Straight Up!

I’ve never been so ready for a weekend; I hardly know what to do. The rain continues though I haven’t experienced any more mudslides and summer television has me bored senseless. At least there was something interesting on TV last night. By interesting, I mean the train wreck that is Paula Abdul.

You know it honies! I watched the first two episodes of the exploitive Hey Paula on Bravo. J and I decided that we are gluttons for punishment after subjecting ourselves to the second episode after vowing not to. We thought it was too embarrassing. Hey Paula is the next Being Bobby Brown or the Anna Nicole Show. Paula is a freak show and her show takes the circus on the road and the little screen.

What amazes me most about these types of shows is the subjects’ willing participation. They honestly think they are clearing up perceptions and telling their story. However, they must not view the show because what airs is a hot mess. I’m reminded of Britney and K.Fed’s attempt at reality television. Good God!

Paula comes off flightly and boozy from the first scene. Her coordination and body awareness is suspect. Her speech is slurred and often incoherent. Her judgment is definitely impaired. Who allows their army of tiny pooches to prance all over a bed covered in priceless jewelry? No wonder one of her dog nearly chocked on a diamond ring. She and her publicist attribute this to lack of sleep.

I can understand this irritating an existing problem but can’t be the cause of all of this. Sadly, watching her beg for money at Starbucks or open her suitcase at the entrance of the airport in search of comfortable jeans was unfortunate. Not only is she having some sort of behavioral problem, she is surrounded by incompetent assistants who seem incapable of packing the appropriate clothes or making sure that she has something to eat before a public appearance. She definitely doesn’t have the right people around her.

J stands by the statement that all celebrities fly the freak flag, which I agree with to some degree but there has to be more. We know they are indulged and therefore exist in this fantasyland that caters to their whims and peculiar tastes but in some cases I just feel great empathy for some. They’ve stopped being amusing and are now tragic.

With my public and media relations background, I can’t help but think who could benefit from my fantastic spin and strict words of wisdom. Here are a few celebrities that I’d love to turn around:

Tara Reid

Homegirl simply needs cut back on the booze, get an acting job and wear a bra. That’s the first thing I’d do. Her sloppy trailer park Barbie persona belies what is underneath. I’d find the talented actress in her and exploit the hell out of that.

Nicole Kidman

First order of business is to retrieve whatever is lodged up her ass. Then I’d put an end to whatever is freezing her damn face. She’s got the talent and looks. She just needs to loosen up and find her personality.

Isaiah Washington

I’d put a large piece of tape on his mouth and try to find him a job as soon as possible before he alienates an entire industry. I stood up for him in the past but know he needs to show some dignity and shut the hell up. You didn’t get fired because you’re black. You obviously didn’t get fired because of homophobic slurs. Looks like you got fired for your obnoxious personality.

What did you think of the show? What celebrity could benefit from your help?

Spice World Revisited

Yeah, the Spice Girls are reuniting. I can now die in peace. Actually, I liked the SGs back in the day. Not in the way I worship Sade or James Taylor but they were cheeky and campy, which always counts for something. They were bubbling, colorful and had head-bobbing tunes. I thought Scary and Sporty had the most flava, Baby was boring, Posh was bitchy and Ginger was slutty. They had something for everyone.

While this reunion does nothing for me, it got me thinking. What band or group would I like to see together again? The Police and Genesis have already been taken off my list. Besides the obvious Beatles (or what remains) get together, the prospect of these reunions give me joy.

Journey

Steve Perry’s huge nose and grand voice made this band. Yes, they sang cheesy love songs. Yes, they burned out in the 80s but dammit I’d love to see them in concert. I just heard a rumor that the reason they broke up was because Perry nailed all his band mates’ wives and girlfriends. Interesting and slightly tragic if true but not a reason to not to get back together. One more time. Live. Please.

Wham!

