrie Underwood shed her bumpkin tunes for one night and performed a lovely rendition of The Pretender’s ‘I’ll Stand By You.’ Brilliant. She may have been dull as dishwater during her stint on AI but one thing was constant – her pure voice.

Best Showbiz Glitz

Melinda Doolittle was a hit with her former bosses Bebe and Cece Wiand. It was like watching the Bobby Jones Gospel Show on BET only with a white puzzled audience who didn’t know what to do with the lyrics or the performers. Splendid.

The ‘Let it Go Already’ Trophy

We’ve had enough fun exploiting Sanjaya. It’s time to put the toy back in the box. The intro was clever but his manic performance was just as startling as the first time especially with Joe Perry accompanying him. Perry was either high on mushrooms or coerced into doing the show by his teenage children. You pick.

What was your favorite part of the night?

Let the Shit Storm Begin

Call me the bitchy blogger today but what the hell happened on American Idol last night. It’s finally jumped the shark. This is the first time that someone has made it into the finals that doesn’t deserve to be there. Talented people have bit the dust too soon but the final always contained equal competitors. I’m a Melinda fan but even if I wasn’t, I’d agree that she deserves a spot in the finals for her consistency and never being in the bottom two.

It’s appalling to think that Blake Forrest Gumped his way into the finals. His status as the most talented male has served him well. Had the male field been stronger, he wouldn’t be there. He’s a great entertainer but not a vocalist. It’s a slap in the face for singers everywhere for his appearance in the finals.

Of course, it’s a hit for the show as well. If he wins, it sends the message that flashy packaging wins over substance. I have no doubt that Blake can mature and grow his skills but right now Melinda and Jordin are prepped for success. I always thought Jordin will reign victorious because she is more marketable but I thought Melinda would be nipping at her heels.

The up side of last night’s travesty is that Melinda isn’t bound by the ridiculous AI contract that makes you record that crappy inspiration song. She will get picked up by a record label that will allow her to do her thing. Look at Chris Daughtry and Jennifer Hudson. I just get pissy because it sends a message to kids that you don’t have to have strong vocals in a singing competition. All you need is a gimmick. Hence, all the Britney Spears and Paris Hilton worship amongst young adults.

With that said, am I the only one outraged by last night’s results show?

Last Divas Standing

I have to say there was a new excitement in watching American Idol last night and it wasn’t Blake’s predictable beat boxing/moon walking antics. It was the realization that after next week, I get my life back. Shows are on break for the summer and I get to have a life. My husband gets his wife back. The universe is once again balanced.

Last night’s AI illustrated some strong truths. Melinda is a consistent and versatile powerhouse performer. Jordin’s innocence and great personality can transcend any shitty song and Blake is in the wrong competition. While he is a performer, the ladies are vocalists and outmatch him at every turn. J put it nicely by saying, Blake’s a performer but not even that great of a performer.

Here’s the run down on last night’s craptacular show:

Jordin

Simon picked Wishng on a Star, which is a lovely song. My favorite rendition is by one of those 80s girls dance groups. Was it the Cover Girls or Seducation? You get where I’m coming from. It started off thin but she delivered in the end. The producer’s choice (What happened to Clive Davis this year?) of She Works Hard for the Money was fun in a disco meets the Love Boat kind of way. She is right for this kind of up tempo oldies song. She brought the heat in her final repeat of I Who Have Nothing. Loved it the first time. Adored it the second time.

Blake

Paula picked The Police anthem Roxanne and it almost worked but didn’t have enough energy to lift off but at least it forced him to sing like an adult. The producers hit the jackpot with Maroon 5’s This Love. This is his type of music though his voice is no match for man whore Adam Levine’s. He ended the show with a clever cover of Robin Thicke’s When I Get You Alone. I love this type of singing over a hip hop track however, Blake doesn’t possess enough soul to pull it off. It was a proficient showing that showcased him with the right songs but not enough for him to advance.

Melinda

Randy chose Whitney Houston’s I Believe in You and Me, the ultimate wedding song, for Melinda. And I’m pretty sure that she thanked Randy Johnson at the end of the clip. Perhaps that’s Randy’s evil twin. The producers picked Nutbush City Limits, which allowed her to perfect her swagger and growl. It was extremely brash and bold for the nice girl. She ended the night with Woman and the sass was back. She earned a spot in the finals.

