Bring It

The chill continues here in Miami and I’m thrilled beyond belief which makes up for the fact that I totally missed the Screen Actor’s Guild Awards. Granted I didn’t miss much after looking at the results but I still like seeing them. I forgot they were coming on and by the time I remembered, it was too late. They didn’t show a replay either, they usually a replay immediately following the ceremony. Oh, well.

It seems the Oscars are pretty well laid out as far as the front-runners. Forest Whitacker, Helen Mirren, Jennifer Hudson and Eddie Murphy seem unstoppable. Emphasis on ‘seems’. We could have some surprises come Academy Award night. I still need to see The Departed and The Queen. So for me, the jury is still out. The big question is who will win Best Picture. The victory by Little Miss Sunshine throws salt in Babel’s game.

So what was I watching that distracted me from the SAG Awards? Black Dahlia. That’s right I invested two hours in this period concoction. The story started off simple enough – the story of partners Officer Bucky Bleichert (Josh Hartnett) and Seargent Lee Blanchard (Aaron Eckhart). Through in Lee’s heavenly girlfriend Kay Lake (Scarlett Johansson), moody Madeline Linscott (Hilary Swank) and a mysterious violent murder and it become a complicated tale.

Black Dahlia is true to its film noir roots of the 1940s. The mood is tense and full of mystery. The look is full rich colors. Johansson in her nearly all-white wardrobe is always filmed with a bright halo of light around her. Swank lets go of her tomboy uniform and serves up a dark sexy figure always gripping a cigarette and enveloped in a cloud of smoke. Both are effective in their distinct roles. I’m not that sure if Johansson can act. While she’s lovely and interesting, her delivery of lines is often stilted. Even with the robotic high school play delivery, she’s still provocative and shows tremendous opportunity for growth. Mia Kirschner was intriguing as the slain Elizabeth Short.

Hartnett is turning into an actor while trying to downplay is pretty boy looks. He’s made great strides to appear in quality films. Lucky Number Slevin was fun. He demonstrates a clever sense of humor but I can’t help but wonder if he can muster a bit more emotion in scenes. I get this Tobey Maquire/Rain Man feeling when watching him. Eckhart was the perfect conflicted police officer. Is he bad? Is he good? He’s both.

Overall the movie was visually stunning but 20-30 minutes could have been shaved off. The extra time allowed more confusion and plot turns. By the time they got to the end and explained everything I was thankful.

A certain Lady blogger had been singing the praises of Snakes on a Plane for so long, I couldn’t prevent the inevitable any longer. I succumbed to SOAP Friday night. There’s not much to say about the plot except FBI Agent Nevill Flynn (Samuel Jackson) is in charge of getting eye witness Sean Jones (Nathan Phillips) to Los Angeles safely to testify against a crime kingpin. And you know what happens next. The snakes go beserk on passengers and crew.

The snakes are extremely fake looking and the plot is non-existent but I knew it wasn’t going to be Titanic or even Towering Inferno. It was, however, sheer escapism. I wasn’t expecting Citizen Kane so I wasn’t disappointed. It was better than I thought it was going to be. By the time, Jackson uttered “I’m sick of these mutherfuckin’ snakes on this muthafuckin’ plane,” I was ecstatic. That’s what I was waiting for. I like the fact that Jackson doesn’t take himself so seriously that he can’t do campy films like SOAP. Oh, and a word about the SOAP theme song “Bring It,” it was pop candy with an edge. Very entertaining.

What did you see this weekend?

TGIF

Thank God It’s Friday. The temperature has dropped in my Miami. Either it’s the cool brisk air on my face or the feel of my velvet blazer against my skin because I’m feeling giddy. You know that flirty fun feeling that comes on Friday or when you know something big is coming.

The celebrity news was wacky as usual this morning. It seems there is concern that Mary Kate Olsen has had a relapse with her eating disorder because of her gaunt figure at a recent Golden Globes party. Her representative quickly cleared this rumor up by saying that she didn’t relapse but she did change the color of her hair and that has made her appear thinner. You know the mystically nature of blonde hair that automatically makes women look thinner. Give me a break. How can you say this as a publicist and not crack up laughing? I’m roaring right now.

Another story is that David and Victoria Beckham have been approached to do a reality show, which would highlight their move to the US and the mayhem that will follow. The media-loving couple want to raise their profile here. I’ll never know why. Seriously, Posh Spice is way too pretentious and icy to capture American hearts. She’ll have to scale down the sunglasses and gain a few pounds. The media will have a field day with her spending and I’d also guess that her parenting skills will come under fire since we never see her with her children. Also, why enter that realm. This could be the one thing that causes the power couple to break up. The track record isn’t outstanding for reality shows involving young couples.

Keeping with my cheeky mood. MSN asks a funny question. What Hollywood Hottie would you date? Well, you know that sent my mind reeling. If I weren’t blissfully happy with J (yada yada yada), these sexy single papis would be on my radar.

Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Jude Law

The Holy Trinity. These men will always have a permanent spot on my list. I know Jude likes to hump his nannies and co-stars but I think I could forgive him.

Alejandro Sanz- Yummy, spicy, Spanish. I’ve admired his voice for years.

Vince Vaughn- He’s a tall drink of heaven with a sense of humor drier than mine. Not a small feat.

Olivier Martinez- The best thing to come out of France since Hermes scarves and handbags.

Daniel Craig - The charismatic new James Bond. This spy can love me.

Which Hollywood Hottie would you date?

I've heard it all

Okay. That’s it. I feel a rant coming on. I was driving (Yippee. I got a car.) into work this morning when I heard that Isaiah Washington, the F-word spewing actor from Grey’s Anatomy, has entered rehab to understand why he used the word. He’s getting help to get to the root of his use of the word. Are you fucking kidding me?

