I'd like you to meet my new friend

USA Today ran a funny article today regarding the new trend in Hollywood where random celebrities get together to take advantage of their star status. The media has harkened back to high school and declared these winning collabos Best Friends Forever (BFFs). They mention the new dizzy trio of Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and Lindsey Lohan. Hasn’t Brit learned anything from Survivor? It’s all about the alliance. While entering a custody battle, who would hook up with Paris?

This new BFF era has left me at a loss. I just try to imagine what Katie Holmes and Victoria Beckham could be talking about. Gucci handbags? Scientology? Tom’s big teeth? I just can’t wrap my mind around it? I think it’s amusing and very telling to see who celebrities take as their good friends.

For some, it reads as a marketing move or public relations stunt while for others it seems to be a more genuine friendship. I mean, I can see Matthew McConaughey and Lance Armstrong having something in common. Exercise, sweat, woman. So, I ask you if you could have a celebrity BFF, who would you select and why? Here are my picks:

Oprah Winfrey
No surprises here. I’ve always wanted to channel the brilliance, intellect and drive of Miss O. Remember I don’t want to be her as much as I want to be Oprah-esque. This relationship probably doesn’t stand a chance until her BFF Gail steps aside or has a tragic accident that doesn’t kill her but makes her unable to fill her obligations as O’s best friend. Did I say that out loud?

Jada Pinkett
This sista’ is down for the cause. She seems to enjoy the Hollywood life and fashions without taking herself too seriously. She must be fun to hang out with. I bet she runs a tight ship with Will and children as well. I could take notes.

Matthew McConaughey
That’s right I picked a man. I could maintain a platonic relationship with him and maybe lose a few pounds in the process. He seems like that positive force who always makes you feel better about yourself and give you the male point of view. Plus he and his friends would be fun to look at.

Who would be your celebrity BFF?

Silver Foxes make me blush

Believe me. It hasn’t passed my mind that I didn’t comment on the biggest announcement of the Thanksgiving holiday. Every year I wait for the announcement with much anticipation but travel made it impossible to comment on a timely basis. But when you think about it, the topic is truly timeless. What other event shapes pop culture and even our lives more than People magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive? That’s right ladies … and gentlemen; George Clooney won the coveted title twice. He ties my personal favorite, Brad Pitt, for this prestigious honor.

As always, Clooney is a classic choice. He’s smart, funny, handsome and talented. Can’t be mad at that. An obvious choice would have been Brad who is coming off one hell of a year or Daniel Craig, my new favorite, who is about to ride a gigantic wave of popularity. I applaud People for choosing an older more distinguished man. I’ve noticed lately that I’m partial to older men. There’s something about a man of a certain age who looks like he’s done it all and done it well.

In honor of Clooney, I’ve selected my personal candidates for Sexiest Man Alive over 40. Keep in my definition of sexy isn’t based solely on looks. I find passion and aptitude for something sexy. I think it’s sexy when some excels at something.

Here are the experienced veterans that make my pulse race:

Jeremy Irons, 58
Call me crazy but his portrayal of a lecherous old man sexing up his son’s girlfriend in Damage was insane. It probably says more about me than him that I developed a crush on him from this character. I had never looked at him in this light before. He is commanding and sensual.

Denzel Washington, 52
For years, women swooned over Denzel and I never found him attractive. Handsome yes but sexy no. As I get older though, I wonder what the hell was wrong with me. He’s incredibly talented, sexy and earnest. He’s like the boy next door with a naughty side.

Mikhail Baryshnikov, 58
His name will come up again and again with me. I admire his dancing, agility and longevity. I wanted to be a dancer until I was 12 and started to develop. It soon became apparent that you couldn’t be a ballerina standing 5’2’’ with a D-cup. Oh well, what happens to a dream deferred. I crushed madly on a world-class dancer.

Sean Connery, 76
Daniel Craig may be the new James Bond but Sean will always be my 007. What a striking and compelling man. His poise and appeal allowed him to redefine the notion of aging.

Sam Shepard, 63
I know. I have to unusual affinity for non-traditional looks. I’ve always felt he was deep in that poet/playwright way. He’s a talented writer and sensitive actor. I’ve always had a silent rivalry with Jessica Lange because she’s had relationship with Sam and Mikhail. It always seemed unfair for one woman to have such pleasure.

Clint Eastwood, 76
He’s another man who grew on me, as he got older. I adore and respect his movies. He’s crafted some films that are destined to be classics. Some already are. His calm demeanor and quiet manner speaks volumes about him.

