Open Letter to American Idol Voters

After last night’s American Idol injustice, I’ve drafted an open letter to all of those haters who are keeping the dream (Sanjaya) alive. It reads:

Dear American Idols Voters,

I GET IT!!! While supposedly a singing/talent contest, American Idol is really a popularity contest. I GET IT !!! It reminds you of that bubbly cheerleader/cute honor student/mean girl who made fun of your unfashionable glasses/big googly eyes/name. The girl/bitch or guy/dickhead who made your life impossible or made your self-esteem plummet so far you didn’t attend homecoming/prom/class reunion. I GET IT!!! Pop singers are highly overpaid marginal singers/slinky dancers/pimped out MTV products. I GET IT!!! You’re disgruntled/underpaid/underappreciated and want to make a statement/stick it to the man/prove that you are right. MESSAGE RECEIVED!

However, it’s ONLY a talent contest. GET OVER IT. Through all of this incessant bullshit and media hype surrounding the movement to vote for the worst, was there ever a thought for the ramifications for 17-year-old Sanjaya. This poor fragile awkward kid has to come back week after week and warble to snickers. While it shows a lot of courage in his perseverance, it seems to be taking its toll on him personally. Every week he seems to be sinking further and further. Not to mention the scathing reviews and criticism flying his way.

So congratulations. In your perverse quest to rig a talent competition, you are making a mockery of an innocent teenage boy. Way to go. You must be so proud. But here’s the kicker. American Idol producers will NEVER allow Sanjaya to win because that would be the end of the show. Gone. No more sexual ambiguity with Ryan Seacrest. No more tight knit sweaters for Simon Cowell. Paula Abdul would have to pick up her pom poms and become a Laker Girl while Randy Jackson would have to call one of those names he keeps dropping. Keeping Sanjaya on the show is a ratings ploy that keeps the calls coming in and message boards buzzing. I wouldn’t be surprised if Vote For the Worst was the idea of the crafty AI producers and creators. I’m just throwing it out there. Not to mention there was genuine talent to come off the show. It may not be your cup of tea but millions of Americans are buying CDs and going along for the ride.

So, to you voters. Get over yourself. Turn the channel. Get a hobby and let Sanjaya go home.

Sincerely,

Pop Culture Diva

Can I get an amen?

American Idol Power Outage

The energy was extremely low on American Idol last night but the tunes were hot. Guest mentor Gwen Stefani brought the heat with her unique musical selections. The theme was No Doubt, Stefani’s solo music and her other inspirations, which included The Cure, The Police and Donna Summers. The songs were a vibrant selection from a modern songbook. Unfortunately, the young performers didn’t bring much energy or youth to the songs. The Idols need to start listening to the mentors as they talk about oversinging and the economy of runs and excessive beat boxing.

The AI stylists must enjoy playing little tricks on the contestants because they looked like ahot mess. Sanjaya caught the brunt of the most vicious joke with his ridiculous faux-hawk. Boots were made for walking as most of the girls sported a pair. Poor Jordin wore a circle skirt that made her look 10 pounds heavier through the hips and Melinda looked like a cast member of The Brady Bunch: A Musical.

Here’s a low down on the night’s performances:

LaKisha-Last Dance

The girl has a voice but was lackluster with the Donna Summers disco ditty. She didn’t bring anything new to the vocals but her strong voice and consistent performances should keep her in the running another week.

Chris S.-Every Little Thing She Does is Magic

Not my favorite Police song but still a classic. He was proficient but where is the spunky alternative popster with quirky song choices. I think the stress is working him over. He may actually be the first AI finalist to gain weight. Homey was ahead of the music. Is he the rare singer without rythmn?

Gina-I’ll stand By You

I thought she gave the vocal of the night. If she could bring that emotion and intensity every week, she’d be a strong contender. I love the fragility of her voice. Exceptional. She needed this performance.

Sanjaya-Bath Water

Between the ridiculous hair, weak vocals and blank stare, I was underwhelmed. He’s just given up and stopped trying. I know I gave up three weeks ago.

Haley-True Colors

Poor girl. After baring her body last week, she did a 180 and went back to her pageant form. Her vocals were uninspired and her hairpiece looked like it belonged to a Connecticut soccer mom.

Phil-Every Breath You Take

Why did the creepiest guy in the competition perform the creepiest stalker song? I’m just glad he covered his shiny head. The performance was softer than usual therefore making it pleasant and less forced.

Melinda-Heaven Knows

This is one of my favorite Donna Summers tunes. I wish she had picked a No Doubt song to flex her rock muscle but she played it save. What is there to say about this girl? Even on a ho hum song, she’s articulate, emotional and fun to watch.

Blake-Love Song

I adore this Cure song. I appreciated Gwen’s honesty in stating that he needs to be careful with the beat boxing. He took it out and it was much better but highlights the fact that his vocals are weak. He needs to prove that he can really sing. He just feels like a random person trying to get into showbiz and not a dedicated singer. I think he’d much rather be an actor. I don’t feel his passion for music.

Jordin-Hey Baby

This was a tough song but she tried to work it out. She didn’t quite nail it but at least the words were coherent, which is tough on a song like this. Her spunk and gumption will keep her in there another week. She should have picked I’m Just a Girl. I’m surprised none of the girls selected it.

Chris R-Don’t Speak

I liked his R&B tinged version. He just looks so unsure and awkward. If he had a boost of confidence, he would miss the bottom three. Unfortunately, he may not get the opportunity to achieve that growth.

I think the bottom three will be Sanjaya, Chris R. and Haley.

What do you think?

Tuesday Musings

With so much swirling around in the news, I thought it would be the perfect day for random thoughts. From the headlines, through my brain and on this page. Here are my Tuesday Musings:

Just Say No

I know people do drugs but how did Anna Nicole Smith manage to hold her head up with the boatload of drugs coursing through here veins. Nine drugs. Read about it here. Sweet Jesus!! No wonder she looked like Weekend at Bernie’s with Howard K. Stern playing the Andrew McCarthy role. I’m appalled that she was surrounded by people that allowed this to happen. No one looked out for her. And Howard can play the innocent role but he facilitated the entire event. Instead of insisting that she seek genuine medical intervention, he took her to the Seminole Hard Rock in Florida.