This has the potential for big time comedy but I’d love to see George Michael and Andrew Ridgley get back together. I was a huge devotee of the band. Why else would I sport an oversized orange day-glo sweatshirt with huge writing and cropped jeans with matching orange socks? You could not tell me I wasn’t the bomb.

ABBA

Oh baby! I would travel the world for this reunion. They’re all alive and looking just as groovy as they did in 1974. They wouldn’t even need new songs. The old ones stand on their own.

New Kids on the Block

They still owe me from canceling an Ohio concert in 1987. I was heartbroken and never realized my dream of seeing my favorite boy band in concert. They owe me a reunion concert. Of course, we’d need to change the name a bit to reflect their aging.

Who would you like to see in a reunion concert?

I Loove That Song!

I awoke this morning to the sound of thunderous rain on my window. Miami tends to be a tumultuous destination in late June. Besides a muddy mishap on my way to the car, which left me knee deep in black soot with my skirt around my waist. It’s been a pretty good day. It improved greatly when I turned on the radio and was greeted with the melodious sounds of Broadway by George Benson.

I’ve written before about the time travel ability of music to transport you to another time. Certain songs will always remind me of 7th grade and take me back to a simpler time. Likewise, some songs take you to a dark movie theater where they were emblazoned on your brain. Every time I hear Broadway, I think of All That Jazz. You know the opening audition sequence stuffed with leotards, leg warmers and jazz hands.

With that said, here’s a look at other songs that deliver me to the theater:

Dream Weaver- Gary Wright

This song forever will remind me of Wayne’s World when Mike Myers first sees the gorgeous Tia Carrera. I’m sure this was used in a million movies but this is my strongest memory.

Tiny Dancer-Elton John

Along with being one of my favorite movies based on acting, directing and script, Almost Famous used amazing music. Cameron Crowe is a master of bringing scenes to life with music. Great music from the era brought this film to life.

Dueling Banjos-Eric Weissberg and Steve Mandel

Eerie, I know. Just saying it, creeps me out. From the movie Deliverance, this is one song that immediately takes to the middle of the wilderness and tells you to squeal like a pig. Oh my!

Smack My Bitch Up-The Prodigy

Every time I hear this song, I have visions of women kicking ass in high heels and slinging hair in the first installment of Charlie’s Angels. Lucy Liu, Drew Barrymore and Cameron Diaz make butt kicking look fun and slightly aerobic in nature.

What song transports you to the movies?

I’m going to fess up to something that I’m not proud of. Over the past 10 months, I think we’ve grown closer. Therefore, I can make this confession without fear of judgment. I WATCHED AGE OF LOVE. There. I said it. Let the healing begin. It wasn’t my most profound 15-20 minutes but it was meaningful. Notice I didn’t make it through the entire show. I caught the replay of the first episode and thought in order to be an informed pop culture maven, I should watch a new show.

Big mistake. I had blogged earlier that this seemed like a dreadful idea and I was right. Age of Love made me uneasier than watching Being Bobby Brown and the Anna Nicole Show combined. My skin crawled, as he grew visibly unhinged that the women were all older than his 30 years. I will admit they selected an amazing group of older women. None of them had Jokeritis or bloated lips. They looked incredible and at first glance seemed to have their shit together. I was impressed, which made me more uncomfortable to see him squirm as they stated their age. Ouch!

Then I must have blacked out! The rest was a blur and I quickly switched the station. I’ve never considered myself a feminist (only a strong black woman) but this show sets women back. It’s feeding this new stereotype (okay not so new-The Graduate did it back in the 60s) of older women as predators. We now call them Cougars. Even that sounds dangerous.

What’s the use of women looking better and feeling better about themselves if they will eventually be labeled predatory? Out to rip young men apart with their ticking biological clocks, loose morals and extreme desperation. I may be overstating my case but the show was horrible and I haven’t even gotten to the unveiling of the 20-somethings. They were all tarted up and ready for some action. I’m sure their part will reveal them as equally desperate.