Who is your pick for Sexiest Man Alive?

Can't we all just get along?

As usual, Hollywood is constantly buzzing with dramas and traumas and I’m not talking about the new Ron Howard picture. Whether it is Madonna’s adopted baby or Nicole Richie’s razor sharp clavicle, celebrities keep us entertained and public relations professionals extremely busy. The latest round of controversy has once again led me to ask, “Where the hell was the PR professional?”

Michael Richards, of Seinfeld fame, is the latest celeb to be flogged by the media and the general public. A small part of me actually feels sorry for him. His lapse of judgment not only exposed his racist nature, it unveiled a hidden dark side. For those of you who visited the moon these last two weeks, Kramer was performing in a famous L.A. comedy club when he was confronted with hecklers.

Unfortunately, the veteran comedian lost his cool and launched an angry tirade on his hecklers that included the phrases ‘fifty years ago’, ‘slavery’, ‘lynch’ and ‘fork up your ass’ peppered with a few ‘niggers’ for garnish. From what I heard of the assault, everyone seemed to be in shock or indifferent at first. Then the reactions started pouring in. You could actually hear one girl exclaim, ‘Oh, my God,’ like she had just seen something horrific and she had.

I have two overwhelming feelings from this incident. Kramer must really have some rage issues. His response to the hecklers wasn’t a battle of superficial insults regarding their education, hair texture, penis size or proclivity for crime. It was based on a very specific violent period in American history and it rolled off his tongue like it had been stored in his brain for this specific moment.

How do you come back from such an ugly episode? It seems he had no PR help or a crisis team within those first days as evident by his uncomfortable appearance on the David Letterman Show. I feel sympathy for him because the shoe he stuck in his mouth is no enormous; it’s going to take 100 people to get it out. I think he’s genuinely sorry and probably has no idea where that anger came from.

However, the media has had a field day with this and blown it out of proportion. As always, they are capitalizing on the tantalizing aspect and not digging further for the root of the problem. Everyone seems happy to simply brand this guy a racist bastard. It’s very sad and I’m not sure his career can recover. Branding him an outcast doesn’t help end ignorance or racism. It just points the finger. So, we’re right where we started. We need more dialogue between people and more understanding that in many ways we’re alike. Our appearance and experiences may be different but we still value the same things. That’s the common bond.

What are your thoughts on his tirade?

Step aside Sean

Thanksgiving was relaxing and restful just like it should be. After lounging most of Friday morning, my companions got the great idea to see a movie. We settled on the new James Bond flick Casino Royale. This was my first time seeing a Bond movie on the big screen. I’ll start by saying up front that the only reason I went to see the movie was Daniel Craig.

Lately he’s been making some interesting character choices and that intrigues me. Okay, so he has the smokin’ body and charming accent but that’s just a cherry on top of his fine acting. His appeal is that he’s just cute enough to be deemed handsome, just fit enough to be considered hot and just rugged enough to be considered manly in his perfectly pressed tuxedo. He has that Steve McQueen quality. Did I mention the eyes? Crystal clear and dreamy. That’s right I said dreamy and I’m not even a teenager in 1950s middle America but it’s fitting. His eyes are mesmerizing.

From what I’ve seen in other James Bond movies, Casino Royale contains the usual international backdrops and beautiful people. The best thing about Bond movies is the sleazy villains. Le Chiffe (Mads Mikkelsen) was delightful as the bad guy. Not only was he timeless Euro sleaze with the appropriate general Euro accent. He seemed to be perpetually sweaty and bled from an unusual part of his body. Gotta love that. He even had an equally vampish Euro girlfriend.

Casino Royale introduces us to a younger brasher James Bond (Craig). We learn how the new 00 discovered his car, favorite cocktail and his penchant for well-made tuxedos. He is accompanied by the lovely Vesper Lynd (Eva Green) and the badass M (Judi Dench). There’s not much to say about the plot except that it was easy to follow by Bond-movie standards but included enough twists and turns and double crosses to live up to the reputation. The bulk of the plot surrounded a high-stakes poker game, which was brilliant considering Hollywood’s love affair with the game.

I look forward to Craig returning for another installment. He’s no Sean Connery but was fun to watch and even may give Connery a run for his money. Both have that suave but rugged persona that attracts the ladies and makes the men envious. Time will tell. I adored Pierce Brosnan because I’m a Remington Steele addict. He personified classic James Bond but was more a romantic fantasy than the magnetic appeal of Connery and Craig. Roger Moore is a mystery to me. I never got his appeal.