How exactly does that therapy go? Isaiah, why did you call you co-worker the F-word? Why did you use the word again at the Golden Globes? I admit there has to be a root of his anger and hate but why rehab. He’s not an alcoholic, drug addict or suffering from an eating disorder. How do you know treatment is workin? Send him down to Miami for the White Party and see if he goes off on any of the guys? I don’t get it.

Rehab has turned into this great public relations opportunity that places your actions on some kind of illness or disease. Maybe the person is just a bigot, homophobe or plain old asshole. I’ve run into plenty of assholes in the workforce and in life. If I thought rehab could cure all the assholes in the world, I would found the Diva Institute for the Ignorant. Jumping on the celebrity rehab wagon dilutes the real purpose of seeking treatment. It’s become a way to get people off your back in a bid to diminish a situation. I’m appalled. I didn’t think he should be fired because he would just be taking that anger and inappropriate energy someplace else but REHAB. REALLY.

What are your thoughts on the new rehab trend? Does it work?

Tears of a Diva

It has been an emotional few days for the Diva. It started with the great news that I got a new car last Friday. No more public transit. It all came together really fast. It’s a 2007 Hyundai Accent. Very girly ice blue. It looks like a little cupcake with pale blue icing. All was good until I popped in the original Broadway Dreamgirls soundtrack to bebop around town. You know how I’ve been feeling this recording. Turns out every time I hear ‘And I Am Telling You’, I turn into a sniveling idiot.

There’s something about that song that is so powerful yet very emotional. The sad thing is the car doesn’t have tints yet so my fellow motorists get to see the freak show for free. Minutes of great singing (at least to my ears) followed by tears and quivering lips. I’m a hot mess folks.

I’ve always been emotional when it comes to movies. I can’t watch The Champ, West Side Story, Terms of Endearment or the Joy Luck Club without losing my marbles. This leads me to think of other songs that turn me to mush.

Here’s the short list of songs that make the Diva cry:

Sara Smile-Hall & Oates

This song for some reason tears me to pieces, which is unusual since Hall & Oates has always carried fun memories for me. I spent many a Saturday in elementary and middle school skating to their music at the roller rink. God, am I dating myself.

In My Life-The Beatles

There is something about the simplicity of this song that is magical. I think it sums up that feeling you get when you meet a special person. Everything falls away and you love them more.

Ribbon in the Sky- Stevie Wonder

This song is new to my list. It was my first dance with my husband at our wedding. He picked it out. When Stevie gets to the part about not losing with God on our side, I’m done. I’ve always been emotional but in the past six years even award acceptance speeches get me going.

What a Wonderful World- Louie Armstrong

This is another wedding memory. My dance with my dad was to this song. He was surprised by my choice of song but it seemed fitting for us. I well up whenever I hear it and think of him.

Now that you realize what a delicate flower I am. Don’t judge me.

What song gets you sentimental?

The Nominees Are . . .

This is the Big Day. It’s like announcing the teams for the Super Bowl only it’s the Academy Awards. I have to say there were a few surprises and omissions but overall the Academy got it right. Either they got it right or I’ve slipped into the mindset of a 60-something Academy member. There were some hopeful nods to great performances in small movies. Solid actors added to their already distinguished list of nominations but you can’t knock their hustle. They’re simply exceptional.

Here’s the Diva’s take on today’s nominations (in the major categories) Keep in mind I’m not discussing who will win since I still have a lot of movie going ahead of me.

Best Picture: Babel, The Departed, Letters From Iwo Jima, Little Miss Sunshine, The Queen.

As much as I loved Little Miss Sunshine, I can’t help but feel it took another movie’s place. It’s a touching nod to a small film. I’m really surprised to see Dreamgirls missing from this list.

Actor: Leonardo DiCaprio, Blood Diamond ; Ryan Gosling, Half Nelson ; Peter O'Toole, Venus ; Will Smith, The Pursuit of Happyness ; Forest Whitaker, The Last King of Scotland.

I have to run out and see Half Nelson, if I can find it. I loved Gosling in The Believer. Amazing. Amazing. Smith has come a long way since the Fresh Prince but he seems to play the same righteous character in each film. I’d love to see him stretch and show diversity or an edge in another type of role.

Actress: Penelope Cruz, Volver ; Judi Dench, Notes on a Scandal ; Helen Mirren, The Queen ; Meryl Streep, The Devil Wears Prada ; Kate Winslet, Little Children.

This seems about right to me. The Winslet slot is a wild card. It could have been filled by Maggie Gyllenhaal,Toni Collette or Renee Zellweger.

Supporting Actor: Alan Arkin, L ittle Miss Sunshine ; Jackie Earle Haley, Little Children ; Djimon Hounsou, Blood Diamond ; Eddie Murphy, Dreamgirls ; Mark Wahlberg, The Departed.

Arkin was the obvious choice. It would have been nice to see Steve Carell recognized for his striking performance as the depressed gay scholar in Little Miss Sunshine. Nice work. Brad Pitt was robbed of a nomination in this category for his fragile turn as a distrught husband. And I’m not just saying that because I’d like to see his sexy ass in a tuxedo. Hounsou has turned in some noble and emotional performances. Not to mentions his sexy chocolate self. Just think. Marky Mark could win an Oscar. Feel the vibrations.

Supporting Actress: Adriana Barraza, Babel ; Cate Blanchett, Notes on a Scandal ; Abigail Breslin, Little Miss Sunshine ; Jennifer Hudson, Dreamgirls ; Rinko Kikuchi, Babel.