Networks seem incapable of depicting women on these dating shows in any real sense. The women selected are devious, trampy or emotionally unhinged. Granted I’ve run into some of these ladies but their must be one TV executive who is willing to cast real women on these dating shows.

What are your thoughts on Age of Love?

Summertime and the Living is Easy

To commemorate the first day of summer which was yesterday. I’d like to give a loving tribute to the dog days of summer. As a wee child growing up in Ohio, my fondest memories are summertime. A colorful blend of lemonade, popsicles, fireflies and hide and seek. Over the years, other smells, sounds and tastes have entered my summer lexicon. Naturally, a lot of the memories are informed by pop culture but even more by personal tastes.

Here’s a sweet homage to music and movies that remind me of great summer memories:

Summertime - Will Smith

This is one of my favorite summer songs. I love the way he revels in a typical summer day that culminates in a cook out. That’s the way summer was for me. Going to the mall, buying an outfit and wearing it out that night. Plus he adds his goofy spin on the rap and the video. Classic Fresh Prince.

Cruel Summer-Bananarama

I’ve written about this before. How this song tapped into whatever little angst my mom would allow me to have. It’s a playful tune that still takes me back to junior high.

Blue Crush- 2002

I know it’s a fluffy chick flick but how much fun is it to watch. It makes you want to go to Hawaii and be a bad ass surfer. It also makes you want to be young, wild and free but that’s a story for another time.

Dirty Dancing- 1987

This movie makes me long for a summer in Catskills and a hunky slightly greasy man cake to teach me the mambo. This is a perfect summer movie.

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off- 1986

I told myself that for Senior skip Day I was going to travel to Pittsburgh for a Ferris Bueller adventure. Flash forward three years. I was in school being the dutiful student but longing for the FB experience.

What are your favorite summertime memories?

Should I give a shit?

After my somewhat perverse interest in the Academy, it may come as some surprise that today I’m talking about useless celebrity stories and that’s useless according to me. You know I’m the great purveyor of pop culture. I get that slight to extreme interest in celebrity. What they’re eating, wearing and sexing up? However, as someone who indulges in celebrity chatter, it’s disappointing to see some trivial stories hyped up on what must be a slow news day. I know the media tries to create stories along with villains and heroes. I’m not that naïve.

But what do I care about Katie’s new hairdo or if she’s pregnant again. I stopped caring about that 6 months before she married the train wreck that is Tom Cruise. Is it still news? Are they doing anything meaningful besides jet setting with their freaky new BFF-Victoria. Let it go. I don’t want to hear anything else on this lackluster duo until they divorce, write tell-all books or disclose the true paternity of tiny Suri. I don’t think I even want to see them on the big screen. Enough!$%&

Who gives a rat’s ass if Rosie is friends with Elisabeth? I find it more startling that Elisabeth is still talking about this and is surprised to find out that Rosie never considered her a friend. C’mon. Is it the pregnancy hormones? When did she ever feel like Rosie was her grand confidant? Even more disappointing is their inability to shut their mouths on the issue. Instead of giving the blanket “She’s a great gal and I wish her well. No hard feelings,” we continue to get in depth explanations of their relationship. Call Dr. Phil. Enough!!

Victoria Beckham. Besides a keen eye for fashion, why is the media following her boney ass around the world. I don’t understand why they are trying to make her a superstar. If she did something (sing, dance, make sex tapes), I could understand the interest. They need to be following her fine ass husband around. Now that’s a superstar (with a tight ass).

What celebrity stories have you screaming this week?

How does this work?

Okay, I’ve never thought about this before. I’m so enthralled with films, actors, directors and the occasional writer. I live for awards season and take immeasurable pride in winning the office Oscar pool. It’s just the way I’m built. I’ve grown accustomed to it. But I’ve never thought about in the individuals that make up the Academy. I know there are representatives from all aspects of film not only actors.

The running gag is that they are a bunch of old fuddy duddies that vote for their aging peers and don’t appreciate groundbreaking filmmaking. Which brings me to my point today. I just saw a list of the newly inducted members. Check it here. I paid special attention to the actor inductees. Some were expected, some were welcoming and others were disappointing.