With that said, who is your favorite James Bond?

Happy Thanksgiving

During this Thanksgiving holiday, I’ve shifted into my reflective mode. There has been a lot to be grateful for this year. I have a great husband, sister, parents, extended family and co-workers. Here are some other things I’m appreciative of:

Awards season
I love the thrill of the Oscar race and the agony of the Golden Globes. The Oscars are my Super Bowl.

Nine West boots
They make my legs look long and lean. It’s a shoe miracle.

Vince Vaughn, Will Ferrel and Jack Black
These funny fellows make me laugh until I snort. Gotta love that.

Sephora
Shopping at this beauty supply mecca is like visiting the holy land. Truly a spiritual experience.

Cabernet sauvignon
I just got turned onto this wine. One glass will relax you after a tough day.

Brad Pitt
Not only is he too fine for words; he’s a really fine actor and humanitarian as well.

Jennifer Aniston and Tom Cruise
They feed my not-so-well-hidden angst and gave me a lot of fodder for my blog.

Rent and Walk the Line
I’ve watched both these movies too may times but the catchy music grabs me every time. I’m a sucker for a musical.

Reality television
America’s Next Top Model, American Idol, Project Runway and the Girls Next Door satisfy my vouyeristic side.

Pop Culture
I’ve been shaped, molded and entertained by pop culture icons and events and I didn’t turn out so bad. Movies, music and television have always been my special area of interest and delight.

I Heart New York City

I managed to make it out of the concrete jungle with amazing buys and some money in my pocket. I ate my way from one end of Manhattan to the other and loved it. The weather was a balmy 60 degrees on the first day and brisk 50s on the remaining days. Times Square was crowded beyond belief. It was like being in Tokyo during rush hour. People, people everywhere and not just any people. Mid-westerners.

Middle America has taken over the Big Apple. Since Giuliani cleaned up NYC, it has become a haven for Stan and Marge from Michigan. I used to frequent the City every summer with my mom and sister. It was empty but still filled with natives. I hadn’t been there since 2001, a month after Sept. 11. I adore the energy and vibe of Manhattan. It’s one city that lives up to its reputations. It never sleeps and is right up there with Vegas.

I had forgotten how much history and pop culture folklore originated in the City. It is small but mighty. I journey through Harlem, SoHo, the Village, Tribeca, Chinatown, Little Italy, Central Park East and West and my favorite the theater district. I stayed one block off Broadway in mid-town. Everyone MUST do the following in NYC: stroll through Central Park, nosh on a bagel and pizza, visit Macy’s, eat a hot dog or pretzel off the street, see a play, haggle over the price of something in Chinatown, soak up the rays and ambiance in Washington Square park and experience Times Square.

Less than five minutes in the Rockefeller Center area and I ran into Frodo. Elijah Wood was talking to someone behind the NBC Studios. He’s tiny like an elf. Not the Lord of the Rings kind but more like Santa’s. He has brilliant big blue eyes. I didn’t have any other celebrity citings, which was disappointing but I saw to great plays and you know how the Diva loves Broadway. I saw Spamalot and The Color Purple and people were dressed appropriately for the occasion.

They say the neon lights are bright on Broadway.

Spamalot was hilarious. I’m not even into Monty Python but I couldn’t stop laughing. I entertained those sitting around me with my ridiculous laughing and tears streaming down my face. You know when you get that hysterical laugh that’s so long you forgot what made you laugh; you’re simply laughing at yourself laughing. It was silly and mindless but worth the $100-plus ticket. The Lady of the Lake was my favorite. Her diva-like stance and powerful voice was incredible. I kept imagining Sara Ramirez (George’s Callie) of Grey’s Anatomy who originated the role.

The Color Purple was wonderful and inspirational. As I get older, this story means more to me. We headed to the matinee only to be greeted with a line that wrapped around the corner. Those avenue blocks sure are long. We had terrific seats, fourth row center. I’ve never been this close in a play before. I swear a bead of sweat fell off Celie’s head and landed on me. Chilling. The singing was amazing. I left the play with the feeling it was a privilege to see it. I’ve never had that feeling before. My sister was an emotional wreck at the end but it was enjoyed by all. Oprah, who put on her producer hat for this production, must be proud. All hail, O!

The only thing missing from this escapade were my good friends (where are Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha when you need them?) and of course, my Manolos.

What’s your favorite Big Apple memory or experience?