I told you guys to watch out for Kikuchi. She's a revelation in Babel. Little Abigail was a wonder. What a great honor for her. Once again, I think Collette would have been great in this spot also.

Directing: Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu, Babel ; Martin Scorsese, The Departed ; Clint Eastwood, Letters From Iwo Jima ; Stephen Frears, The Queen ; Paul Greengrass, United 93.

United 93. WTF!!!!! Is this the year the Raging Bull finally wins? We’ll see.

Original Song: I Need to Wake Up from An Inconvenient Truth, Melissa Etheridge; Listen from Dreamgirls, Henry Krieger, Scott Cutler and Anne Preven; Love You I Do from Dreamgirls, Henry Krieger and Siedah Garrett; Our Town from Cars, Randy Newman; Patience from Dreamgirls, Henry Krieger and Willie Reale.

Three Dreamgirls songs. Was that really necessary? We never even heard the entire song Patience and Love You I Do was a playful fill-in song. Hudson brought the spark to the song. Not the lyrics or words. The producers were smart to add new songs to the movie. They knew this could be their category. I guess there will be no Purple Rain at the Oscar broadcast. Bummer!

What is your reaction to the nominations? Who was left out?

I'm Bringing Crazy Back

I don’t know what it is lately but I’ve been deluged with craziness. I mean the sneaky insanity that’s in your everyday life. You recognize it yet it continues because it’s able to function on a daily basis. It started last weekend with Notes on a Scandal and went through last night’s episode of Desperate Housewives. (The wacky Alma is out of her mind but at least Bree now knows that upfront. Hopefully, unstable Alma isn’t pregnant.)

I watched an incredible documentary Saturday night on the History Channel on Jim Jones called Jonestown Paradise Lost. That's right I spend Saturday night watching a documentary. Glamorous isn't it? You know I have a fascination with cults. This disturbing documentary followed the last five days in the Jonestown compound and Jones’ descent into madness and eventual tragedy. You watch it like it’s a movie but it was reality. These were people’s family and children. Nearly 300 children were killed. Truly upsetting.

I was pleased to finally see some much-hyped movies that lived up to the hype. Notes on a Scandal is Single White Female with an bad-ass old British lady. Judi Dench plays upright and uptight spinster teacher Barbara Covett who takes a questionable interest in fellow educator Sheba Hart (Cate Blanchett). Sheba’s steamy relationship with a student sets the plot in motion. Notes on a Scandal is a moody look at suppressed emotions.

Dame Judi is phenomenal as the closeted and vengeful woman. She melts away into this drab and uniform character. She’s subtle and frightening at the same time. Her craziness is hidden under a veil of control. Spooky. She definitely deserves and Academy nod for this performance. She may lose to her fellow Brit but she should still be in the race.

Blanchett takes an interesting turn as a fragile new teacher plagued with low self-esteem and unfortunate decisions. Known for her portrayals of strong women, she was equally convincing as a flighty artist. Her Siouxsie and the Banshees meltdown is heartbreaking and beautifully acted. I loved the suspenseful quality of the movie. My audience was slightly amused by the Dame’s madness and muffled chuckles were heard at key parts in the movie.

Continuing the theme of insanity was The Last King of Scotland, which I saw yesterday. Thank God it received a wider release. I was young during Idi Amin’s reign over Uganda. I knew he was a horrible dictator but that was about it. This is an important historical film. It shows an accurate depiction of how tyrannical leaders take over countries and their people.

The film tells the story of a young Scottish doctor Nicholas Garrigan (James McAvoy) looking for adventure and purpose. He lands in a Ugandan medical clinic. A chance meeting with the newly installed president Idi Amin (Forest Whitaker) leads to his appointment as the dictator’s personal physician. What follows is mayhem and madness.

To say Whitaker inhabits the role is an understatement. His Idi Amin is a complex mixture of charisma, intelligence, and brutality. He shed light on why people would follow this guy not knowing what lays beneath the surface. There were several light-hearted moments, which show his quirks, like his fascination with Scotland. This was the role of a lifetime and he rose to the occasion. He’s definitely a frontrunner for the Oscar. Not much as been said about McAvoy who was splendid as the Scottish fish out of water. His naïve descent into dirty politics and violence was palpable. His escape from Uganda had you on the edge of your seat.

I usually get annoyed by movies about minorities that are told by the white man’s point of view but it worked in this case because the story was as much about Idi Amin as it was the people who came in contact with him and his terror. I never understood, for example, why a movie about Native Americans in the army has to be told from the point of view of the a white character. It’s like movie studios are saying a topic isn’t validated unless it is acknowledged by a white person. Look you made me get all Malcolm X on your asses.

The Last King of Scotland has vivid images of children in streets and the Americanized Holiday Inn lounge and Africans in kilts singing Scottish songs. The grainy quality and wide lapels reminded me of an blaxploitation film or an episode of the Streets of San Francisco or any other great 70s crime drama. The perpetual sweat on the actor's faces indicated how fucking sweltering it must be in Africa. The movie was unsettling at time but always absorbing.

What movies did you see this weekend?

Feuds R' Us

They're at it again. Those wacky celebs are engaging in public fights for the whole world to see. This time the Grey's Anatomy clan has reignited the age-old question of whether Isaiah Washington called T.R. Knight the F-word. Washington reinterated that he didn't call T.R. a "faggot" (his exact word) in the Golden Globe press room, which of course was televised throughout the word. Well, his words of denial started another shit storm and debate. Why would he say it again?