I like the fact that Adriana Barraza, Daniel Craig, Aaron Eckhart, Chiwetel Ejiofor and Ryan Gosling were selected. It was hard to imagine that Christopher Plummer was just inducted along with Eddie Murphy. Now if Eddie is just getting nominated after all these years and films, explain why Jennifer Aniston is being inducted. Besides my usual inexplicable dislike for her was her work in The Break Up that career defining. Granted she’s had excellent turns in Friends with Money and The Good Girl but so soon.

You know I loved Dreamgirls but Jennifer Hudson. It might be automatic that if you win, you get an invite. I’m not hating but I stand by my prediction that she will never to another movie or be doomed to play the big sassy girl who can sing. I hope this isn’t the case but I feel especially pissy today.

What are your thoughts on the inductees?

We are the World

After a lackluster and positively soaking wet weekend in the Magic City, it was a pleasure to dip into my usual weekday reading. I was looking through USA Today this morning when I saw an article about the Top 25 Musical Milestones of the last 25 years. You know I live for this shit. My mind works brilliantly with top 10, 25 and 100s. It’s especially gratifying when someone else comes up with the list and I get to knit pick.

This top 25 includes everything from Napster to N’Sync. I have to admit they did a great job compiling the list. I was surprised Madonna wasn’t higher than #16. The #18 placement of George Harrison’s death was an embarrassment of marketing and public opinion. I probably wouldn’t have put it on the list. Woodstock 99’ was definitely tragic milestone fueled by greed and big company branding.

A lot of the individuals listed could probably be lumped with other artists. For sure N’Sync could have been couple with Britney Spears since both were record-breaking pop acts. Eminem should share billing with multiple rappers who took the charts by storm.

The biggest omission for me was “We are the World” which along with Live Aid heralded in a new wave of political and humanitarian activism in pop culture. Every thing changed with the release of that record. The clever marketing and branding brains learned that they could entertain people and raise money for the burgeoning field of charities.

After looking at the list, what do you think is missing?

As the World Churns

Sorry to do this but I have to speak on fragile Paris Hilton and her jail stint. It was a shock felt around the world when the party girl was sentenced to jail time. Whether we see her relevance or not, Paris is a pop culture icon thus making this a big story. There’s no doubt that the legal system is sending a clear message to Hollywood celebrities and using Paris as a textbook example. And I don’t have a problem with it. I’m sure Nicole Richie and other legally challenged starlets and himbos are shaking in their designer shoes.

The legion of young clueless women who worship at the Paris alter are probably stunned. The hope would be an “a ha” moment will wakes them up and realize that there is more to life than trendy nightclubs, hot guys and Marchesa dresses. Marginal talent and youth can only take you so far. An education and common sense will never leave you.

This will definitely be a turning point for Ms. Hilton. It’s obvious that her health, most likely her mental health, has been effected by her incarceration. She’s obviously getting special treatment with her family allowed to cut the long lines and visit longer that usual. Will public resentment rupture her image? She told Barbra Walters that she won’t be playing dumb anymore but isn’t that part of her act. Will she be able to step aside from her vapid persona and present a mature woman who has done time in the pen? We’ll see.

In the wake of the Paris jail watch, there are some young Hollywood types that are great role models. They are proving that it’s hot to be talented, hard working and smart.

Mandy Moore

She was part of the blond teen queen invasion with fellow classmates Britney, Christina and Jessica. Her singing career may be on the back burner but she’s shown a sparkle on the big screen. She’s not afraid to have a little meat on her bones or play the girl next door. Her romances have been well documented but haven’t become her claim to fame. Young girls could learn a lot from her.

Natalie Portman

She’s as cute as a button, Ivy League educated and a budding style icon. Even when she’s playing a saucy stripper, she brings intelligence to the role. It takes guts to shave your head for a role.