Jordin and Melinda will be the last divas standing.

Who do you think will make it to next week’s finals?

How Deep is Your Love

Last night I was in 70s mellow Bee Gees heaven. The American Idol wannabes had the unfortunate task pf selecting from a list of over 600 songs penned by that cuddly/hairy Bee Gee Barry. These songs are so well known it’s hard not to sound like karaoke. During his mentoring sessions, I couldn’t help but imagine Jimmy Fallon and Justin Timberlake as the brothers on SNL.

The budding singer’s song choices were baffling. Jordin sang two dreary overblown ballads and Blake used beat boxing to nauseating heights on two dance tracks. Where was the diversity? Not to mention the evil stylists were at it again. Jordin looked like she packed on 20 pounds on her behind. Her clothes are hugging her glorious curves at all the wrong angles. Melinda’s jeans were so damn tight I wouldn’t be surprised if she got a yeast infection and they were hanging low in the crotch despite hanging on for dear life to her thighs.

I thought I’d take another approach to blogging AI this week. I’m looking at what songs would be a great fit for the contestants.

Melinda

Homegirl is the resident professional. She’s consistent and thoughtful in her interpretations. I see her as a young Stephanie Mills or Natalie Cole. She needs to show more sassy contemporary personality. She could benefit from “This Will Be” by NCole and “Gravity” by John Mayer or tackling Mary J. Blige or Alicia Keys. Corinne Bailey Rae could fit as well.

Blake

We get it. You can beat box. The problem is figuring out what songs to beat box on and how often. Last night’s double dose seemed foolish and didn’t work like the previous week. He could benefit from a Maroon 5 song like “Harder to Breathe” or Jason Mraz.

LaKisha

She’s a great belter but needs a song that doesn’t call for shouting or over the top dramatics. I would take her to Motown or the great jazz stylings of Dinah Washington, Etta James or the new darling Amy Winehouse.

Jordin

She’s proven she’s up for anything but extremely fast tracks lose her. She’d be great at bringing a young spin to the great singer/songwriters of the 70s like Carly Simon, Carol King and my Idol James Taylor. These are pure well-written songs that would allow her to shine without taking her over.

What do you think?

Slippery When Wet

Sometimes I have a moment of clarity at the most surprising times. I walk past a mirror and catch a glimpse of something wild and untamed. Turns out it’s me. My hair has totally frizzed out from doing Tae Bo. I look like a young Tina Turner. I’m watching American Idol and the guest mentor is Jon Bon Jovi. I realize I’m older, once again I refuse to say old. I know all of the Bon Jovi songs. They were the biggest thing running my senior year, next to Def Leppard and George Michael. Yes, we all wanted his sex. Class of ’89 rocks.

I was shocked and relieved that Bon Jovi night didn’t turn out to be another Gloria Estefan debacle. All of the contestants channeled their inner rock star with some amazing results. The selections were typical but filled with power. The stylists went into heavy metal gear. There was more big hair, tight denim, leather boots and chunky jewelry than all of Ozzyfest. With two wannabes being eliminated, performances needed to be perfect.

Here’s the run down:

Phil-Blaze of Glory

He’s definitely found his niche in the country rock format but he was yelling again last night. It was a tad manic and scary but at least it was filled with energy and motion. You didn’t want to fall asleep like on his other endevours.

Jordin-Livin’ on a Prayer

I was surprised she had trouble on this but she worked it the best she could. Her powerhouse voice wouldn’t allow her to let go and live the song. It kind of spun out of control but she was rockin’ the latest in suburban rocker goth wear.

LaKisha-This Ain’t a Love Song

At least I think this was the name of the song. Whatever it was, she sang the hell out of it. I just hope it isn’t too late for her. She was able to direct her belting voice into a rock song. Brilliant! Oh, and did I mention the Kiki/Simon kiss. I always knew he liked the black girls.

Blake-You Give Love a Bad Name

I wanted to hate this from the beat box opening to the Michael Jackson ending but it was pretty good. I don’t know that beat boxing is so much an innovation to a song in 2007 but it was different. Simon had it right. Half of the audience will love it the other half will hate it. My mother won’t know what to make of that.

Chris-Dead or Alive

Poor kid was trying to make it work but barely held on to the groove. I thought he would play up the country boy within since the R & B crooner gets diluted more and more each week.

