Give Me a Break

As much as I adore pop culture and its undeniable contributions to language, fashion and culture, I’m also aware of the down side. That dark side that sucks people of their originality and turns them into a poor man’s Paris Hilton or a weak Maroon 5 video. I champion pop culture on all levels but seem to understand what is personal taste and what is a flashy trend populated by celebrities and those who wish to be celebrities.

I’ve argued this point before. It’s okay for Mariah Carey to wear that micro mini and stilettos at the airport because she’s not going to have to trek through the airport on foot and lift her own luggage. I got the idea for this blog after viewing a young man walking down US1 wearing mirrored aviator glasses at 7 this morning.

Here are a few pop culture staples that have gone too far in everyday life:

The Kanye Effect

You know where he wears white leather jackets, heavy gold chains and blinder shades. Just a reminder that this looks ridiculous in him but we forgive him because we expect entertainers to be flamboyant and zany. It’s artistic. In reality you look like a fool wearing gold chains from the Mr. T Collection and a single white glove. Not cute in real life.

Jimmy Choos for Tinkerbell

In my mind it is animal cruelty to dress animals in dresses, shoes, sweaters or T-shirts. A well-placed bandana is always cute but full designer duds are a waste of money and demeaning to animals. It’s also a good idea to let your dog walk for its self. Stop carrying these damn teacup pooches everywhere. It strips the dog of its true nature.

Moon Over Miami

The micro mini is not for everyday people over 18 years old. Leave it for the youngsters and I encourage them to underwear AND leggings or tights. If not, don’t attempt to bend over. Let that pencil stay where it is. It’s bad luck to see the crack of someone’s ass.

Smooth as Silk

Message to young and some old men: Stop waxing your eyebrows within an inch of their lives. We appreciate the effort but when we say clean up the brows, we mean make sure there are two and they don’t meet your hairline. I’m also down with manscaping as long as it’s done to prevent you from looking like a grizzly bear or Robin Williams.

Willy’s Little Helpers

I’m appalled that people are still trying to tan. I don’t understand why there are still tanning salons when there are better over-the-counter options. Not to mention that horrible orange color that is spreading across the nation. Please stop.

What pop culture trends are driving you crazy in the real world?

Mommie Dearest

As I continue this journey into the exclusive motherhood club, it has made become more introspective. What kind of mother will I become? I know this about myself: I don’t baby talk animals, my husband or my own kid; I’m fun and playful with children but a traditional disciplinarian; I’m a strong proponent of not only books but film as well and I won’t dress my daughter (Oh yea, I’m growing a budding PCD) in all pink, skirts or frilly Loretta Lynn inspired frocks.

My parents were pretty powerful influences in my life. My mother worked her way through college after she got married and took vacations alone with my sister and me. My father was adamant that both my sister and me went to college and have a career so we wouldn’t be dependant on a man. Both of my parents were strong advocates for traveling. They felt we should see how other people lived beyond our small town, which explains the exotic vacations to Haiti and Belgium as a kid. Pretty progressive stuff for Ohio.

But they weren’t the only influences on my child rearing skills. As a true pop culture child, these women also opened my mind to alternative mothering skills:

Clair Huxtable-The Cosby Show

She was smart, beautiful and had a deliciously strong hand with her husband. I do think she is the #1 TV mom.

June Cleaver-Leave it to Beaver

I’ve always been fascinated with this notion of the perfect mom. She doesn’t exist and if you think back, June wasn’t that perfect. She had many days when she didn’t know what to do with the Beav.

Florida Evans-Good Times

Damn! Damn! Damn! This lady was the perfect urban mom. Related to her children but was strict when it counted.

Lois-Malcolm in the Middle

She’s crazy, vindictive and intuitive. I adore her. Plus she’s on top of her kid’s crap.

What TV parent would you pattern your real-life parenting skills after?

Move Over Kelly Clarkson

Since my commute to work can be tedious and boring, I find all kinds of ways to entertain myself. One of those is to watch my fellow commuters. Are they plucking their nose hairs? Reading the paper? Picking their nose? All of this entertains me but the most rewarding is the driver who seems to be performing in their own music video complete with closed eyes and waving hands and fingers. I love that.

Last week, a 40-something blonde with a Carol Brady shag was working it out. She was singing with such conviction, I had to know what she was listening to. So I started the radio scan and found her inspiration in Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield. Home girl WAS the American Idol that morning.