As always I see things from different sides. They need a very special episode of Grey's Anatomy that tells the story from three points of view-T.R.'s, Isaiah's and the truth because what I've heard so far doesn't make sense. What caused Washington to come to blows with Patrick Dempsey in the first place? It had to be more than the reported call time. If not, these small screen doctors take their job seriously. If Knight was late, how did he know that Washington referred to him as the F-word? Was the entire crew and cast there to hear the exchange? Or are they working off hear say? Either way this has become a cluster fuck.

My good friend JR came up with an idea for the show. They should write in a gay character in for a 2 or 3 episode run to have a confrontation with Dr. Preston. In other words, work this issue out on screen. First I have to say, why do we care what Washington says? If he used this word in front of the cast, everyone now knows he's a small man with limited vocabulary. He might be one of these people that thinks by using the F-word, it takes some of the power away. Like saying nigger instead of the N-word. Anyway, he sets no legislative or moral policy so why do we care that he might be homophobic. Shame on him but at the end of the day who cares what he thinks. The bigger problem is his use of it in the workplace and in the media. This is an issue that should have stayed in-house. He definitely needs to be reprimanded and possibly released.

Knight on the other hand has taken a righteous tone to the issue. He would have never come out publicly had this not gotten in the media. It's a shame that he had to be Lanced and thrown out of the closet. He says he was never called the F-word to his face before. Well, he's very fortunate because I'm sure many of his gay brothern face that word everyday. It's a shame but it's true. This could be a pivotal moment for him to come forward as an advocate. We'll see what he does with the opportunity.

What is your take on this feud? Do you care?

I Feel Like the Fifth Beatle

With American Idol in full swing, it seemed appropriate to talk about the show that will be taking over my life for the next months. Ratings were record-breaking for the first episode, which was no great surprise. I have to admit I don’t get a thrill by watching the preliminary auditions shows. It’s way too odd and embarrassing for all of the Britney-wannabees who have their dreams dashed. I can’t figure out if they hire people to perform these horrible acts or if they offer people an obscene amount of money to go off their meds because the bulk of these singers are a hot mess. These audition shows are a master class in marketing. I admire that.

I watch it when they get on the big stage and start eliminations to the final 12. That’s when the crème rises and I get excited (that sentence seems odd). Though, after watching two seasons on RockStar, I’ve become accustomed to watching concert quality performances. Not the high school vaudeville act that AI can be. It’s downright unnerving to watch some of these newbies struggle to eek a note out.

As a veteran AI judge (in my own mind, people), here are some helpful tips for the new crop of talent. At times I feel like the missing judge. I could replace ditzy Paula. I tell you I should run a business that grooms people for AI. Much like those people that become rich off preparing girls for pageants minus all the hairspray and fake tans.

Marketing is everything

You have to have an angle. Not a gimmick but you have to position yourself. Are you a little bit country or a little bit rock n’ roll? Pick your poison or Ryan Seacrest will do it for you. Knowing your style also makes it easier to select the music that right for your voice and vibe. The judges and the audience are looking for something they can market. One of the reasons I supported Ruben over Clay was because I could see him on MTV or in a video. Clay came around at the end but his geekiness was tough to counter.

You must bend or you’ll break

It’s important for contestants to be flexible. Theme weeks are there to trip you up but a flexible singer that knows their range and style can pick the perfect song for Country Week. The key to winning is showing range.

Under the Radar

The sneakiest finalists knew when to stay under the radar and when to pull out from the pack. It’s not necessarily a great thing to be the judge’s favorite in the beginning. It’s better to conserve your energy for those later weeks when people get sloppy and voters get tired on the same crap every week.

Consistency is a good thing

It’s imperative to be consistent week after week. That doesn’t mean the same every week. It means your level of work needs to rise to a certain level. Fantasia was a great example of maintaining a certain level of work. Some weeks were bad for her but she was consistently good. That wins out at the end.

Rock it!

Your top contestants understand that you need to perform like it might be your last chance. Some go into a complacent coma and Forrest Gump their way through this competition based on looks or fan base while others know when to take a chance. I have yet to see someone with such brilliant musicality that they can rearrange music or go acoustic on something. Bo did an AI first with an acapella number. Why more people haven’t done this is beyond me.

Know your voice

If I hear one more Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey, Celine Dion or Alicia Keys song murdered, I’ll go nuts. People don’t get that these songs are extremely difficult and only lead to comparisons. Just because My Heart Will Go On worked at your family reunion doesn’t mean that it’s good enough for AI. Stick to you Bonnie Raitt, Carly Simon, James Taylor or Sade songs that you can put your own touch on.

What is your advice for the AI hopefuls?

How exactly do you Wang Chung?

I’ve been watching a lot of VH1 lately and beyond the tragedy of Shooting Sizemore (I’ll it blog later) and the comedy of I Love New York (Is her mom really a man? Is she really greasing herself down with Vaseline in the opening sequence?), I’ve been watching their sister station VH1 Classic. Over the past weeks they’ve been counting down the top 100 Best Songs of the 80s and the Videos of the 80s.

Well, you know that kicked me into nostalgia gear. I consider myself an MTV baby. I remember when the network started and all the crappy videos they used to play but something happened in the mid-80s. Videos became little movies. We began to look beyond the talent and zoom into the looks and personalities of our music icons. Would Bon Jovi have sold so many albums if he wasn’t wearing those tight jeans or sporting over-processed blonde locks? But I digress. I don’t want to talk about how video killed the radio star. I want to talk about my picks for the best 80s videos.