Melinda-Have a Nice Day

She might not know how to throw up the horns but she can kick it rock style. This was the performance she needed to show her sassy side on a contemporary song. Kudos.

The bottom three will be Chris, Kiki and Phil.

Who do you think is going home?

Help Jerry's Kids

Was it just me or was American Idol’s telecast last night a horrendous rendition of a Jerry Lewis telethon? Remember the ghastly yet entertaining marathons of zany comedians, boozy host, juggling acrobats and polyester clad singing groups. Update the clothes and add some John Mayer music and you have Idol Gives Back, awkward pandering segments that placed Simon and Ryan in Africa, Randy in Louisiana and Paula in Atlanta. The most sincere person was Simon. He was truly appalled by the living conditions in Africa and inspired by the LA food bank. I couldn’t help but wish he’d break a piece off his fat cat paycheck for these causes.

To add salt to the wound, the contestants were asked to sing inspirational songs. Puleeze! Not only was the hour-long show padded with tear-inducing images of poor hungry children, we had to hear Kiki shriek through her “inspirational” song.

Here’s the run down:

Chris- Change the World

Not quite sure how this is an inspirational song and not a love song but Justin Timberfake belted it like he was changing the world. He still didn’t connect with me but the judges praised his weak attempt.

Melinda-There Will Come a Day

Not familiar with the song but she sang the hell out of it. Gave it a gospel quality. It wasn’t my favorite performance of hers but still leagues above the rest.

Blake-Imagine

This was the most hollow, uninspired version of Imagine I’ve ever heard. He was concentrating so hard on hitting the notes that he didn’t beat box or moon walk.

LaKisha-I Believe

Honey, never take on a Fantasia song. She performs from the top of her head to the bottomof her toes. She’s a young Patti LaBelle. Kiki’s lack of range is weighing on all of us. She will be leaving us soon.

Phil-The Change

Another week and he hasn’t sucked that bad. Still not showing much emotion but his vocals have greatly improved. He may have bought himself another week.

Jordin-You’ll Never Walk Alone

It started off very hokey but she brought it home with great emotion and power. She brought herself to tears and had me a bit weepy. Best performance of the night.

The bottom three will be Kiki, Blake and Chris.

Who do you think will go home?

Idol Goes Country

Yee haw yawl! I’m just feeling a little country fried after watching the American Idol wannabes attack country music last night. I had a revelation. Country night on AI doesn’t have to be appallingly bad. I was entertained. The budding Idols must have made peace with the stylists and hairdressers. They looked incredible. Once again, the celebrity mentor lectured the virtues of connecting to the audience and telling a story through song.

Martina McBride had the honor of coaching the potential Idols on this challenging week. I’ve noticed that this year’s celebrity coaches seem to be fans of the show. While extremely polite and encouraging, they have a lot of knowledge of the contestants and past shows.

Here’s a recap:

Phil-Where the Black Top Ends

Who would have known that inside that grisly exterior laid a personality? Not the most captivating personality but a personality none the less. This was the best he has sounded but that number one position and past performances make him vulnerable.

Jordin-A Broken Wing

Teeny bopper Jordin pulled out another fantastic performance. Despite a few ill-timed smiles, she performed with great emotion and energy. She’s definitely in the running for the title.

Sanjaya-Something to Talk About

This is a great AI song that up until last night, I thought was impossible to destroy. That was until pretty boy Sanjaya donned a bandana and made uncomfortable banter with a clearly amused background singer. He looked like he was playing Bernardo in a grade school production of West Side Story. Horrific!

LaKisha-Jesus Take the Wheel

Kiki’s performance spiraled out of control as she over sang the song. The lyrics were enough but her inner gospel diva took control and drowned out the emotion and sentiment of the song.

Chris-Mayberry

The title says it all. It’s hard for me to imagine that this is the best Rascal Flatts song he could find. Not good at all and sounded even worse during the recap at the end. Time to say adios.

Melinda-Trouble is a Woman

Don’t know where the hell she pulled this song but she vamped it up the way she should have last week. She would have been great on anything but sparkled on this old time honky tonk song. Her hair and outfit were beautiful. Like Jordin, what she wears is almost as important as what she sings.