Naturally, I started thinking about my own car singing. I’ve been known to get down on some Stevie Wonder or the Dreamgirls soundtrack. I love the sense of abandonment that comes with singing in your car or shower. You don’t care who hears you because you are Mariah Carey in your mind. Singing live from Madison Square Garden. For just that moment you’re the celebrity minus the big paycheck and inappropriate lover. I put on my shades and slip into another persona.

It’s natural in this day of celebrity worship to have a keen fantasy life. How else do you explain all of the men in tight T-shirts and overly frosted locks? With that said, here are few of my car singing favorites:

Journey

I can sing almost any Journey song all the way through. I’m partial to Lights and that monumental 80s soft rock classic Open Arms.

Bonnie Raitt- Something to Talk About

I’m not sure I know all the words to this song but I love belting what I do know. The lyrics are flirty and fun.

Madonna-Into the Groove

This may be her most playful song and was long before she started talking with an affected British accent and adopting African boys. I sing this and I’m in junior high again with teased hair in a banana clip and way too many accessories.

Grease soundtrack

I can sing every song on this album (am I dating myself there?). And if you go to my parent’s basement in Ohio, you’ll find the original album along with Footloose and Xanadu soundtracks. Yikes!

What songs make you boogie in the car?

Missed Notes

You know I fancy myself a musical junkie. I’ve written of my admiration and cult-like following of Rent and the Dreamgirls soundtrack but I seem to missing something when it comes to the pop culture phenomenon of High School Musical. I tried watching the first one but couldn’t relate. So naturally, I tried it again with HSM2 but nothing. I flipped after 2 minutes.

I like cheesy corny musicals and teenybopper movies but HSM is over my head. I just found out that it was a movie and not a TV series. I really had no clue. I recently celebrated my goddaughter’s 10th birthday with dozens of hysterical tweens, loads of sugary ice cream and an hour of HSM reenactments. The budding musical majors knew all the words and choreography. I felt like my mother at that Menudo concert back in ’86. Clueless.

To make me feel even more out of it, the parents and a few stray college students knew the lyrics. I was just getting used to the idea of Hannah Montana. Now I have to contend with Gabrielle and Sharpay. What the hell is a Sharpay? Plus resident hottie Zac Efron is a bit feminine for me but hey I thought Duran Duran was the height of manliness witht their glistening lip gloss.

Now that I’ve admitted my deep dark secret of not getting HSM, I’ll admit that the marketing is genius. They float the lyrics to the songs on the bottom of the screen making it mandatory to buy the soundtrack. The cast of 17-23 year olds caters to a wide cross section of viewers. It’s a diverse cast so every child sees themselves in one character. Brilliant! I just wish the songs weren’t so awful but who am I to talk I like Let’s Bowl Tonight from that monster stinker Grease 2. Don’t even get me started on Cool Rider.

Maybe I’m just too old or shall I say. The Real World now repulses me. I no longer think a Mardi Gras visit would be fun. Who knows? I don’t have to be in on every trend. I mean I let tube tops and Bermuda shorts pass me by but I’m usually hip to the musicals.

Have I missed the boat? What do you think of HSM?

The Rose Tattoo

After weeks of watching the intriguing previews for LA Ink, I finally took the bait and watched the show. I wasn’t a fan of Miami Ink. I caught a marathon of what must have been the second season and was instantly bored to tears. The fascinating part of MI was Kat (resident babe), the zany tattoo hungry customers and the actual art of tattooing. The artists were pretty mundane in personality but their art was interesting. Face it. You can only take so much of people trying to explain the meaning behind their scull and cross bones tattoo.

So why did I attempt LAI? Kat Von D. Even her name is theatrical. Don’t get me wrong. She’s not the most exciting person but her persona is interesting. She’s a colorful blend of pin up girl, tattooed lady and rocker. She and her friends represent a new wave of beauty that’s edgy, feminine but tough. Full tattoo sleeves mixed with Veronica Lake hairdos.

Well, LAI isn’t very interesting. Much of the same from MI. But at least Kat and her friends made me think about the changing face of beauty. I love the vivid colors and imagery of her ink art but have to ask, “What happens if she decides this isn’t her look anymore?” It’s a look that can be carried into your 40s and 50s but as my mom reminded me when I got my tatoos, what looks cute at 20 may not look good at 60. But what does?