This is the man who said he loved her and fathered her baby. Why didn’t he try harder? You can’t tell me that Howard wasn’t the one injecting her in the butt. If he wasn’t, he still knew it was going on. Shame on him. It’s understandable that she was in tremendous emotional distress but nine drugs in your system. Now this was a women who could have benefited from the new rehab trend. Now Howard has custody of a baby. Diabolical. He was also present when Anna’s son Daniel died in the same tragic manner. Pathetic. Sad. Unfortunate. Tragic.

The media whore that he is, I’d like to see him explain his way out of this on Oprah.

Leg Watch: Week Two

Dammit! It won’t pop off. I’m starting to feel duped. Heather Mills was actually good last night on Dancing With the Stars. She still looked like an evil troll and the outfit was a ball if spandex confusion. I’m not a big fan of Paul McCartney but I have to admit there is something preventing me from connecting with his soon to be ex. Despite her off stage drama, I can’t say it enough but it takes a whole lot of balls to appear on the show during this turbulent episode in her life and tote around her designer prosthetic. Her mambo was leagues above the tight-assed versions by perky Leeza Gibbons and still gorgeous Paula Porizkova but not as smoldering as Laila Ali.

Go Sit Down Somewhere

Brit Brit made it out of rehab in one piece but couldn’t resist the temptation to hit the stores for some retail therapy and dinner. Not for nothing but what’s the point of having these huge fancy sprawling fortress homes if you can’t enjoy them. I don’t understand why she can’t chill out for a week or two and have the party come to her. She has enough money that she can have any food or service delivered to her house. She can also shop online or have a stylist bring pieces to her house. She needs to stay underground for a decent amount of time. Go sit down somewhere.

What are you thinking about today?

Red Heads, Rabbit Feet and other Annoyances

I had an interesting weekend of movies. One with a phenomenal performance and another that deprived me of 90 minutes of my life that I will never get back. I was able to finally see Half Nelson. It was on my Netflix list when it was in theaters. I’ve been a fan of Ryan Gosling since The Believer (Great film. See it) but I wanted to see what gave this budding thespian his first Oscar nod.

Half Nelson tells the story of young educator Dan Dunne (Gosling) as he navigates his drug addiction while motivating inner city kids through his history classes. He forges a friendship with one of his students Drey (Shareeka Epps) after she finds him hittin’ the pipe. Drey is coming to terms with losing her brother to the prison system while his drug dealing friend Frank (Anthony Mackie) tries taking over a brother-like role.

The film is masterful in setting tone and showing the daily lives of these characters. In true independent style, this movie moves at a meandering pace. Kinda like a French movie. You just sit and wait to see where the film takes you. Half Nelson lacks that artificial feeling where the plot drives the character’s actions without cause. The film is soley about Gosling’s performance, charisma and chemistry with his young actors.

He is such an expressive emotional actor. His character was bombed throughout the movie yet he pulled it together for his class. It makes you wonder how many addicts exist on this level. He managed to express this teacher’s joy, inspiration and anguish through a drug-induced haze. Brilliant! There were several scenes that broke my heart with their fragility. Two involved Drey finding Dan high while the other was a torturous trip to Dan’s parent’s wine soaked house.

Epps was outstanding as a junior high student trying to overcome her surroundings. Here foray into the drug culture was tense. She has a real freshness that comes with an acting debut. I enjoyed their interactions. I truly believed this is what a friendship would be like between a young teacher and student. Overall the movie was an in depth look at unlikely friendships and drug addiction. It seemed to be about 10 minutes too long but kept me involved.

I wish the same could be said for the 2006 Lindsey Lohan vehicle Just My Luck. Yes, I watched this 80s-style rip off on Cinemax. Don’t judge me. I like to think I’m diverse in my film selections. All I can say is that this movie was ridiculous from the first scene of Ashley Albright (Lohan) having such great luck that she doesn’t require an umbrella. As her public relations agency boss was stuck in an elevator, lucky Ashley successfully pitched the high-powered record exec. Yeah right. To make things sillier, she is given an office and company credit card. Meanwhile, we meet unlucky Jake Hardin (Chris Pine). This poor guy is so unfortunate that when he finds a five dollar bill it’s smeared with dog poop. Yuck! A chance meeting and kiss reverses their luck.

I’m usually down with the teeny bopper fantasy flicks but this movie didn’t work on several levels. For someone who doesn’t believe in luck, she spends a big chunk of the movies trying to get her mojo back. I also love that making the hunky guy wear big glasses and a huge backpack makes him Urkel. I could see his hotness through the dated frames.

It’s hard to imagine this is the same girl that was in Mean Girls. It’s an uninspired movie and acting. I know you’re supposed to suspend your belief in movies like this but it was close to impossible.

What did you see this weekend?

What is this man doing?

Click on the link above. He’s playing an air guitar. In fact, he is an air guitar Hall of Famer. I had read for years that there is a National Air Guitar Championship but until you see the pictures, it doesn’t seem real. Real peculiar. I’m not hear to knock their hustle or “sport” but this is so bizarre, I had to look up their website. They even have their own gear.

If there is an Air Guitar Championship, there must be a competition for everything. Where are the competitions for my talents? The International Taco Bell Munching Championship or the National Eye Rolling and Sassy Hand on the Hip Competition. I could be a Hall of Famer in the Sarcasm Olympics. I know this is great fun and I’ve been known to play a mean air keyboard but would I dress up with a Hello Kitty breastplate and bare my soul. Not really. But you have to admire the abandon and passion of these competitors. Check them out here.

What championship would be home to your special talents?

Sell it! Dammit!!