Blake-When the Stars Go Blue

Sounded like a beautiful song but it had me wondering how the original sounded. I don’t get Blake’s appeal. He’s not hot, cute or even adorable to me and his singing is less than spectacular.

The bottom three should be Phil, Chris and golden boy Sanjaya.

What did you think?

Leg Watch: Week 5

I was going through my regular reading this morning when I came across two interesting articles in USA Today. The first was close to my heart because it talked about Dancing with the Stars maven Heather Mills or as I like to call her the dancing troll. (Side Note: Her leg didn’t pop off but she did fall over. Am I horrible to root for her leg to come off?) Forgive me. While I applaud her courageous task, I can’t get over her goulish looks and garish clothes.

The article brings up a valid point about using DWTS as a public relations/marketing tool. Read here. It might work for Ian Ziering but there is too much water under the bridge to save Mills’ tattered image in her native England. She means nothing to me and I’d like to think I’m indifferent but I do cast a suspicious eye on her relationship and divorce from Paul McCartney. Even my 70-year-old mother had harsh words for her and she probably didn’t know who she was before DWTS started.

This just illustrates the importance of great personal public relations and image building. She was never able to establish herself as genuinely in love with the Beatle before she was thrust in the hot spotlight and branded a gold digger.

The second article was about my other guilty pleasure – American Idol. Read here. It brings up the valid point that it is easier for Idol alumni to succeed in country music. Every season, except the current, has a resident country gal/guy - a Martina McBride/ Faith Hill warbler. Last year we were graced with two. Lucky us.

I’ve always thought this was a great disservice because no one can sing a Martina song better than she can and AI is supposed to be a pop music competition. Simon Cowell was famous for stressing that AI was looking for a pop idol. Remember poor Josh Gracin and the lashings he received for his country leanings. That went out the window the minute he saw Carrie Underwood and the cash register started to ka-ching in his ears.

I know what you’re thinking. What about the rockers and R & B talents? Very true that they aren’t considered pop but they still get plenty of play on pop radio. Pop radio pulls from hip-hop, rock, alternative and R & B not country. Country music crosses over to adult radio but not Top 40. The only crooner with a twang to do that recently was Shania Twain. Even Martina, Faith and Carrie are relegated to country radio or easy listening stations.

It’s easy to explain why country Idols do so well - the fan base. Country music has the most devoted fans next to soap opera fanatics and trekkies. Country doesn’t have to compete with other genres or jockey for position in the record stores. Did I just date myself? There’s no such thing as records anymore unless you’re spinning at a club but CD store sounds just as bizarre. Okay, music store. Either way, thanks to the AI publicity machine country contestant do well.

What are your thoughts?

Sanjaya Sucked Last Night-NOT!

Last night’s American Idol was a painful reminder that it ain’t easy singing Latin-flavored songs. You may remember the Gloria Estefan debacle a few years ago where we had to suffer through karaoke versions of Conga. Not much changed last night. Unlike Motown or Broadway themes, Latin night proves to be a tougher challenge. No one was able to release their inner Charo or Ricky Martin, which was disappointing but predictable. The surprises of the night were Sanjaya’s passable vocals on the Spanish gem Besame Mucho.

Jennifer Lopez proved to be a surprisingly insightful coach. Her advice to tap into the lyrics and connect with the audience was valid and repetitive. Every week a celebrity mentor tells the thick-headed warblers the same thing. Only Melinda, LaKisha and Jordin seem to get the message. It was amusing to see JLo try to channel the wannabes spicy side. Face it, no one can shake a bon bon like Jenny from the Block. I’ll give her credit for trying to advise the contestants about stage presence. What she lacks in voice talent, she more than makes up for in personality and showmanship.

Here’s the Diva’s take on the night:

Melinda-Sway

As usual, this was a stellar performance. She just needed to vamp it up more. In order for it to transcend the cabaret label, it needed to be more playful and sexy. Melinda needs to depart from her safety zone and show us some edge. More weeks of this will lead to boredom and bordeom leads to an exit.

LaKisha-Conga

I’m convinced there is no way to sing this song without sounding like a singer on a cruise ship. Despite JLo’s best efforts to teach Kiki some moves, it proved to difficult. She lost some of her energy trying to move around. They need to have Paula come in to show the kids how to move.

Chris-Smooth

One thing this boy isn’t is smooth. He disregarded JLo’s advice and started the song too low. It was tense and without expression. A lot of energy was spent trying to fit the words and his runs together.