Oh yea, here’s another personal tidbit. I have two tattoos. A sun burst on my left breast and three tiny (and typical) butterflies with my signature on the side of my right thigh. I’d like to say that the butterflies represent freedom but I wasn’t that deep at 22. It was a small act of rebellion that can be covered up by even the shortest shorts. I don’t think I’d have the guts or the pain tolerance to get a full sleeve tattoo but that’s just me.

So, I’m thinking whose personal style do I admire but couldn’t and wouldn’t in a million years try to mimic.

Dita Von Teese

Kat must worship at the alter of this neo-burlesque queen. Even their names are similar. With alabaster skin and impeccable attention to detail. Dita brings a modern edge to 40s style pin up fashion.

Pink

I love her punky tomboy quality. It’s natural for her boyish physique and spiky crew cut. She mixes her androgyny with feminine make up and perfectly coiffed hair.

Kimora Lee

You have to admire her over-the-top drag queen style. She’s glitzy and shimmered to perfection and she’s 10 feet tall. Her diva attitude adds to her tranny chic.

What celebrity has killer style that you admire but couldn’t pull off?

Don't Mess with Hef!

You know how I feel about Hugh Hefner. Don’t mess with my man. I’m constantly defending my admiration for the old coot. And yes, I still want to stay at the Mansion. I wonder if he provides day care. I was ticked to read Page Six this morning and see that Girls Gone Wild slime ball Joe Francis was pissed at Hef for not backing him up on his shameless exploitation of young drunk women at their most vulnerable moments. I won’t even get into the fact that he’s made loads of money and is so greedy and slick that he’s trying to get over on the government. There’s enough money for everyone. That’s another story.

It seems Francis is upset because Hef hasn’t come forward to defend him and even distanced himself from the young mogul on a recent Larry King Live. I don’t blame him. I would too. There is no comparison between nudie pictures with consenting adults and taping girls during Spring Break or Mardi Gras when they are drunk/high and out of their minds. It’s a clever idea but you can’t say it’s not exploiting young ladies. It ain’t exactly Masterpiece Theatre. Sure, there is a lesson for girls out there. Don’t get so wasted that you can’t control your actions and there are other ways to show you’re beautiful.

Francis wants to liken his operation to Hustler and Playboy, which is ridiculous. These magazines were battling pornography charges and pushing the boundaries of what is considered decent. No matter how you feel about these publications; it should be noted that the people participate on their own accord.It is interesting that Playboy faced a similar issue with underage girls at a wet T-shirt contest. The lesson there is carefully scrutinize I.D.s and beware of underage girls at special events.

Should Hef have his back?

You know how you see a preview of a movie and remain unimpressed. Especially when other movies are released about a similar topic. If you’re a regular reader, you’ll remember that was my reaction to The Prestige and The Illusionist. While I still have to watch my TiVo’d Illusionist, I did see TP.

Must say it wasn’t that bad. The constant twists and turns become a bit annoying after the first hour but it keeps you interested and slightly intrigued. TP is about rival magicians Robert Angier (Hugh Jackman) and Alfred Borden (Christian Bale). The film examines the lengths they will go to in order to perform the perfect unforgettable magic trick. The ending reminded me of the Twilight Zone. Michael Caine takes an interesting turn as their mentor Cutter. Scarlett Johansson was thrown in for her obligatory bombshell role. Nothing new there. Look for a major rock pioneer where you least expect him.

Halfway through the movie I couldn’t help but think Wolverine was battling Batman. Strange but that’s the way my brain meandered. I also started thinking about films with similar subject and how one usually outshines the other.

Here’s a look at my choices:

Apocalypse Now vs. Platoon

I saw both of these films years ago but the images and sounds of AN are haunting and have stayed with me. I can’t remember that much from the other film. AP is the quintessential Vietnam movie.

The Godfather vs. Goodfellas

I give my nod to the classic glimpse into old school organized crime organizations. I really like Goodfellas but keep coming back to the original Godfather Marlon Brando. It has created some of the best phrases in pop culture.

The Exorcist vs. The Omen

Both freaked me out but I think Damien wins. The menacing nature and pure creepiness of the mood of the film freaks me out.