The Diva Takes a Fruit Break

I'm ready to take a bite out of the Big Apple today. Me and my girls are heading for the great Manhattan escape by bus. That's right by bus. (This is my mom's annual trek.) We head out today and spend the night in Jersey. Tomorrow morning we're in NYC. I look forward to shopping, catching Broadway plays, shopping, going to the metropolitan Museum of Art, shopping, eating and did I mention shopping.

I'll give you the low down on my big city trip next week. Meanwhile, check my archives or visit my favorite blogs located on the left hand column.

Talk to ya soon!

I may have to live at the movies for the next two months

I was thrilled to finally make it to the movie theater today. I was greeted in the parking lot by my future 75-year-old plus movie mates. Remember this is Ohio and everyone is extremely polite. Turns out these feisty great-grandmas were going to Babel as well. As they entered the theater, I heard them giggling. You see the one didn't realize Brad Pitt was in the movie. "You should have said something," she gushed. "I love Brad Pitt."

The movie trailers were almost has good as the movie. We were treated to a sneel peek of Mel Gibson's Apocalypto. He make be a angry anti-semitic drunk but this new movie about the downfall of Mayan civilization looks amazing. It was tense, vivid and a bit scary but I was fascinated. I might have to see it. Notes on a Scandal starring Cate Blanchett and Judy Dench (that's Dame to you) looked straight up crazy and engaging. The Good German had a film-noir quality and George Clooney and that ain't bad. Cate makes another star turn as a smoky German siren in the movie. I finally saw a sizable clip of Dreamgirls and you know how momma likes Broadway. It's a colorful musical tribute to the Motown era. I can't wait to see it.

Babel directed by Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu was even better than I thought it was going to be. I wasn't expecting to be so emotionally moved by all of the storylines. I was a mess through much of the movie. It sent a clear message of the interconnected nature of life in our global community. A simple childhood mistake can become an international incident. The Japanese arm of this story seemed like separate movie but none the less was relevant to the rest of the movie.

Rinko Kikuchi was touching as teenage Chieko trying to make it through one of the most trying days of her life. I love the fact that she could have been from any country and it would have been relatable. Coming of age is a universal theme just like trying to fit in with your peers. I see a Golden Globe nomination for her. Adriana Barraza turns in a heart wrenching performance of a Mexican housekeeper who pays the highest price for looking after her little American charges.

Cate Blanchett and Brad Pitt round out this cast as an affluent American couple Susan and Richard who encounter tragedy and self-discovery on an ill-fated trip to Morocco. Cate is easily earning her place as a Meryl Streep to a new generation. She is a chameleon who steps effortlessly between serious roles and comic characters in big budget movies and quirky independent films. Brad Pitt once again sheds his movie star looks to bring us a real person we could relate to. He doesn't get enough credit for being a diverse actor especially in comedies. The scene where he talks to his son through his anguish is perfection. Too much is made of his looks (the Diva included) and his personal life. He will find himself with several nominations when award season opens.

Overall, the movie was brilliant in setting a calm tone despite the chaos on-screen. The use of silence was important in expressing emotion and letting us focus on subtle cues from characters. Music played an integral part in establishing tone and setting. The theme of children and love was an overwhelming part of the movie. Inarritu dedicated the film to his children.

If you've seen this film, tell me what you thought? Was it love?

Postcards from the edge- Part 3-Thin is not in

I watched a riveting HBO documentary called Thin last night. HBO is a leader in documentaries. Watch Methadonia if you get the chance. It followed a diverse group of women as they sought treatment for eating disorders. There was the mother of two who entered the army in order to lose weight, the 15-year-old Goth girl who misses her routine of binging and purging, the depressed and easily manipulated girl who can't live up to her twin and the rebel.

As I revealed yesterday, anorexia is one of those topics that intrigues me. I guess it's because I've always had the opposite problem. I love to eat. I don't necessarily love the weight I gain but I've never thought to get rid of that food through throwing up or using diuretics. My heart went out to each of these women as they struggled with their emotions and skewed perceptions. Most were under 80 pounds and truly felt that was the ideal weight for their body minus some pounds. How do you combat this irrational and destructive disorder?

The most emotional scene occurred when the 15-year-old was going home and stated her intentions to go back to her old behavior. Veterans in the group plead with her to make changes in order to live a productive life. Two things struck me while watching this documentary.