Another night of American Idol, another night of lackluster performances. Don’t get me wrong there was more fire last night but unfortunately it was a slow burning ember. Some contestants still haven’t been able to shake their nerves and perform up to their potential. Unfortunately, for those singers they are being out sung by those who are thriving. The real test of the next weeks is who can mix up their act and who we will grow tired of after several weeks.

The budding Idols tackled the British Invasion, which I thought was genius. This was a genre never approached before. The songs are timeless and simple. You can try your runs and vocal gymnastics on them but it is pointless. Peter Noone and Lulu were comforting and helpful in their coaching. The singers would be smart to listen to their advice. Every week they are told to interpret the song. Know what it means and convince the audience that they believe it. Sell it.

Here’s a recap:

Haley Scarnato-Tell Him

Haley totally sold the song with a little pep in her step, hot pants, high heels and a backless top. She found her confidence and personality. She finally sang like she deserved to be in the competition. It was just unfortunate that she had to sing first but her leggy action will keep the young boys voting.

Chris Richardson-Don’t Let the Sun Get You Crying

He tries and he tries but I don’t think he has the chops to continue for much longer. This song was great at showcasing his voice. He cut down on the runs and just sang. However, the night showcased him as one of the weaker vocalists. At the end he went for a sexy look but instead looked like he had just eaten some rancid Taco Bell. His charm will keep him around but he’ll have to distinguish himself from the other Justin Timberlake wannabe.

Stephanie Edwards-You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me

This is a haunting song that at least one Idol in training attempts each season. Stephanie was stripped of her energy and phoned in this breathy and weak vocal. Her Beyonce spin didn’t work this time. She needs to return to her soulful vibe.

Blake Lewis-Time of the Season

His whole Rerun from What’s Happening meets Jamiraqui is irritating and starting to seem less original every week. Yes he successfully updated the tune. Impressive. But the constant moonwalking and beat boxing is trying. Strip all the dancing and sound effects and you have a thin voice that lacks tone. Would you buy an album entirely engulfed in beat boxing? Not if it isn’t 1985 and Dougie Fresh isn’t on the mic.

LaKisha Jones-Diamonds Are Forever

I thought this was an interesting choice for her that showcased her range and flexibility. The dress was figure flattering and vibrant. I loved the campy drag queen quality. I thought it was refreshing. The over the top hand waving at the end was fantastic.

Phil Stacey-Tobacco Road

Poor fella looks too much like a vampire or some other mythical creature. His manic performance was unsettling. The song’s energy met his but I felt his voice was unsuited for the challenge. He reminded me of the guy who played Jennifer Anniston’s brother in The Break Up. I keep waiting for him to break into Owner of the Lonely Heart.

Jordin Sparks-I Who Have Nothing

She gave the performance of the night. It was moody and torch-like. I loved her hair and dress. Here’s a perfect example of someone who inhabited the song. The words were simple, the voice was clear. Perfection.

Sanjaya Malakar-You Really Got Me

Finally the timid mouse woke from his slumber. He was still soft spoken and pitchy but at least we knew he had a pulse. This is what we were waiting for. He’s still way too green for the show but at least he didn’t get laughed off the stage.

Sidebar: Unhinged crying girl’s parents need to get her help. She was too unstable and overstimulated for it to be cute.

Gina Glocksen-Paint It Black

She tried hard but she is too unpredictable to make it in the long run. It was better than last week but she still seemed to be holding back. It’s the freaking Rolling Stones. It’s all about attitude and swagger. Both were in short demand. At one point she broke into the 80s dance and looked like one of the Go Gos. J brought up a hilarious point that as she’s yelling Black! Black! They are showing the African-American drummer wailing away.

Chris Sligh-She’s Not There

I like this guy but I think nerves are picking him apart. He’s moving away from his alternative pop persona and heading towards boring drone. He spent too much time navigating the audience without interaction and less time on conveying the message of the song.

Melinda Doolittle-As Long As He Needs Me

Now this girl can sell a song. I loved her conviction and interpretation of the song. I appreciate that you can always understand the lyrics. Bravo.

Sanjaya, Phil and Chris Richarson will be the bottom three.

What did you think?

The Matter of the Pesky Leg

Ah! Will the leg fly off? That was the big question last night on the season opener of Dancing with the Stars. First the use of “stars” is suspect considering no one knows Heather Mills outside of the UK besides Beatles groupies and tabloid junkies like myself but that didn’t stop us from camping out in front of the TV on leg watch Week 1. The producers were brilliant to keep her next to last because I wasn’t movin’ until she danced.

DWTS is that surprise hit. Who knew ballroom dancing with a bunch of Z-list actors, singers, assorted pop culture misfits and retired athletes would be a ratings goldmine? I adore watching people learn a new art form especially celebrities. It takes a lot of guts to put yourself in ruffled shirts, spandex pants and dresses with slits up to your tonsils.

Here’s a rundown on the stars and their happy feet:

The Front Runners

Every season has its share of likable dancers. Laila Ali seems to truly float like a butterfly and keep her arrogant partner in check. She’s gorgeous, sexy and a real sized woman. Joey Fatone has the most personality and you know that will get you votes. All the years as a boybander has left him with great rhythm and amazing showmanship. The soul patch and bandana of Apolo Anton Ohno survived another Olympic season. Pairing him with an 18-year-old Christina Aguilera look-a-like could be challenging- for them to keep their hands off each other. Plus he’s still training for upcoming speed skating competitions.

The Leg

I’m not trying to be mean but Heather Mills looked like a creature out of the Harry Potter book and her outfit was hideous in color and design. And they need to stop calling her a charity campaigner. What the hell is that? Call her an activist or fundraiser. With that said, I give her immense respect for attempting this especially with her in the middle of an ugly divorce. Oh, and having the fake leg.

The Aged

Entertainment reporter Leeza Gibbons is charming in her bubbly beauty pageant ways. She can smile through anything but I thought she was going to well up when they blasted her dance steps. Actor John Ratzenberger filled in at the last minute and pulled off a pretty good cha cha for only having two weeks training. He looked like a dancing panda at a wedding.