Thriller-Michael Jackson

You know I had to have some Michael on this list. Any video that can show him on a date with a girl and get Vincent Price to say ‘terrorize yawls neighborhood’ deserves top status. This video was a mini-movie before all of the rappers decided they wanted to become the small screen version of Tony Montana in their videos. The dance sequence is unforgettable. I was torn between this and Beat It but Michael was far too effeminate to be near a gang even if they were performing in a West Side Story-esque video.

Nasty-Janet Jackson

What can I say,’My first name ain’t baby. It’s Janet. Ms. Jackson if you’re nasty.” What? You could not tell me that Janet was not the bomb in this video. She had her homey/choreographer Paula Abdul with her. Back when Paula was the Laker Girl with skills not the incoherent mess she is now (I’ll blog it later).

Black Coffee in Bed- The Squeeze

I liked the Squeeze but loved this video in particular because the object of desire is a black chick. Sure looking back he was having an affair with the black girl but in my teenage mind it was an exultation of Nubian beauty. Or something like that.

Hot For Teachers-Van Halen

This is one of the greatest videos ever made. Where else can you find miniature versions of David, Eddie and the boys? I don’t mean just look-alikes. These little Van Halens had the attitudes as well. Brilliant! And of course the gratuitous sex of the 80s video required the teachers to rip off their professional clothes and work the pole like L.A. strippers.

Wake Me Up Before You Go Go-Wham

Looking back on this video, I should have known there was the possibility that George Michael was gay. While Careless Whisper is one of my favorite songs ever, this is a better video. The bubbly sparkly nature of the videos sums up the decade. I had several over-sized shirts that commanded you to do something. Relax.

Like A Virgin-Madonna

I love a lot of her early songs more (Hoilday, Dress You Up, Into the Groove) but this video contains the iconic images that surrounded my junior high experiences. The lingerie, lion, gondola and lots of costume jewelry. Vintage Material Girl.

Hungry Like the Wolf- Duran Duran

Hello. My name is Diva and I’m a Duran Duran fan. All of the 80s videos were based more on style and mood rather than reality. Why else would these British pretty boys be in the middle of the jungle wearing designer white linen outfits and wrestling with a black woman? I like the ridiculous nature of the video.

Cruel Summer-Bananarama

I admired the ratty deconstructed art school quality of these girls. They weren’t great singers but their sense of style was of the moment. They were like the cool girls at school that always had the perfect height to their hair and earrings to match. The song also spoke to what little teenage angst my mother would let me own.

What are your top picks for best 80s video?

Look at My Golden Globes

The Golden Globes were full of surprises last night. I was able to have lunch with a friend, dinner with my in-laws and race home for the Globes and I wasn’t disappointed. The brilliant thing about the Globes is its ability to be short and concise. Despite going five minutes over, it’s always a more enjoyable ride than the Academy Awards though not as prestigious.

I was a bit peeved that the early winners were able to leisurely make their acceptance speeches but the winners at the end had to run through their speeches at break-neck speed. It was like the Oscars on crack at the end of the ceremony. I love that they matched presenters well with the best movie nominees. It was fitting that Charlie Sheen would introduce Bobby and Sarah Jessica Parker would introduce The Devil Wears Prada.

With that said, here are the Diva’s picks for Golden Globe highlights:

Best Acceptance Speech

I didn’t think I would have a best speech until Sacha Baron Cohen presented the funniest speech of the night. His long drawn out in too much detail story about his co-star’s ass and fart made me want to see Borat even more. I’m totally bummed I missed it. It was nice to see him out of character. This break of tradition will allow him to be taken seriously as a comedic actor and not just a publicity stunt.

Best Bed Head

There were a lot of contenders for this title but the award went to Sienna Miller. Her Heidi in a porno hairstyle was braided cute from the front and a raunchy mess in the back. Hugh Grant was a close runner-up. His choppy boy band hair was adorable had he been 25 years younger. Don’t get me wrong, I adore Hugh but he’s way too old for that hair.

Most Genuine Win

America Ferrera was truly stunned for her Best Actress win and she deserved it. Her speech proved there is a lot of Betty in her. Humility, humanity and inner beauty. It was nice to see the show win as well. The cast seemed flabbergasted.

Best Dressed

Two ladies with the best taste represented both ends of the age spectrum. Helen Mirren was radiant in a blue gown that hugged and lifted her breasts in the right way. She was sexy and age appropriate. Reese Witherspoon dismissed her 50s society clothes and sparkled in a youthful yellow number with scarlet shoes. Va va voom. You snooze you lose Ryan.

Biggest Surprise

Eddie Murphy couldn’t have been more surprised than I was to see him win. While he was great in Dreamgirls, I don’t know that his performance held up to the others in his category. However, it was nice to see his humble speech. Brad Pitt deserved the win.

Welcome to My Living Room

Jack Nicholson always lends an element of whimsy to an awards show. He sat back at his perfectly placed table and ran commentary all night long. And what was up with him and Diddy? At one point they were sitting side-by-side and laughing.

Hottest Couple

I have to go with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. They was a point at the end when Babel won that Angie lovingly stroked his head. Gotta love that but would love it more had it been me with Brad. Did I say that out loud? Kyra Sedgwick and Kevin Bacon were extremely clingy during the ceremony. They were like two baboons grooming each other but it was a loving moment when his eyes welled up during her acceptance speech.

Most Deserved Win

Babel deserved the honor. I wish their actors had won but it’s a great honor for the movie as a whole. I was also happy to see Alec Baldwin win for 30 Rock. He’s beyond funny on that show. If you haven’t seen it, check it out. The entire cast is exceptional. As always, Hugh Laurie was a knock out. Congrats to him.