The first was the role of pop culture in shaping what is sexy and beautiful. If the advertisers and media weren't constantly telling us that in order to be successful and happy we must be thin, large breasted and rich, these gals wouldn't have a platform to dive from. Women are continuously bombarded with the message that we aren't good enough as we are. We need to lose a few pounds in order to get love whether that be from our parents or a man. We need to straighten and lighten our hair. It didn't help when the word "fat" entered the lexicon as a hurtful word that has latelybecome standard fare. Words and images are damaging; they'll put a chink in the strongest armor. Imagine what they do to an already fragile ego. It feeds the fire that says, "I have to purge."

I was also distraught to see that the reason most of the women left treatment early was because their insurance refused to pay anything further. How can that be? Insurance companies expanded their coverage for gastric by-pass surgery but won't expand their coverage for eating disorders. This isn't a condidtion that is cured in four weeks. We're sending the message that it's more important to help people through a medical procedure but not a group that also risks death and benefits through medical and psychological help. These women needed more time in treatment and were failed. It's appalling and illustrates the point that there needs to be healthcare reform in this country.

I left the film with a sad unsettled feeling. Their eating disorders will follow them throughout their lives. I was encouraged by their bravery but frightened by their fragility. Thin is an honest look at eating disorders and definitely worth watching.

Postcards from the edge- Part 2 Court TV rocks

More Doodlebops. They're like crack for toddlers. My niece can't get enough. My mom actually misses some of Regis and Kelly so she can watch it. For her that's major. My mom loves her some Regis. My life in Ohio consists of walks on the treadmill, long afternoon naps and Court TV. My dad is a helpless Court TV junkie. I'm new to the game but am quickly becoming addicted.

In my four days here, I've watched documentaries on chrystal meth and women in prison. It was my second time watching the meth doc. I never get enough of this topic. It is utterly fascinating that you can make your own cheap drugs at home. It's devastating not only to your body but to entire communities. They showed the heartbreaking lifes of people struggling with meth addiction and the effects on the community. There are areas where schools asked children to no longer bring in baked goods because the treats were being baked on the same pans the parents were cooking their meth on. What the hell is that?

I don't know where my interest in meth come from but I think everyone has something that holds great unexplained interest for you. With me it's meth, the mafia and anorexia. I will watch any documentary or movie on these topics. Don't know why; it's just the way I'm wired. I've watched a marathon of Cops until 1 in the morning with my dad. Cops is like watching a car crash. You know you shouldn't but it's riveting.

I'm surprised I've enjoyed Court TV so much. I'm not a true crime person. Watching those movies or reading those books just scare the hell out of me. It reinforces the uncomfortable fact that bad violent things can happen to anyone. From a marketing/public relations point, I had to laugh that Court TV's tagline is "seriously entertaining." What the hell does that mean? That true life crime is entertaining and that's okay because it's "seriously" entertaining as opposed to "mindlessly" entertaining. I know what they were thinking but it just seems extremely cheesy and unimaginative.

Court TV panders to the public's deep interest in crime. The channel brings a polished Hollywood angle to the items we read in the newspaper everyday. Judging from my dad's love of Court TV; he's not alone. He probably fits their demographic to a T-- older male in middle America.

I'm curious. Have you watched Court TV? If so, why do you think it's so popular?

Postcards from the edge

Greetings from the Buckeye state! I've taken my circus on the road to visit my family for a few days before we (my mom, sister and her stepdaughter) go to NYC for a long weekend. It kicked off with a bizarre encounter at the Miami airport. As I waited at the gate, the gentleman seated two chairs away proceeded to take off his dress socks (he was wearing a business suit and reading the paper) and rub his feeet. Not a gentle rub like his feet ached but a picking rub like he was ripping dry skin and lent off his feet. He did this for about 20 minutes. I knew then that this was going to be a fantastic voyage.

When I finally made it to my assigned seat, I was pleased to see they had put me in an emergency exit row. The upside is that I had extra room for my legs; the downside was if we crashed it was up to me to assist in getting these people off the plane. I agreed to the conditions but realized if shit broke out I would be the first off the plane without looking back. Don't judge me, I'm just keeping it real. I was soon greeted by my row mate, a confused man who seriously asked me what day it was. I wasn't sure what his situation was but heard him explain to the neighboring flight attendents (there was a gaggle of them heading to D.C.) that he had just gotten back from two weeks in Bolivia. I immediately went into panic mode and imagined him spreading an exotic disease to me or the entire plane. Look, I watch a lot of House and I saw what that little monkey did in Outbreak.