Haley-Turn the Beat Around

The return of the hot pants and see through shirt may garner her more votes but the vocals were tragic. The constant movement and traveling through the audience took its toll of her voice. The song was manic and without soul.

Phil-Maria Maria

Thank God he covered his head unfortunately the full outfit made him look like one of Fat Albert’s gang. His energy and personality are too low key. It drives you boredom. His style lends itself to more quiet singer/songwriter. Unfortunately, his low energy sucks the energy out of the room. He never fully engages the audience, which makes him dispensable.

Jordin- Rhythmn is Gonna Get You

This girl is the energizer bunny. Sanjaya can learn from her. She commits 100% to every theme. Even when it doesn’t work, you still applaud the effort. The song was muddled but she worked it out the best she could.

Blake-I Need To Know

You know I love me some Marc Anthony so I don’t like people messing over his songs. This was a much better vocal from him and devoid of beat boxing but it lacked the sexy vibe that launched the song. It was slightly asexual. He works on a comical level but doesn’t exude passion.

Sanjaya-Besame Mucho

Well, donkeys must have flown because he sang like he deserved to be there. He must have tired of being the punchline of America’s jokes. I have to admit I’m driven to distraction by his gaunt figure, baffling hairstyles and now the indescribable tuff of hair pinned to his chin. J thought it might have been penciled in. I give him credit for singing in another language.

The bottom two will be Phil and Haley.

What do you think?

I Left My Heart in San Francisco

Last night the planets aligned on American Idol. All of the budding Idols didn’t suck on standard night. Even Sanjaya flattened down his mop and tried to honestly sing. It still came off as a bad high school production of Guys and Dolls but at least he made some effort. Tony Bennett was the mentor/coach and was extremely kind to the wannabes.

At this point in the competition, two things are starting to piss me off. First, the contestants don’t seem capable of listening to the celebrity coach. Despite stellar advice from the old timers (Lulu, Bennett, Diana Ross) and the current rage (Gwen Stefani), the Idols refuse to stop adding needless riffs and melodies and interpret the proper meaning to a song. That’s the problem with having such young and inexperienced people in the competition. It would be something if they were adding a new element that worked but several have tried and failed.

My other issue is with the styling. Now is not the time to fall apart in the fashion/hair category. There seems to be malicious intent from stylists or maybe Paula is adding her special touch to the finalists. Jordin has looked 10 pounds heavier two weeks in a row due to bulky unflattering outfits. Haley’s hairpieces must be from the Dolly Parton collection. They are puffy and pageant quality. Richard and Blake are stuck in the man/boy stage where wearing suits and sneakers are adorable as well as caps tilted to the side.

Here’s the low down on last night’s performances:

Blake-Mack the Knife

Finally another performance without beat boxing. He wasn’t that bad. His vocals were a bit thin but he delivered.

Phil-Night and Day

This is the best he has sounded in some time. The only problem is his inability to connect with the audience. Technically it was great but it didn’t seem romantic. The glare off his head was also distracting.

Melinda-I’ve Got Rhythm

She needed this up-tempo tune. She was everything she needed to be and more. However, her next selection must be fast and show more range musically. She’s already proven that she can tackle any genre with her seasoned voice but needs to show more youth. Rock out.

Chris-Don’t Get Around Much Anymore

Didn’t appreciate the Michael Jackson moves. He wasn’t able to put his R&B flavor in this song but made a valiant effort. The judges raved but it seemed weak to me.

Jordin-On a Clear Day

I wasn’t crazy about this song. For some reason it seemed a bit too obscure and unfamiliar. I didn’t think she sold the story of the song. Technically it worked but there was no connection or traces of her usual bubbly personality.

Gina-Smile

The rocker had trouble with this gentle tender song. It was boring. Usually the lyrics of such a simple song carries it through but she didn’t radiant enough energy to make it soar. Consistency is going to cause her exit.

Sanjaya-Cheek to Cheek

He sang.

Haley-Ain’t Misbehavin’

This song was out of her league. She didn’t have enough sass to pull it off. Instead she looked like a Miss America talent reject. Her little kicks and coos were comical.

Lakisha- Stormy Weather

Kiki and the girls had a great time. Her vocals were flawless. However, she totally wiped her ass with Bennett’s recommendation that she skip the last ad lib and end on the big note. She should have listened.