The Challenged

Former Miss USA Shandi Finnessey is cute but hardly striking or even mildly interesting and she’s saddled with the youngest male dancer who seems to be hopped up on pixie sticks and Mountain Dew. Country crooner Billy Ray Cyrus nearly scalped his partner while stripping her of her wig. The good news is he looks great devoid of his mullet and is acting and recording music. The bad news is we have to watch him drag his heavy legs across the dance floor. It’s painful but he has an affable sense of humor.

The Others

Supermodel and rocker wife Paulina Porizkova looks stunning. She has absolutely no accent now and is trying like hell to distinguish herself in this competition. Ian Ziering still has too much 90210 Steve in him to be compelling for me. He gave a valiant first time effort and I imagine he will get better with time but will his cocky TV character come back to haunt him.

The Smiling Underdog

Clyde “The Glide “Drexler is this year’s underdog. He will be the one to root for and athletes always do well on this show. He has a sweet nature and takes his training seriously but his gangly frame may be too much to compensate.

Who are you rooting for?

Samuel and His Amazing Technicolor Wigs

The Departed and Borat are still collecting dust at my house. You can now add Half Nelson to that list but I suspect I’ll have watched that by the end of the week. I went to the movies for the second week in a row. Watch out now! Back in my heyday, I went to the movie theatre two times every weekend. Due to time constraints, I’m a lot more select about what I see.

Black Snake Moan was my choice yesterday. Brought to us by the writer/director of Hustle & Flow Craig Brewer, BSM tells the story of Lazarus (Samuel L. Jackson), a reclusive farmer and retired bluesman who is reeling from his wife leaving him. A parallel story is told of the emotionally fragile Rae (Christina Ricci) whose boyfriend Ronnie (Justin Timberlake) has just left for the National Guard. Ronnie’s departure leads Rae back into her old role as the town slut, a role that leaves her beaten up and half naked near Lazarus’ remote home. There is no great surprise that Lazarus chains Rae to his radiator to cure her evil sinful ways but what follows is great storytelling and human nature.

The profound thing about this film is Jackson and Ricci who both disappear into their characters. This wouldn’t have worked with Will Smith or Scarlett Johansson. They simply don’t inhabit their roles completely enough to make this believable. Watching Jackson is like viewing a master class on acting. It’s fun to see what wigs he will wear and how they connect to the character. This time around he went for Grady-chic just like Fred Sanford’s crusty sidekick. Ricci breathes life and humanity into the girl from the wrong side of the tracks that faces her abusive past through sexual encounters.

The other great thing about the film is the sultry hot southern location. The south lends itself to colorful characters with eccentric habits. It’s a nice escape from the usual slick polished characters and plots of most blockbuster films. The plot exists on a realistic plane with the support of the always-stellar S. Epatha Merkerson as the sweet pharmacist with a liking for Lazarus. I enjoyed John Cothran Jr. as the town minister and Lazaro’s childhood buddy Reverend R.L. I liked his practical religious take on Rae’s situation. He acts as confidant and counselor to several characters in the film. Hell, Timberlake held his own in this movie. Granted much of the role called for him to be in some state of anxiety but he did it convincingly. I didn’t snicker once while he was on screen.

The soundtrack was absolutely haunting. The old school blues set the tone and understanding the characters. Lovely. the ending was a little too packaged for me but at least the characters weren't completely changed. I appreciate that the movie didn’t take the convenient route of making them lovers. It reminded me of other excellent films that brought lonely people together under extraordinary circumstances like Monster’s Ball and Lost in Translation. Loneliness has a way of bonding unlikely people.

What did you see this weekend?

Who made your Top 3?

Lately, I’ve been on a classic rock jag. I listen a radio station that fills my need for earthy 70s rock and other staples. I’ve really been feeling Bad Company and Foreigner. With that said, a local deejay is compiling a list of the most over-hyped rock bands/singers or the most underrated. I immediately thought of Pink Floyd and Judas Priest as overrated and Journey and Heart as underrated. I was intrigued by the idea.

Then it came to me. Why not apply this to actors? You already know my theory about movie stars vs. actors and the invention of the funky hybrid. This is an important question. The Hollywood star-making machine is a strong adversary. It can make movie stars out of anyone. People are stripped of their real names, dyed to perfection, molded into a matinee idol and plucked into an important film with major film stars.

Here are my picks for overrated actors:

Jennifer Anniston

No surprises here. I just don’t get he appeal. She’s not especially gifted as an actor or transcendent in her beauty. I don’t understand why she continues to get film work. She was bearable on the little screen but is dwarfed in motion pictures.

Tom Cruise

You know he is the bee in my bonnet. He plays the same character in every movie. The cocky guy who goes through something traumatic and is humbled and changed by the experience. With the exception of Magnolia, he is hyped beyond belief.

Lindsey Lohan

Does this girl even act anymore? I liked Mean Girls and thought her performance showed great promise but her private life has overshadowed her acting career, which is a waste. Young girls need someone to look up to. Who in the young guard is going to inspire teenage girls?


These actors are totally underrated:

Hugh Laurie

He is so unbelievably good in House. He’s crafted a complex character that could have easily been unlikable but you love him. He’s the Archie Bunker for the new millennium. While considered a drama, House plays like a comedy. He flirts with comedy and drama while outlining an original character.

Rachel McAdams

This starlet is definitely on the rise. She has that likable quality that makes her feel like your best friend. Kinda like a young Meg Ryan or Julia Roberts. The chemistry with her male co-stars in undeniable. Her beau Ryan Gosling is another underrated soul though his Oscar nom gives him more cred.

Maggie Gyllenhaal

She’s a cult favorite but has yet to really make it into mainstream movies and maybe that’s a blessing. Rumor has it she’ll fill the Katie Holmes void in the next Batman movie. She brings a grit and intelligence to her roles. I admire that indie streak that keeps her interesting. I also dig her partner Peter Sarsgaard.