I was able to finish the Dave Navarro memoir Don't Try This at Home. It was a stone trip. This graphic book chronicled a year in his life but not just any year. It followed him down a drug and prostitute filled year where he turned his house into a "Factory" much like Andy Warhol. He took photographs of everyone that came into his house during this period. I had no idea how depraved and desperate he had become. While it didn't change my life, it was an honest unflinching look into the life of a junkie with money. I have much respect for him realizing where he's come from. However, the last pages that talk about his relationship were slightly sad since they have split. It's worth a read. Added bonus, is you get the scoop on why and how he left the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

I'm officially in the midwest and its evident in my childhood home by the aroma of Jergen's lotion and sting of Ivory soap in my eyes. I'd forgotten how powerful that soap can be. My sister made a hearty meal of beef roast, cabbage, baked macaroni and cheese and apple crisp. It was delicious and I ate too much. I just watched Disney's Doodle Bops with my 2-year-old niece and put some time in on my dad's treadmill while listening to the local classic rock radio station playing ELO, Cheap Trick and Yes. Boy, it's great to be home.

I did see Desperate Housewives last night and am filled with a sense of hope that this once stellar program can regain its luster. Last week's outing in the supermarket was outstanding. Laurie Metcalfe's unhinged wife was perfection. Makes you remember how funny she was on Roseanne. Felicity Huffman once again raised the calibar of acting on the show. She deserves that Emmy. I look forward to seeing what Dixie Carter will bring to Wisteria Lane besides that ratty wig. Maybe Bree will finally wise up. She seems content in accepting Orson's continuous lies and explanations.

I'll keep you posted on my travels and hope to catch a movie or two while I'm here. Meanwhile, tell some of your memories of your hometown.

Use your big words

It was the bikini seen around the world. Courageous Kirstie Alley donned a skimpy bathing suit to make good on a bet she made with Oprah that she would sport a bikini when she lost weight. The slimmed down Cheers beauty sashayed on stage and dropped her sarong to unveil a curvy silhouette and sassy attitude. Appropriately, the song Brickhouse was playing in the background. She was mighty mighty just lettin’ it all hang out. Let me come clean by saying that I’m not a hug Kirstie Alley fan. I think she’s a funny spunky lady but her Scientology connection turns me off. With that said, I give much love and appreciation to her daring fashion decision.

Though she lost 75 pounds and plans to lose more, she was no Heidi Klum and that was refreshing. Her thighs were thick and her smile was radiant. I love the fact that at 55 she had the balls to wear a bikini on national television. She looked amazing and more like the average American woman. However, I was pissed to hear two male Miami radio personalities the next morning saying that she was still big and would look great after losing another 30 pounds. This coming from two average-looking middle-aged men with 30 extra pounds around their mid-sections. They were calling her various variations of FAT.

The term fat is being used too liberally. Everyone is called fat these days. It has become the new ugly. Instead of using our big words to describe someone, we resort to kindergarten lingo like fat and ugly. Fat has become this snarky term to hurt someone’s feelings especially in Hollywood and face it we take our cues from advertisements and movies. Images that face us everyday. When I think of fat, I think of someone who has to go to a special store to get clothes, needs reinforced furniture or can’t fit in standard seats, showers or beds. And guess what? There’s nothing wrong with that. Some people are fat, some people are thin and some of us fall in between. To me obesity is only a problem if it threatens your health or prevents you from leading the life you want to lead. If you’re cool with that, peace.

I’m tired of hearing how Kate Winslet is fat. This girl doesn’t have a weight issue besides the fact that her industry of work doesn’t value the anatomy of real women. Complex women with diverse genetics and health concerns. Nothing in Hollywood is average. Everything is exaggerated which would explain the latest parade of twig-like bobble heads calling themselves actresses. I’m not hating on thin actresses. I’m down with Gwyneth Paltrow and Nicole Kidman but they are not the majority and in no way represent me, my friends or family members.

For the record, Jessica Alba, Eva Longoria, Jennifer Lopez, Scarlett Johansson, Salma Hayek and Beyonce are not full-figured gals. Being Latina or black doesn’t necessarily qualify you as robust. Only by Hollywood standards.

I’ve just recently started to embrace my size. I think of myself as voluptuous and curvy. Some people may see me as fat. So be it. I’m a size 12. Did I say that out loud? Yes, like millions of other women in this country I’m not a size 0, 2 or 4. I own my size 12 and no longer omit or mumble my clothing size. The average American woman is a size 12 and weighs 140 pounds.