Julia Stiles

Here’s another girl that has matured in front of our eyes. Her Kewpie doll good looks brought life to the off beat 10 Things I Hate About You. She’s grown as an actress but I’m still waiting for her big break through role. Meanwhile, she’s college educated and starting to direct.

Who else is should replace Paris Hilton as a role model?

I Forgive You

I started to blog this Friday when it first came to my attention but my hectic schedule prevented me from writing. I’m referring to the startling announcement that Isaiah Washington was fired from Grey’s Anatomy. The producers have put a creative spin on it but it boils down to disaster for the highly rated drama.

Washington’s exit is troubling on two fronts. First, is the theme of redemption. We all know he was a dimwitted homophobe to call a co-worker the f-word but after you’ve asked for forgiveness and made amends including PSAs, how do you redeem yourself. It seems incredibly judgmental and self-indulgent to not move on. Who knows? There may be more to the story.

Pop culture dictates a special fickleness. We love your movies; therefore we will forgive the fact that you cheat on your wife. We adore your music; therefore we will forgive the fact that you perform sexual acts on underage girls. However, you’ve produced some of the best movies of all time but we can’t forgive your drinking and drug problem. We simply choose to forgive what we feel like forgiving. The idea of forgiveness is subjective.

On another level, his absence leaves a big hole in another character. Cristina Yang (Sandra Oh) will be hard pressed to find another man that will bring out her tender side and stand up to her tough exterior. The show spent a lot of time setting up Burke as her perfect partner. Who will be able to match her moxie? It’s enough to overcome the debacle that is Izzie sleeping with George. Now we are to belief that Burke was all-wrong for Yang. It was hard enough to belief that he would back her into that huge wedding.

The writers of Grey’s Anatomy are crafty. Let’s just hope they can write themselves out of this void.

What are your thoughts? Great move or bad major mistake?

Goodbye Boda Bing!

Well, it’s already happened. I’ve had several debriefings on The Sopranos finale. It worked. The writers and producers managed to end the show in true Sopranos style with lots of questions and open ends. J was disappointed from the very beginning. Why was it only an hour long? Will Paulie turn on Tony? Are they going to waste the entire show with this? I’m sure he’s not alone in his criticism.

We’re used to the grand Godfather endings where multiple people meet their grisly demise at the same time while classical music plays over the actions. But The Sopranos stayed true to its macabre and cerebral leanings. The show has been known to spend a lot of time on what seems like trivial action. Remember the endless dream sequences while Tony was in the coma. I personally felt like the writers were putting a mind fuck on us. The last five minutes were painful. Is Meadow that useless that she can’t park?

I liked the ending. It did what it was supposed to do. We know Tony survived and Phil died in what was the best whacking in Sopranos history. Brilliant! You knew he was dead as soon as was playing with the grandkids. I threw my hands up in victory when the gun appeared near his head. Getting his head squashed and making the bystander throw up was the cherry on the top.

Tony coming to term with his crazy family was another piece of closure. His sister is a raging bitch. He did the right thing by seeing her but realized when it was time to walk away. His visit to Uncle Junior had me on edge. My paranoid thoughts made me think he would turn on Tony. Instead it was a sad ending to a tough little man. Tony even came to terms with the fact that AJ is to the Soprano family what Fredo was to the Corleones. The weak link.

The cat. What was the significance of the staring cat? I think it was Adrianna. I know that’s a bit mystical for the Diva but I think it was someone they knew. It could be Christopher. And the Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing” at the end. I think it was very telling. They want to keep the mystique alive long enough for a movie.

With that said, I took a look at other finales that got it right.

The Wonder Years

After years of watching the adorable Kevin Arnold spin tales of his childhood, it was bittersweet to see it end. The writers cleverly wrapped up the show by telling the future of the character. It was sad to hear his father died and they he remained only friends with sweetheart Winnie.

Six Feet Under

I stopped watching this show in the second season but felt compelled to watch the finale. It took the same approach as the Wonder Years but took it a step forward. We saw their lives evolve and the moments of the deaths. For some reason I cried during the entire ending.