Who do you think are the top 3 overrated and underrated actors?

Meow

Boy, I really must have too much time on my hands because I’ve watched the Search the Next Doll. I literally Forrest Gumped my way into watching it twice. The first time was Sunday evening. I flipped the channel, ran into it and just continued to watch. All the bright colors, big air and thumpin’ music kept me transfixed. I’d like to say it’s a lot like America’s Next Top Model but it’s a watered down version at best.

First, who are the Pussycat Dolls? Tarted up Spice Girls without distinct personalities. There is no Baby or Scary. They are a vamped up version of a standard girl group if Hugh Hefner were to put them together. Don’t get me wrong. Their songs are catchy and I liked a few Spice Girl ditties. Don’t You Wish Your Girlfriend Was Hot Like Me is brilliant and I’ve been known to do a mean car dance to Buttons but they are not exactly Simon & Garfunkel taking music into new territory.

To hear the PCD creator pontificate you’d think they have revolutionized pop music. I’m not knocking their hustle but let’s put this in perspective before they get all Madonna on us. They are sexy girls with limited talent that warble funked up pop songs. I’m slightly scared of the contestant’s admiration for the group, which borders on fanaticism. An 18-year-old is too green for these grinding divas yet there are a few young ones up to the task. Their parents must be so proud since college doesn’t seem to be an option.

The opening show highlighted the wannabes struggle to make the final 9. Unfortunately, a stomach virus ripped through the kitten’s lair forcing half of the girls to be in various states of vomiting. When did it become acceptable or desirable to see people puke on television? It’s nasty. Isn’t that why you usually turn away or close your eyes when a friend throws up after a long night of partying? Really!! Apparently, a PCD has to do a show regardless of uncontrollable stomach spasms, vomiting and dehydration. Girls were bumping and grinding in between turns at the IV.

The Search for the Next PCD works a lot like ANTM in that pretty girls realize that being pretty isn’t enough. Gotta love that. The best part is when the girls perform at the end of the episode. Then you find out who’s full of shit and who rocks. Imagine the feeling after being told that you’re not classy enough for the PCD. These are women that perform in lingerie. Ouch!

I can pretty much take this or leave it. It’s obviously a shameless marketing tool but if by chance it’s on my screen I’ll end up watching it again. I’m so weak.

Have you been watching? Fess us and tell me what you think?

The Dirty Dozen

Last night was a hot mess on American Idol. I will say that the final 12 are a unique blend of talent and no talent. However, at this point there is no excuse for forgetting the words to your songs. The finalists had the challenge of a lifetime in bringing Diana Ross songs to life. I especially give credit to the men for finding anything in her music book. She was extremely pleasant and mother hen-like to the singers but I did notice that they all called her Ms. Ross. Some did look her in the eye. Diana, I mean Ms. Ross must have mellowed over the years.

The judges have been amazingly honest and on point this season- even Paula. Despite her teary tirade following Melinda Doolittle’s performance, she has been much more in tune to technique. Simon as always has been honest. Randy has chilled out and now leans more toward Simon in thought.

Here’s my take on last night’s performances:

Brandon Rogers

This guy is so unremarkable I’m appalled. I think there is more talent in him but he fades in the crowd. Who forgets the word to You Can’t Hurry Love? He also has an annoying habit of smiling during every song. Happy or sad he’s smiling. He doesn’t connect with the words therefore he doesn’t connect with the audience.

Melinda Doolittle

Clearly the most expressive and diverse vocalist in this competition. I’m always surprised that more people don’t perform Home. When it’s done right, you get chills at the end. I got chills. I just hope voters remember this is a singing contest. I’m afraid she’ll be cast aside because she’s not a conventional beauty and looks old for her age. If you took her voice, Haley Scarnato’s body and Jordin Sparks energy, you’d have the dream contestant.

Chris Sligh

The Jack Osbourne clone made the mistake of re-working Endless Love into a Coldplay-esque tune. I appreciate the effort but he took the tenderness and meaning out of the song. If a song is truly great, you don’t have to rearrange the melody. It stands up on its’ own and your personal vocals help brand it not the music. He horribly missed the mark.

Gina Glocksen

I like the rocker chick. I hope she sticks around. She was one of the better singers of the evening but she missed the meaning in the song Love Child. She should have turned into the girl from the wrong side of the tracks and made the song grittier. Dirty.

Sanjaya Malakaar

Every year some unfortunate teenager is kept on longer than his talent and our ears can endure. This year, it’s Sanjaya. I can’t seem to get beyond his tiny frame and ever-changing locks. His voice is so frail you can barely hear it. His performance lacks energy and sucks the air out of the room. His rendition of Ain’t No Mountain High Enough made him look like reject from Sister Act II.

Haley Scarnato

Homegirl tried her best but managed to bungle the words to Missing You. On the parts she remembered, she had nice tone. She took her lumps like a pro. Simon was incredibly gentle with her by saying she wasn’t that bad and showed promise. It was painful watching her try to hold back tears.

Phil Stacey

This boy needs to grow hair. Whoever told him he rocks the Spock look, lied to him. His shiny forehead is distracting. His performance of I’m Gonna Make You Love Me was standard but he yells in order to get certain notes out. He’ll stick around another week.

LaKisha Jones

Kiki took the high road this week and delivered an awesome nuanced performance of God Bless the Child. I think she should have used the mic stand but that’s just me. She toned down her hair, clothes and big voice. She realized that the biggest voice doesn’t always win. Look at JHud. It’s nice to hear her voice show great range and inflection. Though, I have to say her weave looks like it’s made of plastic. Three things to spend the money on – ketchup, plastic surgery and a weave. Amen.

Blake Lewis

We get it. You Beat Box and Pop and Lock. Give us a freakin’ break. His manic stage presence doesn’t even create the needed energy to sell his songs. His rearranged Set Me Free was unnecessary. I once again appreciate the effort but adding extra beats doesn’t really make it a re-arrangement.