I encourage everyone to rethink their definition of fat and examine how they use the word. There are probably millions of ways to say someone is large without resorting to the negative word fat. Expand your mind and vocabulary. You can call me big, solid, voluptuous, curvy, sturdy, chunky, chubby, booti-licious, a brickhouse, fluffy love, big-boned, thick, plump, robust, heavy, bodacious, busty and shapely.

Just don’t call me fat.

It's not that I don't like elephants

I was riding home yesterday when a rush of relief came over me. Suddenly, I felt refreshed and full of life. Life actually seemed to come into focus; something it hadn’t done in about two years. It felt like coming off a really long binge or hang over. You may ask what brought about this moment of clarity. It was the news that Britney Spears filed for divorce from hubby KFed. You go girl, get rid of his triflin’ ass.

Amen and it’s about time. I can honestly say watching that freak show for over two years was freakin’ uncomfortable. Watching her deny marital problems and justify her marriage was down right embarrassing for her and the general public. Anyone in a relationship knows how tough it is to maintain. So, to watch her struggle while being pregnant for two years straight was more than unbearable. I’m glad that the pregnancy hormones have tapered off and the denial has been wiped clean.

Brit Brit reminds me of that girlfriend (everyone has one) whose boyfriend is a royal ass but despite knowing the truth, she seems unable or unwilling to make the changes and put him on the ex program. The funny thing about this situation is that I believe America had kind of given up on the pop tart. We knew she was not that innocent. You know not a girl but not yet a woman but who would have know her introduction to adulthood would be taught by a wanna-be rapper with kids and a couple of baby’s mamas. She took the master class.

I will be the first tuned in to see her spill the beans on Oprah. You know that’s coming soon. Brit’s situation brings to mind other dramas that play out with our favorite (and not so favorite) celebs in a very public forum. Here are a few more extremely uncomfortable elephant-in-the-room dilemmas that can no longer be ignored:

Whitney Houston’s love of the bad boys

I don’t blame Bobby Brown for Whitney’s drug problems but you can’t tell me looking at his bugged eyes and dealing with his kids everyday wouldn’t drive you to experiment with a crack pipe. Being Bobby Brown was the most self-indulgent and voyeuristic of the reality shows. It ranks up there with the horrifyingly awkward Anna Nicole Smith Show. While funny for one episode, you almost feel dirty watching these people obviously struggling with addiction.

Tomcat forever

There’s now a countdown until the blessed nuptials of the madly in love Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. How long are to pretend that this is a genuine relationship? I don’t care if Top Gun prefers men over women and I don’t care if Katie was on the rebound or looking for a career boost. That’s their business but don’t cram it down our throat as a bond based on romantic love. Very few bonds are based solely on love. Let’s call if what it is: and arrangement. You know how I feel about arrangements. I’m all for it but don’t concoct an entire fairytale romance around it.

Dannielyn has two fathers

I was shocked and oddly drawn to a painful interview with Anna Nicole Smith and her baby’s “father” Howard Stern on Entertainment Tonight and Extra last night. She was clearly drugged and propped up by her “lawyer” and now “husband” Howard. She was blabbering on while he tried to make sense of it and keep her from tumbling over. It reminded me of the infamous Mike Tyson/Robin Givens interview where Mike was medicated like a big cat. Anna was dopey and out of her mind; all the while proclaiming Howard the father of her child. It’s going to be embarrassing and somewhat heartbreaking when the truth comes out. She’s been through a rough couple of months.

Who else has an elephant in the room?

Are you gonna wear that?

Boy it’s great to be on dry land. My recent cruise brought to light an issue that is dear to my heart. I’ve always considered myself a fashionista even before the term was coined. I haven’t always had the money for clothing but always had a passion for it. I’ve even had a co-worker call me a clothes whore. She was playing on the words clothes horse. Or at least that’s what I think she meant. Come to think of it; she may have been calling me out.

Anyway, the cruise line is very specific about dining attire. Casual clothes like summer dresses and button down shirts for men. Nowhere in the cruise info did it say ratty peg-legged jeans and Bahama Momma/Daddy T-shirt. I’m not talking cool casual Friday togs but BBQ by the double wide fashion.

I know I’m about to sound like an old fart here but what happened to the days when people dressed for dinner. I’m not saying black tie but a pressed pair of pants and shirt for gentlemen and nice slacks or dress for women. . I was so excited at the chance to shave my legs and go out that I dressed up every evening. When did this all go wrong? I should have known something was amiss when I saw a girl wearing jeans to a Broadway show. Broadway. Not community theater.