Sex and the City

I liked this one the best because it had the great declaration of love we had waited for. We found out Big’s name and each woman saw closure and growth in their character. My favorite was brassy Miranda who found compassion for family.

What was your favorite series finale?

Oh Look, There is ...

Okay, so it’s not really my best story but I have to share with someone. I was doing my usual PR thing (talking a nervous guest off the ledge) at a local TV station yesterday morning. I was chatting away when I looked across the room and saw … Mo’Nique. To which I lost all cool points by pointing exclaiming her name and grinning. I wasn’t necessarily star struck as much as surprised. She is appearing at the Improv in Miami and was there to plug the performances.

Look, I had celebrity sightings before. I’ve seen Puerto Rican singer/actor Chayenne eating at a Brazilian steakhouse in town. There was that summer in NYC where I saw Gene Anthony Ray (Leroy) up close and personal while they were filming the Fame television series on the street. Am I dating myself or what? Then there was Billy Idol at the height of his hotness snarling his way through Greenwich Village in a leather vest. It didn’t help that my mother had no clue who he was.

As you may remember, I saw tiny Elijah Wood in NYC this past fall. Come to think of it, my best celebrity watching has been in NYC. But the best was in Miami a couple of years ago. While munching on brunch with J, I saw former Menudo Johnny. Yes, I stared. Not because he was still hot (everyone knows Robby Rosa was the greatest Menudo EVER), it was because I was 15 again (in my mind). I reframed from walking up to him because I’m chicken and what the hell would I say that wouldn’t make us both look old and foolish.

I will say that Mo’Nique was extremely polite saying hello and goodbye to all onlookers. She referred to all staffers by their name infused with lots of babies and darlings. She even took pictures with people afterward. There was no star behavior besides a small entourage that included a fabulous make up artist. She was funny and congenial on and off camera. I respected her down to earth demeanor. Hollywood seems to be filled with too many celebrities who take themselves way to seriously. When did Madonna become a Rhodes scholar?

So, tell me your celebrity encounters. Who was nice and who was a monster? Dish!

More Tuesday Musings

Today has been a blur of images and thoughts. You know, my usual Tuesday. Here’s a look at what’s on my mind today.

Paris in the Slammer

Gotta give the girl credit; she went. I thought for sure she’d find a way to get out of it. In true Paris style, she checks into prison after attending the MTV Movie Awards. Talk about a really stupid reason for going to jail. Young Hollywood’s fascination with driving cars impaired often crashing them or being busted by cops is idiotic. If I had Paris Hilton’s money, I wouldn’t even think about driving especially after a rough night of partying. Someone would be driving Miss Diva. After seeing the paparazzi pounce at these nightclubs, it seems bubble headed to even want to run that gauntlet let alone while drunk.

Mother of the Year

E!, the bastion of quality programming, is signing Dina Lohan up for a reality show. No, it’s not on crappy parenting skills or cougars who like to party with their young daughters. It’s about her quest to turn her other children into stars. Because this has worked so great for rehabbing Lindsey (I’m dripping with sarcasm). Who the hell wants to watch this shit? I’ve read that delusional Dina calls herself the white Oprah. OKAY.

What’s on your mind today?

I Am woman Hear Me Roar

The weekend was a delightful combination of relaxation and pampering. My good girlfriends took me out for some Sex and the City pedicures for my birthday complete with racy talk, sisterly pep talks and ice cream. Gloriously rich ice cream. I popped my cherry at Cold Stone. I had wanted to try it but never got the chance. Delicious. As far as my SATC fantasies, I fancy myself a quirky Carrie knowing that I’m way more Miranda with hints of Charlotte. Oh well. My other two companions are strictly Samantha and Miranda with a healthy dose of Samantha. They’ll have to sort out who’s who.