Stephanie Edwards

She attempted a tepid version of Love Hangover. She needs to stop the Beyonce runs and develop her own style. She missed the essence of the song, which is breathy and sexy. Plus all the fun is in the disco break where she could have danced and did some fun runs and ad-libs. She oversang the song.

Chris Richardson

You know I love me some Justin Timberlake but he has created a legion of funky white boys that want to bring SexyBack. The Boss could have been a spunky vibrant anthem but instead was riddled with half-completed runs and notes.

Jordin Sparks

Watch out for this teen. She can sing circle around all of the guys and a couple of the girls. She decided to slow it down with a horrendous ballad. I don’t know the name but she’s lucky that she has a great voice and bubbly personality because I thought it was boring.

The bottom three will be Sanjaya, Haley and Brandon. All three will have to eventually go but my hope is young Sanjaya will go softly into the night.

Who do you think will go?

What ever happened to Harry and Sally?

Yesterday I hailed the romantic comedy as my favorite escapist pastime. A good well-paced romantic comedy can raise your spirits and lift your mood. Romantic comedies must have that winning combination of charming characters that are worth caring about, a smarter than usual plot for the genre and a fun location that absorbs you and your imagination. The planets must align.

Granted I’ve just described the Krispy Kreme of romantic comedies but they do exist. I list When Harry Met Sally, Bridget Jones Dairy, Pretty Woman, Pretty in Pink, Breakfast at Tiffany’s and Return to Me among the better quality films. Meg Ryan and Julia Roberts were the reigning queens of romantic comedies but have passed the baton to Drew Barrymore and Kate Hudson. Cary Grant has let way to Hugh Grant and Matthew McConaughey.

I thought of taking a fresh approach to this subject. Instead of examining the romantic comedies I adored, I’m taking a look at the movies that didn’t work. Face it, the Hollywood marketing engine tries to force many things down our throat but not all of them work.

Here are my picks for romantic comedies that don’t adhere to the tenets of pure escapism:

Sweet Home Alabama (2002)

Reese Witherspoon was her usual spunky intelligent self but I really wanted her to marry McDreamy. I mean the guy closed down Tiffany’s and told her to pick any ring. It doesn’t get better than that. Josh Lucas was way too surly and somewhat nasty to be her true love. The movie didn’t work because I clearly wanted her to be with someone else.

Two Weeks Notice (2002)

The chemistry between Grant and Sandra Bullock was amazing but it didn’t entirely feel romantic to me. While I like Bullock, there’s something extremely boyish about her that kills romance movies. You have to really soften her edges to make it work. The set up was clever but the plot just dragged along. By the time they got to the end, I didn’t care. Her character was a little too opinionated and bordered on obnoxious.

Notting Hill (1999)

Hugh Grant’s charisma and talents were negated by Julia Robert’s bitch of a character. She turned him down too many times for it to be compelling. Who would have turned down the nicest single man in trendy Notting Hill? Robert’s characters are usually more interesting but her self-indulgent actress was too much for me.

You’ve Got Mail (1998)

Call me naïve. I got the fact that big business puts mom and pop shops out of business all the time. It killed the hardware stores as well but why was Tom Hank’s character branded the enemy because he offered discounted books. The entire ending of the movie felt contrived. The last half hour seemed thrown together. I was extremely disappointed in this film. I also thought Meg Ryan was annoying. Her character was so bland I couldn’t understand someone wanting to date her.

America's Sweethearts (2001)

Awful on every level. Devoid of characters to root for. The cast was wasted on what should have been a clever insider look at on-set romances but was an exercise in futility. Making Julia Roberts the former overweight sister/assistant was insulting. So the only way John Cusak would really notice her was when she lost weight. Great message. Serendipity (2001) falls into this wretched category as well. It was so contrived and filled with lifeless character that I didn’t care you found the freaking book at the end.

What romantic comedies didn’t work for you? Why?

Music to My Ears

God, weekends are never long enough, are they? I didn’t get to see The Departed or Borat this weekend but did manage to get to the movies to see Music & Lyrics. I wanted to see something light and frothy. I wanted to see someone fall in love in a movie. Pure fantasy.

M&L tells the story of former 80s boy bander Alex Fisher (Hugh Grant). In dire need rejuvenate his career, he’s offered the chance to write a song for teen queen Cora. In comes his plant girl Sophie Fisher (Drew Barrymore) with a knack for lyrics. It all pretty much writes itself but what can’t be manufactured is the chemistry between Grant and Drew. They are both such charming and adorable creatures that it’s hard not to root for them. Grant has a special ingredient that mixes well with his leading ladies. He added a much needed sense of despair and complexity to his character especially for a romantic comedy.

The comic relief comes in the powerhouse form of Kristen Johnston as Sophie’s sister Rhonda. She’s hysterical as the recovering 80s boy band groupie. The opening music video sequence of Alex’s former group Pop is spot on, down to the men with too much lip gloss. It’s kind of embarrassing to say I adored Duran Duran back in the day. They had way too much lip sheen to be taken seriously. Even the idea that the band’s name was Pop was brilliant.

Drew has once again proven herself as the new princess of romantic comedies with a twist. She’s the twist. She’s able to take a conventional romantic comedy and infuse her hippy dippy nature even in a movie like Fever Pitch where she played the corporate girl. She also has that unique quality of producing tears that well up in the eyes but never drop. She joins the ranks of Meg Ryan and Meryl Streep with her crying feats. I can’t name a movie she’s been in where she doesn’t produce this cry.

Overall, it was what I needed, a sugar fix.

What did you see this weekend?

Every Teenage Boy's Wet Dream

I knew that would get your attention. I saw the most outrageous music video yesterday. I decided to TiVo one of the late night video shows since that seems to be one of the few ways to see a video all the way through. MTV and VH1 seem to have given up on the full video format.