Most Uncomfortable Ramble

I thought Warren Beatty was showing early signs of dementia with his speech. At times it was rambling, humorless, incoherent but always uncomfortable. It took him a long time to get to the point. Forrest Whitaker was another who had me worried. He’s going to have to pull it together by Oscar time because he’s going to pick up a statue.

Biggest Glasses

That there was even competition with Martin Scorsese in attendance was amazing but Bill Nighy would see the future with his enormous Mr. Magoo glasses. However, Scorsese edged him out with his tarantula eyebrows.

What was your favorite Golden Globes moment?

10 Reasons to Watch Armed & Famous

I was shocked and amazed to enjoy Armed & Famous so much. I laughed the entire hour. Take the name itself. Much like Dancing with the Stars and Skating with the Stars, A & F is liberal with the term famous. We’re not looking at Meryl Streep or Katie Couric become cops but it’s still fun. I’m partial to reality shows and Cops, so this puts two of my favorite genres together. It worked for one episode but could wear thin over time.

ABC’s A & F follows Erik Estrada, LaToya Jackson, Jack Osbourne, Jason “Wee Man” Acuna and Trish Stratus as they join the Muncie (Indiana) Police Department. The joy of the show is the fish-out-of-water element. I mean does LaToya really need a tablecloth at the Roadhouse-esque restaurant. The look of terror on the recruits’ faces when they realized they would have to perform all of the duties of real officers was funny and genuine.

With that said, here are 10 reasons to watch A & F:

Stun guns

The brilliance of using a stun gun in Indiana as a police officer is that you have to know what it feels like to be shocked in order use it legally. LaToya nearly fainted like actress in a 1950s melodrama complete with a little sigh as she slid gracefully to the floor.

Ponch

You will have a great drinking game if you take a shot every time Erik Estrada is called Ponch or touches his hair. In all fairness, he looks great for his age. A little bloated but still good. Even the 80-year-old drug-dealing granny with no teeth tried to pick him up during an arrest.

England Meets Midwest

Jack’s British accent and sensibilities are interesting. He didn’t seem so odd on The Osbournes but that was L.A. He just seems downright peculiar in Muncie.

The Buddy System

I pity the fool that got saddled with LaToya. Her police partner is a woman with much patience. LaToya wasn’t as bad as you think she’d be but she was playing with my nerves.

Van Wilder Lives

Watching Wee Man party with the local college kids instead of doing laundry with his fellow rookie cops was priceless. He rode the mechanical bull with cute blondes while Latoya tried to jam her dollar in machine that only accepted exact change at the laundromat.

Wrestlers Don’t Make the Best Counselors

It was a bit awkward watching WWE wrestler Trish try to counsel a woman that lost her house in a fire right before Christmas. It’s hard to take advice from a perfectly painted celebrity cop as you’re huddled on the sidewalk with your four kids, wearing your only change of clothes and many months pregnant. Her sunny philosophy might have missed its audience.

Celebrities with Guns

Terrifying and ridiculous. Turns out, Jack is an accomplished marksman and LaToya received a passing on her shooting test. Of course, this was after missing the target all together and nearly taking out two of the other recruits.

LaToya, LaToya and LaToya

She counts for three. Not only is she the most intriguing of the Jacksons, she’s also the most open with the public. It was bizarre to hear her call her brother Jackie and explain what she was doing. There was silence on the other end. It got even stranger as she named all of her siblings and told Jackie not to tell any of them. We grew up with these names Tito, Jermaine, Michael and Jan (Janet). Bizarre. She has this little girl voice. Her plastic surgery is so extreme, she looks like an alien. I’m not exaggerating. For all her family’s money, her hair looks eerily like a horsetail.

What do you think of A & F?

I Love Bitchy Men

He’s at it again. The infamous Mr. Blackwell has put out his worst dressed list for 2006. I’ve never understood why we care about his selections. Even when I worked at the tabloid, I had no idea who he was and why he deemed himself or we crowned him the fashion queen I mean king. In order to finally satisfy my curiosity, I decided to Wiki him. Wikipedia is my best friend. I turn to him for brief but comprehensive info on any person, topic or event. It’s through Wikipedia that I found out about bell jars, Bob Fosse, Rent, Scientology and Hell’s Kitchen making me the well rounded all knowing Diva I am today.

According to Wikipedia, Mr. Richard Blackwell is a fashion critic. After an unsuccessful career as an actor, Mr. Blackwell designed dresses for actresses including Jane Russell and Jayne Mansfield. He wrote his autobiography From Rags to Riches in 1995. OH! That’s it. I thought he was something fabulous before my time. I can’t knock his hustle too hard because he is deliciously bitchy when it comes to fashion. Take a look at his lists for the past 46 years.

Here’s his 2006 Worst Dressed list:

1. Paris Hilton and Britney Spears
2. Camilla Parker-Bowles
3. Lindsay Lohan
4. Christina Aguilera
5. Mariah Carey
6. Paula Abdul
7. Sharon Stone
8. Tori Spelling
9. Sandra Oh
10. Meryl Streep

I understand Britney as number one. Any tacky bitch that wears cut-off shorts with the pockets hanging through the bottom and bare feet while she has more than $100 in her bank account is ridiculous. I also agree with Camilla, Mariah, Paula and Sharon. But I think Christina isn’t nearly as diiirty as she used to be. Her Betty Boop phase is working out for her. Meryl is hit or miss but how can you find fault with the greatest actress of her generation. She may dress very Diva at the opera and matronly but she’s not tacky or inappropriate. Sandra is just too fashion forward for the masses. The press blasts her repeatedly but at least she’s not exposing her pantyless crotch. Paris and Lindsey made the list because they are annoying on so many other levels. Technically, they are okay but their private persona trumps any fashion savvy they may have. And Tori, is she even a celebrity?