With age, I’m slowly realizing I’m liberal on some issues and conservative on others. Gays should be able to adopt and marry. Women should be able to choose whether to birth a baby or not. ALL people should dress appropriately for formal dining and the theater.

I blame pop culture for making us believe that denim can replace satin and linen. Just because Mariah Carey pays $1,000 for a pair of jeans doesn’t make it eveningwear. She’s a celebrity. If you haven’t noticed, celebrities live a more dramatic public life that leads to wearing sunglasses at night and Gap T-shirts with your Vera Wang skirt. That’s a glamorous façade that doesn’t hold up in the real world. The minute our public figures and movie stars started wearing casual fashions, we soon followed.

With that said, below are a few items you MUST have:

A timeless suit

I don’t care if it’s from the Jaclyn Smith Collection, a smart suit is mandatory. Suits can be found every where from thrift shops to high-end department stores. It doesn’t matter if you only dust it off when Uncle Lenny passes. Everyone should own a suit. They come in handy for job interviews, weddings, baptisms and other occasions.

Dress shoes

Women generally don’t have a problem with this but men do. Let me tell you something fellas, it’s a turn off to date a man that doesn’t have hard soled shoes. A closet full of sneakers makes you look like a man/boy and that ain’t good. You don’t have to wear them everyday but they should have them in your closet.

Sweater or wrap

Ladies when you finally go out for that special evening, don’t cover that lovely ensemble with your distressed jean jacket or retro burgundy Member’s Only jacket. Invest in a cute little sweater or pashmina-like wrap. There are tons of look-a-likes out there. While you’re shopping, look into a small evening bag in a neutral color.

What else should people have?

Cruise workers remind me of strippers; In a good way

I’m back darlings! Did you miss me? I was off having fun in the sun and rain. I ate way too much yummy food and was very happy to come home and sleep in my own bed. It’s funny that during my cruise with the elderly (I had no idea it was a blue-haired cruise until I caught sight of the orthopedic shoes, black knee socks and the faint smell of Ben-Gay) I kept coming up with ideas for the blog.

If you’ve never cruised, it’s an interesting experience. It caters to what I value most: relaxation and eating with a little karaoke thrown in. They had television and select programs from different networks. I watched the beginning of the Da Vinci Code and the end of the Lake House. You haven’t experienced sailing the high seas until you’ve watched Chico and the Man in your itty-bitty cabin. Lookin’ good. Taking a shower was a challenge since I’ve never showered in a straight jacket before. It was tight to say the least. I also missed my iron. The ship has a no iron in the room policy which must be a comfort considering the likelihood that the blue-haired brigade could turn that ship into a towering inferno in less than 30 minutes.

Don’t get me wrong, I had a great time and will definitely do it again. I also learned a lot in the process. I thought instead of a celebrity that taught me something I’d use my vacation.

What I Learned on My Cruise

Pace yourself

This is the number one mistake people make on a cruise. They dart out of the gate too fast and burn out after the second day. Our cruise peaked for many on Halloween night. The liquor and music was flowing. Edward Scissorhands and Zorro were getting their groove on. Everyone crashed the next day. The beach was filled with zombies. I, on the other hand, always the seasoned traveler paced myself and was able to enjoy the entire cruise and wasn’t that exhausted when I returned.

The All You Can Eat Buffet is Not a Challenge

This kinda ties in with pace yourself. It’s tempting to fill your plate with every noodle and cookie but there is a technique to getting the most from the buffet. First, you must do the quick run through. Notice anything of particular interest before you go through the line. This saves a lot of space on your platter. Oh yea, I said platter. That bad boy was humongous. Second, look at your fellow buffet dwellers’ plates. Don’t hesitate to ask them where they got the toffee cookies or omelet. Let them do your advance footwork. Third, leave room for dessert. They have the tastiest treats on those decadent tables. Last, move your ass. The buffet line is not the place to hold long conversations or contemplate the meaning of life. Grab your grub and move it along.

Don’t Knock the Hustle

Cruise workers definitely work hard for their money. They have to smile and remain gracious as Sammy from Peoria complains about not being able to find the ketchup or not receiving a dog fashioned out of towels on his bed. They also have to deal with way too many drunks. A major focus of the cruise industry much like her sister Las Vegas is alcohol. They keep it coming fast. Your cup is never empty. They know that Midwesterners can’t turn down a frothy tropical drink in a class that lights up. Despite these obstacles the cruise workers try their best to keep a pleasant grin on their face. It’s can’t be easy but they do it with much style and class.

Tell me what you learned on your cruise.