That's when I saw the new Beyonce/Shakira collaboration Beautiful Liar. It's the most shameless and gratuituos sexy video I've seen since the old Motley Crew videos. These two are stunning. It's so ridiculously over the top that at points they are simply singing each other's names. At the end, they just give up and grind against the wall. Too much. Check it out here.

What do you think?

Everybody Has One

I don’t know what has happened to me but I have been downright opinionated this past week. Not in an obnoxious ‘my opinion is the only opinion’ way but more in a ‘I have a clear idea of how I feel about everything.’ It’s actually liberating. Part of my nature is to listen to people’s opinions without making a face that says I think you’re full of shit. I try to enter conversations by accepting that not everyone feels or thinks the way I do, which essentially makes them inferior. Just kidding. I’d like to think I’m evolved enough to accept different thoughts.

With that said, I have to say there are certain stories in the media that have lost their interest for me. I love a secret affair, illegitimate child and inner demons as much as the next person but our obsession with pop culture and all things celebrity has forced the media to milk stories. At some point the novelty wears off and we’re stuck with either an extremely mundane situation or pathetic/tragic downfall.

I count the following stories among those that have lost their luster for me. It’s not fun watching the freak show anymore.

TomKat

The suspect courtship and ritual-like marriage of TomKat has jumped the shark. It actually jumped the shark about two minutes after he vandalized Oprah’s couch with his shoes. I don’t know why the smiling couple’s relationship has been met with such animosity and contempt. But sometimes you just get a feeling that something ain’t right and I think the public let Top Gun & Joey (sounds like a 70s cop show) know that they weren’t fooled by their shameless attempt to turn their personal life into a photo opportunity.

Britney Spears

Poor Spock-like Brit has gone through puberty in front of the public and now we get to see her have a nervous breakdown. The minute she crawled out of that car without panties, the film should have stopped because everything since there is like watching someone pick their nose. You’re disgusted by watching it but you want to know where they’re going to put the booger. Enough with Brit. Let her recover. We don’t need Britney watch Day 2 1/2.

Brangelina

It started off as an unbelievable mixing of two of the hottest people the planet and a big FU to poor Jennifer Anniston but has turned into domestic bliss. We no longer contemplate how long they will last because they are totally immersed in their rainbow tribe of children and saving the word. Who can argue with that?

Anna Nicole Smith

She’s dead. No one knows who the father is. Call in Maury Povich.


Paris Hilton/Lindsey Lohan/Nicole Richie

They are affluent party girls who are trying to use up their 15 minutes of fame before we forget their names or they become instant pop culture footnotes. Live it up girls because I’m already over you. Though, it would be nice if you contributed something meaningful before you’re done. I don’t think The Simple Life qualifies.

What other stories aren’t fun anymore?

You Should Have Made Me Listen

I’ve been warned about it and you’d think with my raging addiction and obviously susceptible personality, I would reframe from partaking but I told myself just one time. One minute. That turned into an hour. So in the name of recovery and nipping this thing in the bud, I have to admit something. Dammit! I started watching YouTube this weekend.

My blogging mentor Tere warned me of the dangers but I’m week. It started Friday night with boredom. Damn J and his having to work late. He left me alone with the computer and way too much time on my hands. It started with a Lily Allen video them went to the boozy Amy Winehouse. Then AW in live TV performances. I heard about these girls on other blogs. Loved Lily the minute I saw her video for Smile.

Then a funny thing happened. After watching the John Legend video for Save Room, I noticed that people post their covers of songs. I must have watched five versions of Save Room without blinking. I was riveted. Truly. Then I went on to original songs. I saw a young woman with a pure voice singing her original tune, which I promptly closed. I’m not much on original songs by amateurs; they always sound like melodramatic high school break up songs. I went to her version of Missing You. Amazing. Why hasn’t this girl been signed?

Then I saw her sing Nelly Furtado’s Say It Right complete with affected head movements and half-eye closed concentration in what looked like a hotel room. Slightly strange. By the time I clicked on Shania Twain’s You’re Still the One, I was howling out loud. She was seriously putting on a concert in her bedroom with full conviction. Not for nothing but I thought that was hilariously bizarre. This peculiar trend won’t prevent me from viewing the website but it has turned me off the musicians.

It wasn’t until last night that my NYC correspondent O explained people have been using YouTube as a scouting tool. Clever. I imagine there’s an urban legend brewing that the next great talent will be discovered on the website. After all, Rosie O’Donnell just brought someone on the view for this exact reason. He’s a curiosity but hardly a true artist. The caliber of talent will soon diminish as all of the American Idol rejects begin posting their own videos.

While it might not be the most direct way to start a career, YouTube is a great invention that allows everyday people to showcase their unique talent and other odd quirks. Outstanding.

What are your YouTube favorites?

Life is a Highway

I’m ashamed to say I still haven’t watched The Departed but suspect this is the week it will happen. Instead I treated myself to Poseidon. Oh, did I say treated? It was more by default. It was coming on HBO and we were going to watch Miguel Coto fight afterward. Interesting tidbit about the Diva, I adore professional boxing. It’s the one sport J and I will watch together. Actually, my entire family is into boxing. I used to watch it all the time with my father.

I’ve never seen the original but according to my husband, it’s a classic. Poseidon tells the story of a cruise gone to hell. A rogue wave turns the ship and the passenger’s lives upside down. In true disaster film tradition, the cast is loaded with names. Richard Dreyfuss, Kurt Russell, Josh Lucas, Kevin Dillon, Andre Braugher and even Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas shook her lady lumps on the boat.

It was a special effects-laden movie. While it wasn’t nearly as artful as Titanic, it wasn’t clunky like Clash of the Titans either. Mercifully, it was only an hour and a half. Another 20 minutes and there would have been problems. The success of disaster films depends largely on the smarts of the people trying to overcome the situation. Dense people don’t last long in the movies while the smart folks and those who can take instruction usually make it to the end. The movie didn’t change my life but at least I wasn’t pissed to have spent 90 minutes watching the movie.