Mr. Blackwell is missing a few people from his list:

The Olsen Twins

I guess they count as one since they seem to be this two-headed fashion victim. Their gaunt frames and Kewpie doll heads are swallowed up by overwhelming dresses, chunky platforms and ripped tights. Ugh!!

Janet Jackson

She had a great transformation in her body but her over-the-top body hugging outfits were horrible. Not to mention her drag queen looks. Sometimes less really is more. I feel bad saying this because I was a soldier in the Rhythm Nation but she missed the mark.

Pamela Anderson

Bombshell Pam is crossing over into Dolly Parton territory. The glorious thing about Dolly is that she realizes she’s tacky and cartoon-like. Pam hasn’t gotten the memo yet.

Who would make your Worst Dressed list?

Everything Doesn't Come Up Roses

Is it just me or are Rosie O’Donnell and Donald Trump the lamest people alive? Their childish tiff has made headlines and even become the source of a Gallop poll in USA Today. That’s what it has come to kids. Rosie shoots off her mouth, which isn’t unusual for her since she left her TV show and decided to embrace her sexuality publicly. I’m just surprised that he is so indignant about the attack.

What’s worse it the best he can come up with after being called a ‘snake oil salesman’ and ‘comb-over bunny’ (which is really funny by the way) is to call her a fat slob and degenerate. That’s it. You’re one of the great minds in American business and the best way you can express yourself after being attacked by a host of a morning show is to call her fat. FAT. I’m shocked at his limited vocabulary and imagination.

I would have at least called her an opportunistic windbag who loves to stir up controversy to advance her profile. I don’t know that I believe that or it’s 100% true but it’s better than FAT. Use your adult big boy words. I’m surprised he’s even bothered to join her public battle of the wits or in this case the witless. Why would such a public figure become so bothered by an inane comment? I figure either he’s extremely bored, has an acute case of PMS or feels like this is a battle he can win. Would he be this outraged and responsive if Bill Gates or Oprah Winfrey made the comments? Probably not.

Notice how I haven’t said much about Rosie. I don’t expect much from her. She’s a fun kooky character that has misplaced the filter that edits what floats around your brain and then comes out your mouth. Situations like this are unfortunate for the onlookers. If you have to be subjected to mud slinging let it at least be clever and malicious not juvenile and mundane. I have to side with Rosie on this. She had no business making the personal attack on the Donald but there was some thought and levity on her part. I’m Team Rosie all the way.

Who are you? Team Rosie or Team Trump?

100 Has Never Looked This Fierce

It’s my lucky 100th blog today. Feel free to send me notes of encouragement and anecdotes of how my blog has changed your life. I was planning a huge party with a big cake and loads of candles but couldn’t find a cake big enough. Just think. If I were a TV show, I could go into syndication, which would me more Diva. Sounds appealing doesn’t it? So what is the groundbreaking topic for my 100th blog? A rant on my inability to find great movies in my section of Miami.

This weekend was a bust as far as movie going was concerned. I’m running into a problem I haven’t had since I moved to Miami. I can’t find the movies I want to see in my local theater. Call me lazy but because I live in the south Miami-Dade I have to go across town in some instances driving 30-60 minutes or only have a couple of weeks to see the film. I’ve been repeatedly frustrated by theaters that have four screens of Happy Feet but no Volver or The Last King of Scotland.

It’s especially upsetting when you enter awards season. You read and hear about these great movies but it seems like no one gets to see them in a theater. I like to watch my nominated movies up front not on DVD months later or after the Academy Awards. Who the hell has seen Half Nelson? It’s getting great buzz but it’s impossible to find.

There used to be a day when I would drive all over the county looking for must-see movies. I saw Trainspotting at the dollar theater near Ft. Lauderdale. Remember those? I caught Priscilla Queen of the Desert at some out of the way cinema. As I get older and busier, it’s harder to plan a half day for a movie. Maybe that should be a New Year’s resolution.

Or maybe the movie studios need to realize that there is a real interest out here for art house, independent and critically acclaimed films. People outside of NYC and L.A. also love a good film. It may not be a money-making venture but if anyone can figure out how to bring more diverse films to different markets and turn a profit, it’s the studio bigwigs. It seems unfair and elitist to assume that Sundance movies or Oscar-nominated pictures are only for big city folks.

The average American enjoys these movies. I bet the majority of audiences want to be challenged. My mom constantly complains because of the limited selections in her town. She’ll have to drive to Cleveland or Pittsburgh (an hour plus to both cities) to see Dreamgirls. Magazines and TV shows tout these interesting movies that may never come to a theater near you and you’re lucky if Blockbuster carries one or two copies when they come to DVD.

Is it just me or do you run into this problem as well?

I'm Having a Rent Moment

I'm at it again. A friend gave me a copy of the Dreamgirls original Broadway cast CD and I can't stop listening to it. I'm becoming obsessed with 'One Night Only'. I love it when it goes all Donna Summers at the end. I feel like I should be at Studio 54 wearing Halston and platform shoes. Pray for me. This could last awhile. It's Rent all over again.

One thing is clear from this recording, Jennifer Hudson is no Jennifer Holliday. With all respect to Ms. Hudson (who is amazing in Dreamgirls the motion picture), Ms. Thang (Holliday) rips the lid off every song. She has a great softness to her voice that add unbelievable dimension to the sound of her voice and the meaning of the words. Gotta go! 'Move Out' is about to start!!

What's been your obsession lately?