The bottom three will be Phil, Chris and Haley.

What do you think?

Open Letter to American Idol Voters

After last night’s American Idol injustice, I’ve drafted an open letter to all of those haters who are keeping the dream (Sanjaya) alive. It reads:

Dear American Idols Voters,

I GET IT!!! While supposedly a singing/talent contest, American Idol is really a popularity contest. I GET IT !!! It reminds you of that bubbly cheerleader/cute honor student/mean girl who made fun of your unfashionable glasses/big googly eyes/name. The girl/bitch or guy/dickhead who made your life impossible or made your self-esteem plummet so far you didn’t attend homecoming/prom/class reunion. I GET IT!!! Pop singers are highly overpaid marginal singers/slinky dancers/pimped out MTV products. I GET IT!!! You’re disgruntled/underpaid/underappreciated and want to make a statement/stick it to the man/prove that you are right. MESSAGE RECEIVED!

However, it’s ONLY a talent contest. GET OVER IT. Through all of this incessant bullshit and media hype surrounding the movement to vote for the worst, was there ever a thought for the ramifications for 17-year-old Sanjaya. This poor fragile awkward kid has to come back week after week and warble to snickers. While it shows a lot of courage in his perseverance, it seems to be taking its toll on him personally. Every week he seems to be sinking further and further. Not to mention the scathing reviews and criticism flying his way.

So congratulations. In your perverse quest to rig a talent competition, you are making a mockery of an innocent teenage boy. Way to go. You must be so proud. But here’s the kicker. American Idol producers will NEVER allow Sanjaya to win because that would be the end of the show. Gone. No more sexual ambiguity with Ryan Seacrest. No more tight knit sweaters for Simon Cowell. Paula Abdul would have to pick up her pom poms and become a Laker Girl while Randy Jackson would have to call one of those names he keeps dropping. Keeping Sanjaya on the show is a ratings ploy that keeps the calls coming in and message boards buzzing. I wouldn’t be surprised if Vote For the Worst was the idea of the crafty AI producers and creators. I’m just throwing it out there. Not to mention there was genuine talent to come off the show. It may not be your cup of tea but millions of Americans are buying CDs and going along for the ride.

So, to you voters. Get over yourself. Turn the channel. Get a hobby and let Sanjaya go home.

Sincerely,

Pop Culture Diva

Can I get an amen?

American Idol Power Outage

The energy was extremely low on American Idol last night but the tunes were hot. Guest mentor Gwen Stefani brought the heat with her unique musical selections. The theme was No Doubt, Stefani’s solo music and her other inspirations, which included The Cure, The Police and Donna Summers. The songs were a vibrant selection from a modern songbook. Unfortunately, the young performers didn’t bring much energy or youth to the songs. The Idols need to start listening to the mentors as they talk about oversinging and the economy of runs and excessive beat boxing.

The AI stylists must enjoy playing little tricks on the contestants because they looked like ahot mess. Sanjaya caught the brunt of the most vicious joke with his ridiculous faux-hawk. Boots were made for walking as most of the girls sported a pair. Poor Jordin wore a circle skirt that made her look 10 pounds heavier through the hips and Melinda looked like a cast member of The Brady Bunch: A Musical.

Here’s a low down on the night’s performances:

LaKisha-Last Dance

The girl has a voice but was lackluster with the Donna Summers disco ditty. She didn’t bring anything new to the vocals but her strong voice and consistent performances should keep her in the running another week.

Chris S.-Every Little Thing She Does is Magic

Not my favorite Police song but still a classic. He was proficient but where is the spunky alternative popster with quirky song choices. I think the stress is working him over. He may actually be the first AI finalist to gain weight. Homey was ahead of the music. Is he the rare singer without rythmn?

Gina-I’ll stand By You

I thought she gave the vocal of the night. If she could bring that emotion and intensity every week, she’d be a strong contender. I love the fragility of her voice. Exceptional. She needed this performance.

Sanjaya-Bath Water

Between the ridiculous hair, weak vocals and blank stare, I was underwhelmed. He’s just given up and stopped trying. I know I gave up three weeks ago.

Haley-True Colors

Poor girl. After baring her body last week, she did a 180 and went back to her pageant form. Her vocals were uninspired and her hairpiece looked like it belonged to a Connecticut soccer mom.