The Serpent and the Rainbow vs. Angel Heart

I usually don’t watch movies about the devil or voodoo because they get under my skin and I believe in those entities. Not believe as in I worship Satan but more like I think that shit can happen. SATR was an even film with an interesting story. AH was a bit disjointed and gratuitous at time.

Reservoir Dogs and The Usual Suspects

I have to side with RD here. It was provocative and thrilling. TUS was great with a big bang ending but it took you a while to get there.

What other comparisons would you add to this list?

Shameless Plug

I almost decided not to touch this topic but couldn’t resist. My mother called me the other day with a hint of glee in her voice. Like she was going to drop some bombshell news on me. She proceeded to tell me that Star Jones had come forward with the UN-shocking news that she indeed had gastric bypass surgery and not medical intervention as she had been spinning it for years.

I gave my mother the same tirade I’m about to lay on you. Jones is a transparent media whore. She had been denying surgery for years. Perhaps, after all those years of claiming to love her larger figure and being an inspiration to big girls everywhere, she felt like a fraud by having the procedure. Maybe she never cared about her size until she got a man (as closeted as he may be). Maybe she was intensely private. Maybe she was embarrassed. Maybe she had a health scare.

All of these may be factors but the truth is she’s only coming forward with this news because her career is in the crapper and she pimping her new CourtTV talk show. Why else would she choose this time to reveal this secret? Seems suspect to me. Not to mention the Glamour Magazine article. She chose this opportunity to reveal something personal in order to sell herself. I guess we shouldn’t be surprised by the women her sold sponsorships to her over-the-top wedding.

In reality, the best role models show their imperfections. They don’t lie about them. It would have been a classy move for her to come clean on why she had the surgery. Health issues? Personal reasons? Time for change? Want to wear a tube top? It would have been more honest and helpful to the women that looked up to her.

What were your thoughts on the grand revelation?

I'm Baack!!

And with a confession. I know you’ve wondered why I’ve dropped out of the blog world for the last month. So, I’m breaking one of my personal blogging rules about revealing too much of my personal life, after all I blog pop culture. No one cares about my personal life. So here goes!

I’m PREGNANT. Eighteen weeks now. A few weeks ago my doctor told me to slow down and put me on bed rest. I’m happy to say I feel much better and baby is thriving. I don’t know the sex yet since the baby wouldn’t open its legs on the last ultra sound, which is perfect if it’s a girl.

With that said, it’s great comfort too get back in some sort of routine and get back to writing, which has always been therapeutic for me. The best thing about being forced to kick back and relax is all the self-introspection and guilt free hours of watching television.

Naturally, I have new loves in TV programming. Here’s a list of what struck my fancy:

Scott Baio is Single… and 45

Boy, who knew Chachi was such a prick? He’s a serial womanizer who sees marriage as death. Unlike ladies men like Hugh Hefner, Charles (in Charge) can’t seem to end a relationship on good terms with any woman. I adore and applaud his candor in speaking about his past. I also like that his work with the life coach forces him to rehash past relationships in personal. Very humbling. Brilliant!

Anthony Bourdain- No Reservations

I have been a cooking show junkie for the past months but this show is outrageous. Driven by the dry and often drunken wit of author/chef Bourdain, the program showcases his gastric escapades in exotic and not so exotic locales worldwide. He prides himself in eating like a local, which means spicy noodles in Korea, chewy rat in Ghana or fried pork in Puerto Rico. He’s down for what ever!

The Judge Shows

Daytime television has gotten away from talk and game shows and is heavy on legal programs. There are too many to mention, though Judge Mathis is a riot. I love the clueless nature of the plaintiff and defendants as well as the biting sarcasim of the judges.

Hell’s Kitchen and Kitchen Nightmares

British chef Gordon Ramsey is a straight up trip for me. They have to bleep him so much you can barely understand what he’s saying. HK is an exercise in patience and tolerance. The chef’s aren’t extremely creative or talented. All they have to do is survive dinner service and the chef. I’ve personally felt let down since Waffle House cook Julie was let go. KN is on my new favorite BBC America. Ramsey spreads his special charms to struggling restaurants that call in for his help in revamping their establishments.

Footballers Wives

This is Britain’s answer to Dynasty. Bitchy women, tons of heavy eye shadow and sparkly little dresses. I love it. Soccer wives are the equivalence to rock star wives. Flashy and trashy. Great TV!

What are you watching these days?