The Divas of Opulence

Last night I watched the amusing new show The Knights of Prosperity, which chronicles janitor Eugene Gurkin’s (Donal Logue) quest for the Holy Grail. And by Holy Grail, I mean a butt load of money to open a bar. After 20 years of cleaning toilets and watching an elderly co-worker die, Eugene sets his sights on opening a Cheers-like bar but can’t find the funding. Then it comes to him. Rob Mick Jagger.

The set-up is hilarious with pockets of brilliance throughout the pilot episode. Logue sells the everyman image better than anyone. His rag-tag team of thieves is comical in looks alone. The clueless bandits have you rooting for them the entire time. It’s unclear how this sitcom will work over many episodes since the premise may get stale quick. However, it was a breathe of fresh air to see a new episode of anything.

The Knights made me think. If I were to piece together my Divas of Opulence, who would I rob? The Knights chose Mick based on his vapid appearance on a Cribs-esque show. Here are my picks:

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS A SPOOF. I WOULD NEVER PROMOTE THE IDEA OF BREAKING THE LAW OR STEALING FROM A CELEBRITY UNLESS THEY HAD WAY TOO MUCH MONEY TO NOTICE OR DIDN’T APPRECIATE THE LUXURY. ONCE AGAIN, JUST KIDDING.

Jennifer Lopez-Beyonce Knowles-Sarah Jessica Parker

This three-way tie is based on the fabulous shoe wardrobe. These bitches must have shoes for days. I don’t want their money or clothes but I’d give anything for their shoes. Shoes glorious shoes, watch me while I rock them.

TomKat

As much as he annoys me, I’d like to know what craziness is brewing in that house. He probably wouldn’t notice me there. If I were spotted, I’d distract him by expressing my interest in Scientology or Born on the Fourth of July. That should give me enough time to get away.

George Clooney

If I could swing the airfare to Italy, I’d crash his Lake Como pad. It’s a win-win situation. He probably wouldn’t be there so I’d have the house to myself as a vacation spot. If he were home, I’d get to see George Clooney in person before they haul my ass to jail. Works for me.

Yoko Ono

Don’t even know why she popped into my mind but she must be loaded. She probably has a bunch of memorabilia around. I’m not a big John Lennon fan but this could be the ultimate challenge.

What would be the name of your group and who would be your target?

Oops She Did It Again

New year, same tired celebrity stuff. I ran across the most pathetic article today in USA Today. Britney Spear's poor manager Larry Rudolph is trying to come to her rescue by explaining her latest disaster - the rumor that she collapsed in a Las Vegas nightclub on New Year's Eve. He says she simply fell asleep but according to onlookers she had to be carried out of the club. Not that I'm calling him a liar but if she fell asleep couldn't they wake her so she could walk out. I'm just sayin'. You hear these explanations but they don't seem to add up. Add this latest mishap to thefact that the World of Britney fansite is disbanding and things are not looking up in 2007.

He says she's aware her actions are irresponsible and fans are losing faith in her but she sees that as a challenge. What does that me?

I'm all for a girl getting her life together at 25 but Brit Brit has two small children and an estranged husband skalking the earth. Another rumor circulating is that she's going into rehab. She could be the latest to join the rehab club. She simply needs to grow up and realize that her life changed forever the moment she met KFed and had two children. There's no going back. Keep her ass at home with her children at least until the divorce is final. Pretend to be responsible. It's too bad she doesn't have a strong support staff to see her through this trying time.

What do you think of her manager's words?

Happy New Year Baby!

Happy New Year! Wishing you a bright 2007. Let us learn from this past year and make the new one fabulous. I ushered in the New Year with my husband’s family in dazzling Port St. Lucie. Okay, I’m being sarcastic but I had a good time. I got my salsa (dancing not food) on until four in the morning. Good God, my body is still recovering.

I’ve already learned something about myself in 2007. I LOVE the Style channel. I just got it on Direct TV. I have every premium movie channel including like six HBOs but didn’t get Style. What is that? I spent most of New Years Day in bed watching How Do I Look? If you haven’t seen this show, you must. It’s like What Not to Wear minus the style experts Stacey and Clinton. Instead you insert your mother or other family member who nominated you for the show. It’s a bit more bitchy, which may be some of the appeal. Though, it’s always fun to watch the ugly duckling shed her fashion-challenged ways.

They also have something called a Style Nightcap, which consists on a 30-second montage of heavenly creations. Seriously, the Nightcap could consist of shiny happy pink odds and ends. I’m like a circus monkey easily distracted by pretty baubles. Just when you think Lifetime or We has cornered the market on women. Style takes it to another level.

With my New Year headed in new directions with new interests, I’ve decided to have a moment of reflection. What do I want to accomplish in 2007? I’d call them resolutions but there’s so much pressure behind the word resolution. I’ll call them ‘things I’d like to do but won’t be too disappointed if I don’t do them.’

Hit the Road Jack

I’d like to do more traveling. The Diva needs to hit the open road and try new destinations. I’m looking to go places I’ve never been before. I’d even try exotic locales like Peoria and Wilkes-Barre. Never been there but willing to try it.

Did I turn the iron off?

Live in the moment. I have a bad habit of always being one to two steps ahead of myself, which makes it virtually impossible to thoroughly enjoy something. I’m gonna kick it into fourth gear and coast in the present.

Habla Espanol

I’ve made great strides in my Spanish and want to continue in 2007. Spanglish isn’t hittin’ it anymore. I hope to someday be fluent enough to ask Antonio Banderas what happened to Melanie’s lips.

Take My Life and Enjoy It

Which means (look out world), more shopping for great sales, walking in the great winter Florida weather, snacking on salty butter drenched popcorn during my movies and loving myself, husband, family and friends stronger.

What are some of your ‘resolutions’?