Phil-Every Breath You Take

Why did the creepiest guy in the competition perform the creepiest stalker song? I’m just glad he covered his shiny head. The performance was softer than usual therefore making it pleasant and less forced.

Melinda-Heaven Knows

This is one of my favorite Donna Summers tunes. I wish she had picked a No Doubt song to flex her rock muscle but she played it save. What is there to say about this girl? Even on a ho hum song, she’s articulate, emotional and fun to watch.

Blake-Love Song

I adore this Cure song. I appreciated Gwen’s honesty in stating that he needs to be careful with the beat boxing. He took it out and it was much better but highlights the fact that his vocals are weak. He needs to prove that he can really sing. He just feels like a random person trying to get into showbiz and not a dedicated singer. I think he’d much rather be an actor. I don’t feel his passion for music.

Jordin-Hey Baby

This was a tough song but she tried to work it out. She didn’t quite nail it but at least the words were coherent, which is tough on a song like this. Her spunk and gumption will keep her in there another week. She should have picked I’m Just a Girl. I’m surprised none of the girls selected it.

Chris R-Don’t Speak

I liked his R&B tinged version. He just looks so unsure and awkward. If he had a boost of confidence, he would miss the bottom three. Unfortunately, he may not get the opportunity to achieve that growth.

I think the bottom three will be Sanjaya, Chris R. and Haley.

What do you think?

Sell it! Dammit!!

Another night of American Idol, another night of lackluster performances. Don’t get me wrong there was more fire last night but unfortunately it was a slow burning ember. Some contestants still haven’t been able to shake their nerves and perform up to their potential. Unfortunately, for those singers they are being out sung by those who are thriving. The real test of the next weeks is who can mix up their act and who we will grow tired of after several weeks.

The budding Idols tackled the British Invasion, which I thought was genius. This was a genre never approached before. The songs are timeless and simple. You can try your runs and vocal gymnastics on them but it is pointless. Peter Noone and Lulu were comforting and helpful in their coaching. The singers would be smart to listen to their advice. Every week they are told to interpret the song. Know what it means and convince the audience that they believe it. Sell it.

Here’s a recap:

Haley Scarnato-Tell Him

Haley totally sold the song with a little pep in her step, hot pants, high heels and a backless top. She found her confidence and personality. She finally sang like she deserved to be in the competition. It was just unfortunate that she had to sing first but her leggy action will keep the young boys voting.

Chris Richardson-Don’t Let the Sun Get You Crying

He tries and he tries but I don’t think he has the chops to continue for much longer. This song was great at showcasing his voice. He cut down on the runs and just sang. However, the night showcased him as one of the weaker vocalists. At the end he went for a sexy look but instead looked like he had just eaten some rancid Taco Bell. His charm will keep him around but he’ll have to distinguish himself from the other Justin Timberlake wannabe.

Stephanie Edwards-You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me

This is a haunting song that at least one Idol in training attempts each season. Stephanie was stripped of her energy and phoned in this breathy and weak vocal. Her Beyonce spin didn’t work this time. She needs to return to her soulful vibe.

Blake Lewis-Time of the Season

His whole Rerun from What’s Happening meets Jamiraqui is irritating and starting to seem less original every week. Yes he successfully updated the tune. Impressive. But the constant moonwalking and beat boxing is trying. Strip all the dancing and sound effects and you have a thin voice that lacks tone. Would you buy an album entirely engulfed in beat boxing? Not if it isn’t 1985 and Dougie Fresh isn’t on the mic.

LaKisha Jones-Diamonds Are Forever

I thought this was an interesting choice for her that showcased her range and flexibility. The dress was figure flattering and vibrant. I loved the campy drag queen quality. I thought it was refreshing. The over the top hand waving at the end was fantastic.

Phil Stacey-Tobacco Road

Poor fella looks too much like a vampire or some other mythical creature. His manic performance was unsettling. The song’s energy met his but I felt his voice was unsuited for the challenge. He reminded me of the guy who played Jennifer Anniston’s brother in The Break Up. I keep waiting for him to break into Owner of the Lonely Heart.

Jordin Sparks-I Who Have Nothing

She gave the performance of the night. It was moody and torch-like. I loved her hair and dress. Here’s a perfect example of someone who inhabited the song. The words were simple, the voice was clear. Perfection.