Va-Room. The weekend included another movie Cars. I’m a huge fan of the new children’s movies. They offer just as much for the adults as they do the children. Madagascar is a favorite of mine. If you don’t fall down on the floor in giggles once you meet the head of the lemurs, I’m not sure that you’re human.

Cars is a typical message movie involving a cocky racecar Lightening McQueen (voiced by Owen Wilson) who learns the lesson that you can’t do anything alone and you must slow down to enjoy life. After being stranded in a small town on his way to the “big” race, he learns the importance and comfort of community with the help of Sally (Bonnie Hunt), Doc (Paul Newman) and Mater (Larry the Cable Guy).

I found the message to community and isolation to be a bit heavy for a kid’s film. Too many messages for kids to grasp. The Academy Award nominated song Our Town was especially emotional with its accompanying visuals. Overall, I though the soundtrack was the highlight. Tunes by Rascall Flatts, Sheryl Crow, John Mayer and James Taylor made the movie pop. The comedy relief in the movie was the hysterical Luigi (Tony Shalhoub) and his side kick Guido (Guido Quaroni).

What movies did you see this weekend?

Random Mumbles

Friday has become my day of random thoughts and riddle solving. Like am I shocked that Charlotte Church is pregnant by her rugby player boyfriend? Not really. Though I still hold the image of her angelic voice and cherub face. It’s kinda like Dakota Fanning getting pregnant at 21 out of wedlock (I know this is the Ohio traditional side coming out of me). I would still see her as that little blonde girl. Jenna Elfman is pregnant. Will she have a silent birth? Probably. Did Kelly Pickler get her boobs done? I don’t remember them being that big. These are some of the random thought and riddles that keep my brain sharp and my instincts cat-like.

The Ultimate SPIN

There are not enough words to say how much I love this story. Isaiah Washington has hired a gay publicist. LOVE IT. Talk about spinning the negative into a positive. It’s like Elton John performing with Eminem on the Grammy’s – a clever publicity stunt. You can say ‘I really want to change people’s perceptions of gays’ or ‘gays are cool with me I just made homophobic remarks by accident’ but at the end of the day, it’s all good publicity. Washington’s new firm put an intellectual spin on it by saying an important issue is being addressed through their union. LOVE IT.

Posh and Becks on Film

Like we haven’t seen enough of these attention-craving Brits in the last few years. Is America really interested in the aging athlete (said with love and affection) and his wicked 40-pound wife (said with controlled rage)? They haven’t made celebrity status in this country yet why would that change? Because he’s joining an American soccer team? Americans barely support the sport. Once again, the media is trying to make superstars out of people that shouldn’t receive much notice. Of course, I’m referring to Vicky. Much love and respect to her sexy hubby who has transformed the sport of soccer.

This could be a good thing. Maybe instead of photographs of the seemingly vapid Mrs. Beckham, we’ll get hard video proof that she’s as tasteless and plastic as she seems. The source of my negative energy may require extensive therapy. I just can’t shake the idea that Posh is the type of women that sets woman back 30 years.

Pink Pink and More Pink

It seems Anna Nicole Smith will finally be put to rest. I’m appalled that they even entertained her mother’s appeal. Why would she be buried with her son? There are many secrets surround the blonde. Who fathered her baby? Did Howard K. Stern stalk her? Is TrimSpa really crack? The one thing we knew for sure was her love for son. There shouldn’t have been any doubt where she’d be laid to rest.

What’s on your mind today?

America's Next Top Model-Neo Feminism or Devil's Tool

Have you ever had a moment of clarity at the most unexpected time? I had one of those A-Ha moments in front of my TV last night. It was 7:55 and I was trying to figure out how to watch three shows. TiVo is my best friend but if you record two shows at once, you have to watch one of the shows. Yes, this was my dilemma last night. I ended up taping America’s Next Top Model while I watched American Idol and George Lopez/Knights of Prosperity/According to Jim.

Then it came to me. Even though I’m not emotionally attached to too many shows, I watch a lot of freakin’ television. It’s that pop culture monkey on my back. Anyway, the point of my blog isn’t my addiction; it was the new cycle of ANTM. I just felt it was important to share my revelation. It aids in the recovery process.

My NYC correspondent O introduced ANTM to me. After watching the first season, he demanded that I give this show a try. So actually, you could call him my pusher. I was immediately drawn into this surreal show of long legs, boney clavicles and erratic behavior. I appreciate the fact that these budding models learn that being pretty isn’t enough. Amen. You can tell they’ve all been told that they should be a model and in some of their small ponds, they are considered supermodels. However, all that changes when they meet Tyra Banks and her band of merry dream squashers.

ANTM works on two levels. It’s an intriguing look into fashion. You truly have no idea what it takes to get a good picture from these chicks. I love watching the girls navigate photo shoots that include posing in a wind tunnel, with male models and bulls to name a few. It also works on another level. It’s slightly fun to watch these women who are considered the ideal of beauty struggle with low self-esteem, performance anxiety and rejection. True satisfaction is watching Tyra reveal her quirky nerdy side at least once an episode. I also love it when she sports her tranny-chic diva look.

This season Tyra selected two plus size models. Let’s hear for the big girls, even though a plus size model wears a 12 or 14 and as you know I’m a 12. At 5’2’’, a size 12 doesn’t look like a supermodel. I’m more your brick house variety.

ANTM is always a great source of entertainment because you always have the reality show prototypes: the bitch (this year in the form of a slutty Russian mail order bride), the black sassy girl, the know-it all, the unstable bi-racial girl , the fiery Latina and the thrift store beauty.

I don’t know who the winner will be yet. I need to see their reaction to their makeovers. This tells a lot about the girls. I must say hubby J has picked the last five winners. He’s also the stylist and photographer of my picture on this blog. He channeled the energy of Tyra’s fierce Mr. J.

What’s your thoughts on ANTM?