Pop culture likes to spark rivalry between women because, face it, it more salacious and interesting than women who genuinely care and root for each other. It’s more fun to think Paris hated Nicole or Denise is a raging bitch compared to innocent Heather. These images play out on a daily basis but the truth is that there is a sisterhood between women that goes far beyond lifestyle or breast envy. There is a shared experience that connects us all.

All of this female bonding and sisterly mentoring made me think of the great female bonding movies. Here are a few of my favorites:

Thelma and Louise (1991)

Yes, they kill themselves in the end but what a ride. Sisterhood, Brad Pitt, car chases, Brad’s butt, attitude and Brad’s abs. What a thrilling look at female relationships from two women that couldn’t be more different.

The Joy Luck Club (1993)

This is one of my favorite movies. The part with the morphine –filled stick buns gets me every time. This is an excellent movie for mothers, daughters and friends. Extremely underrated but worth adding to Netflix.

The Color Purple (1985)

I remember watching this at the theater and liking it but not really getting it. It’s only as I get older that the themes of empowerment and self-esteem bring new meaning. Oprah, at her big girl best, is a marvel as Sofia. The scene with Shug walking to the church dissolves me to tears.

Charlie’s Angels (2000)

This movie is sheer cotton candy confection. It’s light fun and fantastical. It taps into ever woman’s desire to look alluring and sexy while kicking some serious ass in high heel boots. Great fun! Even the sequel, which suck compared to the original, is fun.

What are your favorite movies about ladies that rock?

Chachi Loves Joanie and Sandy and Patty and Sara

With the growing trend in celebrity or actually pseudo celebrity reality shows, it wasn’t surprising to see USA Today take a look at the upcoming onslaught of new shows. VH1 is banking on a Bret Michaels (yes, the former hunk of hair band Poison). I say former hunk because what was cute in 1988 is looking a little tired in 2007. From his insta-tan to his bleached stringy hair and trademark bandana; it’s a bit tragic. I can’t imagine he needs help getting chicks but obviously the idea of being in a mansion with 20 or so desperate ladies sounded appealing.

The best to come is Scott Baio is 45 … and Single on VH1. The title alone deserves an Emmy. The aging man whore is looking at his past to interpret why he has never married. They are going to interview ex-girlfriends. You know I’ll be all over that. Unfortunately, ABC in throwing their hat in the ring with Age of Love. You might have seen the previews for this in which 20-somethings and 40-somethings vie for the attention of a man. I can’t see this making it past a few episodes. It’s demeaning with shades of sadism. I’m not impressed. The Two Coreys on A & E will be worth a watch simply because I’m a child of the 80s. The Corey live together and learn together. How special.

In celebration of these spectacles in television viewing, I’ve compiled a list of the cream of the crop in celebrity television.

The Osbournes

Not only are they eccentric, liquor-soaked and vulgar, they also have snarky British accents. It was interesting following the logic and lives of this rock and roll brood. It also humanized Ozzy and showed as the shuffling and amusing old man that he is. With his hard living past, it a wonder can walk and feed himself. The Osbournes gave us hours and hours of TV gold.

Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica

I only watched the first season of this nightmare but it was apparent that Nick was way too down to earth for the indulged and sheltered Jessica. I could literally see him packing up his stuff when she didn’t understand that Chicken of the Sea is tuna. It was supposed to be a happy ending but turned into the beginning of the end of their marriage. Quite sad, really.

Being Bobby Brown/Breaking Bonaduce

These were the awkward shows where you knew you should turn it off but there’s something compelling about watching someone falling down especially a former child star with anger issues and a legendary singing diva with dependencies.

Flavor of Love

Would you kiss Flavor Flav for any amount of money? Hell no. Yet, the producers managed to find two seasons worth of skanks who were willing to put their lips on the line. Nasty. Though, it was great fun to mock the women.

Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-list

She may be a pain in the butt but I love her stories about run-ins with crazy celebrities. You can tell she’s as much a fan as we are. She knows how to spin a tale quite creatively. Love it!

What reality shows do you think are the best?