Sanjaya Malakar-You Really Got Me

Finally the timid mouse woke from his slumber. He was still soft spoken and pitchy but at least we knew he had a pulse. This is what we were waiting for. He’s still way too green for the show but at least he didn’t get laughed off the stage.

Sidebar: Unhinged crying girl’s parents need to get her help. She was too unstable and overstimulated for it to be cute.

Gina Glocksen-Paint It Black

She tried hard but she is too unpredictable to make it in the long run. It was better than last week but she still seemed to be holding back. It’s the freaking Rolling Stones. It’s all about attitude and swagger. Both were in short demand. At one point she broke into the 80s dance and looked like one of the Go Gos. J brought up a hilarious point that as she’s yelling Black! Black! They are showing the African-American drummer wailing away.

Chris Sligh-She’s Not There

I like this guy but I think nerves are picking him apart. He’s moving away from his alternative pop persona and heading towards boring drone. He spent too much time navigating the audience without interaction and less time on conveying the message of the song.

Melinda Doolittle-As Long As He Needs Me

Now this girl can sell a song. I loved her conviction and interpretation of the song. I appreciate that you can always understand the lyrics. Bravo.

Sanjaya, Phil and Chris Richarson will be the bottom three.

What did you think?

No more Aretha. Please.

So, I finally sat down and watched American Idol last night. I had missed the guys the night before. I don’t like to watch the auditions show, which are essentially clever marketing and ratings bait. I like when they finally eliminate the riff raff and get down to business. After watching the girls perform, I was left wondering why some of them were even there. It’s not until you put all of the singers together that you notice the disparities.

There were at least six that can go immediately. Just the idea of them hanging around another week is worrisome. I haven’t even committed their names to memory because it seems like a waste of time. It’s pretty sad when you know if the first three notes that something is wonky. And there was a lot of wonky performances last night. Judging from the footage from the previous night, the fellas had difficulty carrying a notes and selecting songs as well. I guess I’ve become spoiled by RockStar, which features seasoned performers who put on (what feels like) a concert every week. They have to pick from a small list of songs and are encouraged to rearrange music and play instruments.

There was the big haired toothpick girl who murdered “Brass in Pocket”. She didn’t have enough spark or edge to pull it off. Palazzo pant girls wailed through the Meat Loaf epic “It’s All Coming Back to Me.” It should have come back to her to never try a powerful ballad if you can’t pull it off. Did the Nelly Furtado look-a-like really sing “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing?” When they said Aerosmith, I was hoping for “Dream On.” She managed to pick the most uncool Aerosmith song EVER. It’s beautiful but overdone and cheesy.

Dog walker girl needed to sit down somewhere. She was awkward and looked a bit too Stepford for my liking. Side swept bang girl was all mood and no substance as she emoted through “I Can’t Make You Love Me.” Bonnie Raitt has so many wonderful songs. Why would dark-haired girl decide to do the Celine Dion version of “All By Myself?” Rule of thumb. No Celine, Whitney or Mariah. The Holy Trinity. Add Aretha, Mary and Alicia to this growing list.

Randy Jackson put it best when he said success is be based on how well the singer knows themselves and their voice. Amen. Meanwhile, there were a few girls that distinguished themselves. LaKisha Jones was great on “And I Am Telling You” but didn’t make it sour like the two Jennifers. She could easily advance with a less challenging song that wouldn’t lead to comparisons. Melinda Doolittle was fantastic on the last of the Aretha songs but she may look too old to connect with viewers. Jordan Sparks is the baby of the group. I give her credit for picking a Tracy Chapman song that we don’t hear everyday.

Sabrina Sloan is good but she seems to be channeling the Pussycat Dolls too much. She’ll need to switch it up or the sex kitten thing will get old. I also like that she said she didn’t pick a slow song because she’s watched the show in the past and seen what advances. Finally, someone with recall. Stephanie Edwards was dynamic on “Why Don’t You Call Me Anymore?” Last but not least, I give Nicole Tranquillo credit for attempting a Chaka Kahn song. It showed great musicality and vocal range but also highlighted a poor song choice for her voice. She wasn’t quite soulful enough to pull if off. She was trying for a Joss Stone vibe but missed.

I most likely won’t blog AI again until the final 12 but had to express my disappointment.

What did you think?